A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey there, everyone... The situation in nutshell: I am married, but for over a year we were separated: we lived separately and led separate lives. During this time, I met John (a friend of a friend), we went out for a while, but I broke it off (admittedly, we had sex). Well, John just won't leave me alone. It's been 3 years! I do not encourage it, but he finds ingenious ways to contact me somehow. He was just friendly, and was asking me out for coffee, and bumping into me, etc. I thought it would pass. Recently, however, he let me know that he wants me to leave my husband and be with him. This is crazy, during all these years I never gave him any hope! There was nothing between us, not even a kiss! The guy scares me. He is attractive, very successful in what he does and very smart. I just dont understand why me? He gets increasingly forceful, and I am so scared of him! He told me that my husband is a horrible man, and i should not be with him, but he never even met him! I dont want to tell my husband, as I would have to confess to the whole affair, and I feel bad about it even though we were separated at the time. I dont know what to do. I am so scared, and getting more and more afraid. Last night I actually had a nightmare about it, and I want this to stop! Talking to the guy does not help, he just wont listen! He is obsessed, he thinks that I belong to him. Please, give me something on how to deal with this situation. thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): Well, because you already contradicted yourself once in that (saying "admittedly, we had sex" and " I never gave him any hope! There was nothing between us, not even a kiss!"), and because you're a woman, I would say you're lying and you weren't actually separated when you had the affair.
So I'd say, admit to your husband that you had cheated on him, tell him the guy won't leave you alone, and trust me, your husband can scare him off.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): you can go to the police and they can have a word with him.
Doesn't involve charges or anything that will end up in court.
there is an upsurge in poor behaviour to women in the UK and the coppers are recognising it, so you should be taken seriously.
basically they will read him a definition of the word "harassment" and make sure he understands it and recommend he stays away from you, with a mention that if it carries on the fact he has been told to stay away will come into play if charges are brought.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (3 May 2012):
You will have to treaten to go to the police. That will hopefully be enough.
And if it's not, you really should go to the police. You are being harassed if not stalked.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (3 May 2012):
 Hi
As you have not been able to shake him off after 3 years its time to tell your husband and the Police.
You need to keep a file on this other guy, write down everything he does to you, when he contacts you,what he says, where he shows up, everything. He is sounding obsessed,its serious, he needs to be dealt with now. Officially.
You were seperated from your husband when you saw him so you did nothing wrong, no doubt your husband saw other women.
You cant keep it hidden any longer because any normal man would have given up chasing after a few weeks max.If your not encouraging him, he knows your back with your husband then he is crossing a line.
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