A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I will try and condense a story and I feel that I would really like to know peoples opinion on whether the would regard the following abusive.I have been seeing a Italian man aged 41 .our relationship gas been great and enjoyable until a few days ago when he came back after a trip to Italy .he has always been slightly neurotic and I thought this endearing .he takes pills to help him sleep .I arrived.and we had a nice time although I sensed he was a bit agitated .I out this down to tiredness. He disappeared to have a shower ,we were at his flat .when he came back in the bedroom his mood changed and he begun to rant about how his flatmate leaves the place in a mess (in my opinion it was tidy ) he was rigid and although I tried to talk him around I couldn't .we were laying in his bed and I said in a joking way not to try and snap out of his bad mood and enjoy time we have. he then proceeded to say I was cruising for a bruising( I have experienced a toxic abusive relationship previously and I suffer depression )I felt ill and jumped out of bed I wanted to get a cab home .he said he didn't know the meaning but he's been here in UK 10 yrs .at this point my intuition was telling me to get out .I am a bit argumentative but didn't get angry. he lept out of bed and said I was winding him up and called me a cab .I sat on the bed and I did carry on saying how much he offended me .he jumped up and grabbed my ARM and said get out my house and proceeded to push me towards his door opened it and told me to f off .I was not hurt but felt so humiliated. He us six foot two and I felt scared .he took medication about an hour earlier but wouldn't tell me what it was .he just said to calm him down and help him sleep .we have spoken since and he feels because he didn't hurt me it wasn't abusive .I have cut off from him and feel devastated he thinks it's ok. He is highly intelligent and manipulative and my instinct tells me he is unstable but is it abusive ? Am I overreacting because of my abusive past .I am so curious as to what people make of this situation .
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMany thanks .My self esteem is much higher now and I won't tolerate what I did before .I have a beautiful little boy and a very supportive network so I know I will be ok and strong .I won't let this abusive man near me ever again .
A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (3 May 2012):
I can hardly believe you are asking the question. You have been treated horribly by this man, and he sounds like a man with quite big issues.
If you have been in an abusive relationship before your benchmark for normality is different to other people's. And also, because someone wore you down before you might not have the inner confidence that you should do.
But I can tell you, from an outside perspective, that this man is no good for you and that you should not tolerate being mistreated by him or by anyone.
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