A
female
age
36-40,
*aniackru
writes:What do you text to an ex after breaking up with them, you have agreed to be friends. He has contacted me since the breakup 3 weeks ago. He contacted me after one week of the breakup asking if I wanted to go out with him and some friends.I replied etc.Its been 2 weeks since, and now I want to text him to keep the communication going but I dont know what to say :/ Saying something such as 'hey how are you doing? What have you been upto?' seems pathetic. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 November 2012):
 do you think twice when you contact your other friends?
probably not...
if you are so sure you can handle being friends with him, (and to be honest your intense NEED to be friends with him leads me to believe you really can't manage it, that your feelings for him are still very strong) then I suggest you stop double thinking yourself and treat him just like any other girlfriend you have...
so you get a thought, text him, or call him,
treat him like one of the girls....
A
female
reader, maniackru +, writes (18 November 2012):
maniackru is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for all our advice and I understand what you are all saying, but I have made my mind up that I want to keep in touch and be friends with him. I am strong enough. All I am asking is a little advice on what type of text would be too much. How should I approach this; if I should keep it casual or say 'I was reading this the other day it reminded me of you...' I don't want him to think I'm trying hard to get him back. I am not.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 Why do you want to keep the communication going? It doesn't sound like a good idea to me, at this moment in time. It's still very early days since you split up. Keeping communisation going can stop one or both of you from moving on.
I know it's hard in those first weeks and months when you miss that persons company and you may even secretly be hoping for a reconciliation.
But really, it's better to go No Contact for several months and then reassess whether you really want to be friends. You can still be friendly if you bump in to him in the street of course, but I think you should avoid direct communication.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 November 2012):
If you have to think this hard about what to say you are not ready to be Just friends...
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A
female
reader, maniackru +, writes (17 November 2012):
maniackru is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your reply. It's not that I don't have anything in common with him and don't know what to say; I have never been in this situation before and I was asking more about what would be the right thing to say. Keep it short and sweet to a 'hey how are you' or more along the lines of 'I was doing such a thing and thought of you; how are you' or just a blatant 'I miss you!'
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 November 2012):
if you have to think this hard about what to say then you have very little in common and can't be friends.
personally I never understood this whole obsession with wanting to be friends with an ex.
I think folks do it to make themselves feel better about a relationship that is failed... but if we stay friends it's not a failed relationship. YES it is.
and clearly you have nothing in common with this guy to remain friends with him over.
you can end a relationship and be friendly and civil. there is no point in being friends unless the ONLY thing that prevents you from being a couple is that one of you found out you were gay.
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