A
male
age
30-35,
*jang19
writes:Okay, i've been having this issue lately and Im just trying to clear my head and figure it out.Im basically wondering: If I believe that having sex just for pleasure is a bad thing, is there something wrong with me?A little background information: So I was dating this girl in my 1st year of college for ~9months. I was a virgin but she had slept with 2 guys before meeting me. Furthermore, she did activities such as going on nude beaches and skinny dipping with friends prior to meeting me aswell. Around the 9month mark she started really pressuring me into having sex. However, I never personally ever wanted to.To be honest, I was an excellent boyfriend compared to her last, or compared to the average guy. I would come over and cuddle with her for hours, make her breakfast in bed, buy her flowers, take her on walks through fields and stay up with her to watch the sunrise.But the thought that keeps running through my mind is, if I spend my life not screwing around with girls just to get some physical pleasure, why would you deserve to be with someone like me?The way I think about it, is if one person spends their life studying hard, while still enjoying life and ends up as a doctor. Where as another person drops out of school, becomes a criminal and a drug addict, and a downright terrible person. If the addict suddenly decided, I want a nice life, Im gonna be with a doctor, why should they be allowed to do this?I dont want this to be too long, but I guess Im just confused at how so many girls at such a young age have sex just for the fun of it, and I know they relate sex with love, but is it bad that I cant stand the idea of nearly every girl loosing her v-card before 18 (If you're not totally hideous) and noone appreciating their bodies, and just trading it for fun and good feelings?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): There is a difference between giving a recovering addict a chance to go back to try med school over again, and giving the recovering addict a free transcript full of passing grades like the good student already earned the hard way. Second chances are a good thing in life. But not when it disrespects the people who made the sacrifices the first time around. If you have always stayed away from having casual sex then I don't think you have any obligation to be with someone who did not. It's your choice. You have made the sacrifices yourself. Your own personal choice of a partner is not making a statement on every other woman's worth as a human being. It is just what makes YOU happy in life.
A
male
reader, Jjang19 +, writes (3 August 2011):
Jjang19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI realize people make mistakes, but thats what I dont get. I hate the idea that so many people can just fool around all their life, and then just decide that they want to change all of a sudden. It almost seems as if its not fair..Im not opposed to people having fun, but i just cant seem to wrap my head around the idea that people can just do whatever they want with their bodies, and shot of std's or pregnancy's, can then move on and act as if it didnt mean anything when they meet the next person they want to sleep with
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (3 August 2011):
I think a lot of people who are your age (and younger) don't always see the consequences of their actions. Things can be done in the moment, for the moment. Whether it is sex, drugs, alcohol, partying. Having said that, there are still plenty of more sensible young people around, who do think more about the future and less on the moment, and people who do want to base sex within a loving relationship.
It sounds like sex and love together are important to you, so you should look for someone with similar morals. There are plenty of young girls who also think like you.
You also said this: "If the addict suddenly decided, I want a nice life, Im gonna be with a doctor, why should they be allowed to do this?"
They should be allowed to do this because just because someone lives their life a certain way when they were a certain age does not mean they should be forced to live that way forever.
You are forgetting that people make mistakes, and if someone makes a mistake, learns from it, and grows from it, they will more often enough be a better person because of it. In fact, this is how most people manage to succeed at life; by knowing what the alternative is.
You're a young guy, with practically no real life experience - so don't make the mistake of becoming "holier-than-thou" because you never know where your life is going to take you. You can be guaranteed that you are going to make some major fuckups along your journey, so remember that. People need understanding and support, not judgement and condemnation. Otherwise, you will stop seeming a decent guy with morals and values and rather a bit of an ass.
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