A
male
age
30-35,
*letcher
writes:So me and my ex have been broken up for about two or three months. I have not spoken a word to her since I left her house after saying it was over. She told me she had feeling for a friend of hers and they have now been dating for a while now. I lived an hour away from her because of my college and I have been really busy with school and she really hasn't been on mind at all. I even started talking to this really nice girl and hanging with her. But I finished my semester and have been in my home town where she lives and we spent most o our time together. We dated for two years almost and a lot of memories are here. It like out of no where she is popping up in my head and it's really becoming worse. I think also that I really was distrusted with her and held a lot of hate for a while and now that is beginning to dissolve. I miss her and I don't want to. It's also making me not like the new girl as much as I thought.I honestly would like to contact my ex and maybe just see what's up with each other but it terrifies me. I'm scared more feelings will come rushing back and I will hurt myself. Plus I dint even know what to say. Any advice for a man in need? Thanks
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male
reader, a-g55  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 theres a chance that her current relationship might go wrong at some point and she will probably come and contact you. then you can ask her how she is getting on then. your in the position of power there. if u contact her now. then she will be in a position of power where she will enjoy the fact your contacting her and enjoy telling you how great her life is now.... its a waiting game.... i speak from experience. humans are predictable they react to emotions so wait until she is a victim of her own!
A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 It stinks. We've all been there, man, and i really truly feel for you.
Trying to contact her is about the worst thing you can do. All it will do is give her reason to think that you're stalking her, and it will just push her even further away and hurt you.
Best thing you can do is move on. It is tough when you are in a place where you have so many memories together. Try to hang out in places you didn't used to go to with the new girl. Make some new memories, ya know?
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A
male
reader, I want it all +, writes (24 May 2011):
 You are young(18-21) right? SO let this whole experience be a learning tool for you to take with you for the rest of your dating life. I believe that your teens and 20's are meant to be fun, and not locked down in too serious of a relationship. Get out there and do whatever it is that makes YOU happy and gives YOU purpose. The right woman will come along when you least expect it! You have to believe this, as well as just keeping busy with your own things will help your mind keep busy and move on from what was obviously not meant to be. I've tortured myself so many times in my past(I'm 38) with contacting my ex's to "see how they are doing." But basically it was just to make myself feel better, which actually did the opposite.
Keep your head up, do your own thing and just enjoy your 20's as they will come and go faster than you know. Live life to the fullest and choose to be happy with or without a woman in your life.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (24 May 2011):
 Hi
Im sorry to say, but just let her go. Your bound to have all these feelings rushng back , its only natural, your back in your home town which you spent your time with her. She clearly fell out of love with you and moved straight on to someone else, and didn't even concider your feelings. Dont let this new girl be pushed away because of old feelings. they WILL pass hun. This new girl may be the very thng you have been wanting in your life, but your clouding your toughts about someone who didn't care enough about you.
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): Hi there. I'm in the same situation. I was on and off with my ex for six years, and it's hard to just forget someone you have cared about for 6 years, even though it was on and off. He use to be there for me a lot and he was like my rock. We had our ups and downs though. About three weeks ago, he said he was going to give me another chance. We met at his place and even did intimate things, but not intercourse. He told me he had been talking to his girl online who lives in America, who he has never met. We both live in England. He lied and said they were just friends at first. They had spoken to each other through microphones and had seen each other on webcam. However, the next day, he told me that they both had strong feelings for each other, an he said he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I thought what hedid was really cruel .He even said he loved her more than me. At first, he said he loved me but loved her more, but then said he didn't love me at all.I have missed him sometimes over the last thre weeks, and i did hound him with texts and phone calls during the first week that we had broken up, as i was absoultely heartbroken, but now, i haven't contacted him at all for two weeks. I'm just trying to keep myself busy as muc as i can and keep myself away from my phone as much as i can so that i'm not tempted to contact him. What hurts me as wll is not knowing if he has thought about me at all, and not knowing if he has been tempted to contact me at all. He hasn't contacted me yet though. But in a way, idon't know if i can trust him again after hat he has done so even if he did want me back, i'm not sure that i would go back with him.
My advice to you would be to not contact her unless she contacts you. I know that's very difficult, but the way i see it is, if someone really wants to talk to you, they will contact you. And plus, if she ahs started seeing someone else, it's probably better to leave her alone and then if it fizzles out wih her and that guy, maybe she will start to miss you and the maybe you can both discuss things then. I'm going to try and wait for my ex to contact me, but at the same time, i'm not going to put my life on hold for him. I haven't met anyone else yet that i'd like to date, but i have been keeping busy with work, family and friends.
What's going on with the other girl you mentioned ?. Are you just friends for now, or is there a possibility that you two could start dating ?. Maybe you should give her a chance instead ?. I know that when you start seeing someone else, it can help you to get over your ex. I know it's hard when your ex keeps coming back into your mind though. I guess another option would be for you to just stay friends with this other girl for now, and maybe it will develop into a relationship later, as you don't want it to become a rebound. I hope this helps !.
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