A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was just wondering if I could get some male input here. I'm a 21 year old female, who's been told she 'intimidates men', but I'm not even sure how I do it. If a women were to initimidate you or scare you off, how would she do it? Im not the kind of person who is in your face, Im just a regular girl! I honnestly dont know what Im doing wrong, and Id really like some guidance on this. Any help given would be greatly appreciated, thank you! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Kohjakza  +, writes (15 September 2007):
Girl, you have to provide some info on a specific situation, to get a feel for the players befor I can answer that question, I want to help, if you are willing to oblige me on this info request.
A
male
reader, 2old4this  +, writes (16 June 2007):
 Alright. My friend gets told that alot by her friends and family. Why? because they dont want to hurt her feelings by telling her she is stubborn and pig headed and that its ok to let someone help you sometimes even if you dont need the help. You dont have to always be right. This girl is one of my best friends, but I still dont have the courage to tell her she is not as great, awsome, and wonderful as she thinks she is. And she wonders why she has so much trouble with men.
Look, if you know you are that great and smart and pretty then thats fine. Just learn to be a humble person about it and dont throw it around to all the guys.Because if you are that great let them figure it out for themselves without you telling them. I dont know if this fits you or not, i'm just giving you an example.
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A
male
reader, diddyeinstein  +, writes (15 June 2007):
Maybe they think you are too demure?
Maybe they think you are too honest or blunt?
Maybe as marieclaire suggested you are beautiful and they don't have the courage to talk to you.
The recurring statement is "they think", which would lead me to believe that they are the ones with issues. I understand your confusion, but I still think you shouldn't let their insecurities cause some of your own.
If you don't think you are doing anything wrong, then why let people make you think you are? You only have to answer to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): I meant:
"let it roll off your back"
instead of
"don't let it roll off your back".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): Hun, you aren't doing anything wrong. You may be just hearing all this "crap" from the wrong guys. Perhaps, guys who have their own self-esteem issues and could feelhe hasn't a chance in hell with you. His problem...not yours, hun. The three biggest factors that can intimidate 'some' (not all) men, is beauty, brains and self-confidence. However, a man who is your match would likely find you fascinating not intimidating at all...so perhaps, you haven't met that guy, yet. And if you have found him, why worry about what other guys think. The crazy thing is, when men state a women is 'intimidating', they don't realize that she is in fact, a very nice, normal gal who just happens to have her 'act together.' I agree with the others...take this as a definite compliment and don't let it roll off your back, hun. Good luck, smile and keep just being you.
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (15 June 2007):
 I'm not a man, but I've been told the same thing before.
Sometimes intelligent, talented and/or secure women intimidate some men who are looking for a woman who they feel they can take care of. If they feel you're more intelligent than they are, or that you can take care of yourself without the help of a man, that can intimidate some men. This tends to happen more with younger women (21 years old, would qualify) and even more with smaller framed women -- diminutive in stature, who date older men.
Just take it as a compliment if you think the above might be the case.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): Maybe you're extremely cute yet look angry or rarely smile, or maybe you're extremely smart/sharp-witted yet hanging out with guys who aren't. Generally speaking, I'd take it as a compliment, though I realize you may need to change something here to feel more attractive. One trick for making conversations go well in general is just ask other people simple (non-intellectual) open-ended questions about themselves, and then *smile* and genuinely listen to their replies, turning what they say into yet more non-threatening open-ended questions. If that sounds hard, maybe that's a clue about your problem. If you're already doing that ... then I don't know--maybe you have 'goddess'-quality looks.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (15 June 2007):
 Are these people giving you reasons why they think you intimidate men? It would be very helpful if you could respond with these details.
Many men can't handle a woman with strength of character and an ego to go along with it. I know several of this type of woman, and married one of them. Another gal pal of mine is drop dead gorgeous, possesses an intellect that would make most academics cower in fear, and has no problem attracting men - mostly the wrong type. I am confident that in the multitude of riff raff a man worthy of her will emerge.
Hope this helps!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 June 2007):
 Now this is a hard question. I assume you do not usually carry a gun :-).
I met a girl who was like 6 feet 3 inches and some men were intimidated by her height. What was truly intimidating about her, however, was her personality. She was very pushy and demanding. Maybe you're too blunt? I don't think this is a question that may be answered without having seen you.
Now, how many men have said you intimidate them? If everyone says so, well, they may have a point. If it's only one person who has said it, then I don't see a problem.
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