A
male
age
41-50,
*artinB3
writes:Hi. Back in February I posted a question along the lines of asking for advice on how to deal with the fact my ex of 7 years had met another guy at work and I couldn't help myself but ask questions about what they get up to.I thought it was earlier than February, but there you go! Anyway.... the guy she was seein, well its very much onwards and upwards. The problem is though she kept on giving me signals to make me think she didn't know if she had done the right thing by leaving me. We went on days out with our kids, we talk all the time but then there will be no contact for a few days and i'll go round to her houe to pick up my kids, and Ben, (the new guy), will be there!!! He found out we had been on a date but still stayed with her. She has since told me she likes him and will not be getting back with me, and was sorry for the mixed signals etc. I too have started seeing someone else, but no matter how hard I try, I can't get the thought of 'but she's not ***', (my ex), out of my head. I compare everything between the two of them, and it just doesn't feel right being with her, plus I still have guilty feelings about not being with my children when they're at their mums house... I don't feel I should have my 'free' time and I don't particularaly enjoy it either, I want my family back together. I am taking my kids away in 2 weeks time, and yesterday my ex declared she is going to sun it up in Majorca with Ben whilst i'm struggling with the 2 kids, tryng to remain positive for them so they have a nice holiday. She is entitled to a new life, I hear you say? But, is she entitled to go on that holiday 3 days before I do, meaning her kids won't see her the night before she goes? I'm really jealous of this new guy too, and ashemedly I have tried to confront him but he locked himself in a room! I regretted that cos i'm not a violent person, but the sheer thought of his hands on her, the thought he shares a bed with her and now, it seems, will be relaxing by a sun filled swimming pool with her in Majorca....well i'm in total turmoil and its been 9 months now!!!!! HELP!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 Well... moving on from a relationship in which you have invested so much and in which you had children, is not easy! You are comparing your new partner with your ex because you are not ready to move on just yet... you might need to spend some time alone, get a new hobby for the time you feel alone now, maybe start a project you wanted to do for a while. I hear you, not easy, but if your ex moved on, you really don't have a lot of choices! She moved on!
Time will tell what happens, she might want to come back later on, she might not, but there is not much you can do about that. You can only deal with yourself and your kids (who will need you now more than ever because, believe me, this is very hard for them too). I would suggest you talk to them a lot, ask how they feel, and reassure them you will always be there for them (and be). Maybe you can make new "traditions" with them in your new reality. Eventually it will come more easy and someday, maybe even without realizing it, you will meet someone and you'll fall in love all over again.
I wish you all the best!
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