A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend for a long over a year before we broke up. Things weren't good. When we split up, i was devestated, and rebounded almost immediately with a boyfriend, who treated me like a god. My ex and i began to get in contact again, and eventually i couldn't fight the lust, and we ended up sleeping together throughout the time i was with the other guy. He was sleeping with other females too. Dangerous i know!So during this period, me and my ex somehow got to talking about our experiences with other people we'd slept with while being separated and looking back it was obviously to make eachother widly jealous.After a long period of time, me and my bf decided not to be apart anymore...tied up alot of strings, and took the plunge to get back together. We are in love. And have since then being together steadily and happily for about 2 years.What is the problem you ask?We are both finding it now extremely difficult to forget the gruesome details we shared with eachother. Any little thing can trigger me off into remembering things he told me and i know he feels the same. It hurts. I can't say that it's affecting our relationship as such. We are in a really good place. More the fact that i'd like some suggestions as to how we forget the past. We tend to argue over it lots. I'm afraid that some day, either one of us, won't be able to handle it anymore.thanks in advance.After this time
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Swanson  +, writes (30 April 2008):
i'm confused as to which guy you actually ended up with...but I'm assuming the story is you broke up with the first guy but couldn't stay apart even when you tried to start dating or sleeping with other people, and you swapped stories about this since you were technically "apart", and now you're back together and those stories are eating at you, correct?
If this is the case, my best advice is to look in the mirror - look at your own experiences that took place while you guys were apart. obviously if you are back with your bf and happilly in love, you have moved on past those experiences. I'm bet that i'm accurate when I say that you probably don't think about anything that you did or any of the sex that you had during that time on a daily basis anymore, but yet you probably think regularly about what he did. that's the strange thing about our culture today - we live in a world where people obsess over other people's sexual history more than they do their own. I think that this is exactly what you're doing here. I mean, granted, it sucks that you guys told each other that stuff and in a perfect world, I'm sure that you wish that you could take it back, and I'm sure that it hurt for a while. However, if you guys are together again and happy, that means that he has moved on from his past. If he can get over his past having taken part in it, then you should get over it seeing as you did not! the same thing applies with him and your past.
I realize that this isn't easy, I've had problems with it myself. but again, I think the easiest thing is to dwell on your own past and how it's the past.
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