A
male
age
36-40,
*arm
writes:I was engaged in an online romance with a very shy girl. We spoke online all day most days and hung out a few times. I said something risque suggesting that i don't care about love but just want to see her naked. It was just a joke and i was trying to get a rise out of her. She logged off and won't respond. I sent her half a dozen messages apologizing and what not, which i now believe to have been a mistake if i want to attract her back. Should I just wait it out? What can I do to show her I am sorry and that I care without seeming weird? How can I potentially attract her back?
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male
reader, Garm +, writes (3 May 2012):
Garm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfunny thing. i put her on ignore for a few days. she chats me up today. i say "bring me a 6 pack." she does. and she creeps out just as fast. lol. weird.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): I know the type, there is something quite alluring about that type of girl though. I can't put my finger on it but they're like the female version of the bad boy, you know you shouldn't but that makes you want her more.
Dude she sounds like trouble. No one gets an undeserved reputation I don't care what people say. When a person has a rep like hers, they've earned it. Crying on the first date? Haha, how sexy! I think your sense of humour saved your ass this time OP and believe me it will save you again in the future. One thing I've learned about being a crass sarcastic fecker is that most girls don't mind it, some even have the same humour and that's awesome but it really does weed out the trouble and the drama queens early because they're just waiting for you to say the wrong thing before they create an issue out of nothing, having that kind of sense of humour is great because it doesn't take long to figure out the girls who take life too seriously or are just drama queens. Don't fall into this useless idea that somehow you're ruining your chances with good girls through not being tactful enough, if they can't take a joke then you're simply not compatible, do you really want a relationship with a girl who you keep having to apologize to for just being you?
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A
male
reader, Garm +, writes (2 May 2012):
Garm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCerberus, that is some solid advice. Something about this girl turned me into a wuss, but I'm over it. I wish I would have maintained composure because she seems so sweet and is so gorgeous and it was sad to watch her flip off of the hook. But you're right--she made doubt my crass self. I think she projects some sort of innocence'm/sweetness but loves to toy people and manipulate them. A couple of her associates warned me to stay away from her suggesting that she is a sociopath or something. I should have assumed as much when the first time I ever hung out w/ her she was all tears about some pretty bizarre shit that "happened" to her. I think she brings out the worst in people and then shuns them for it. I still kind of like her, but I ain't gonna initiate anything. Maybe she'll hit me up. one day. when i'm ready for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): OP what's so special about this girl? You just barely dating her and you're going mad because she's suddenly gone cold?She's not the most amazing creature you'll ever meet nor the last and quite frankly she sounds hypersenstive and humourless.
Have you even considered the possibility that she's just simply not interested and was looking for an excuse to get out of seeing you?
Sure you were an idiot that said something really stupid, but you apologized for that there's nothing more you can do. You made a joke, a really bad one but you know what that's a sign that you either don't share the same sense of humour or she's too sensitive.
If you ask any of my friends to use one word to describe me it would be "inappropriate" because I have a filthy sense of humour and I don't censor myself in front of anyone. I'm not every girls cup of tea and I know that. If I make a joke that offends them then they either accept my apology or they don't I certainly will not waste my time with girls who are too sensitive because it would never work.
My girlfriend has the same vicious sarcastic sense of humour I have so it works, it's not a good thing to have apologize to someone you are dating based on a crass joke. If she can't get over your humour then she's just going to be a chore of a woman who you always have to be careful around.
My god man, stop trying so hard, you're sounding pretty needy, desperate and clingy, like she's the last woman in world. Just let her go and move on. Either she'll miss your company and try and re-connect after a calming down a bit or she won't. But you've done enough now, time to regain some dignity and move on.
For the record OP you didn't actually do anything wrong, so you apologizing was pointless you made an off-colour joke, you shouldn't have apologized, you should have just told her it was a joke and left it at that. You didn't mean anything by it and she's making a huge deal out of it. You're probably just not compatible.
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A
male
reader, Garm +, writes (30 April 2012):
Garm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthere has been a brief chat. i will wait it out and let her initiate?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 April 2012):
 If I were you, I'd drop it instead of trying to justify your comment. It wasn't funny or something you should be joking about. Period. Women are sensitive when it comes to men cracking jokes about taking advantage of them.
Anyways, she gave you a one line response which shows she's still ticked at you.
I'd give her a bit more space to see if she messages you first. If she wants to talk to you, then she'll message you soon enough.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): Learn your lesson and move on. You've apologized enough, cut your losses and just move on.If she's smart she won't go near you again. I don't mean that personally OP but come on what would you advise her to do if she was your friend and a guy she was getting to know online said that to her? Don't lie and say you'd take the guys side, you'd tell her to keep away that he's shown his true colours.Have some pride and just walk away. You've apologized, if you keep doing it she'll either think you're whiny or a creep. Don't wait around either, if she's shy then persistence will just push her further away.
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A
male
reader, Garm +, writes (29 April 2012):
Garm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionalright. within the context of our conversation, in which we were teasing one another, my comment doesn't seem that bad. it was a facetious response to what i felt was an absurd question.
alright. i so i sent her a pic to cheer her up yesterday, and i got a one-liner response... what to do?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): Obviously you made a mistake with a nice girl. Try to apologize some more and hope she accepts it but nothing is guaranteed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): Telling her you dont care about love and just want to see her naked was not a very good `joke`, especially as you know she is shy. What on earth made you say that? There`s a saying that many a true word is said in jest. So she might actually believe that`s what you are about even if you insist it was only a joke. If I were you. I would message her one last time and explain you were only teasing her for a reaction but you didnt realize the reaction would be silence. Then say you wont bother her again. And leave it at that. She might respond to you but let that be her choice, dont hassle her or you will only make yourself look weird.
To be honest if I got to know someone and they said that to me, I wouldnt bother with them either. It makes you sound like a player and not very nice.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 April 2012):
 Good for her. This is not what you want to hear, but I think the damage has been done. There are too many online players for a woman, especially a shy one, to take the chance. I think you blew it.
You were right to apologise. Playing it cool would only have reinforced her belief that you were just using her.
She may come around, and if she does she'll be even more cautious around you. If you don't get a response after two weeks, assume it's over.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 April 2012):
Erm, what a funny joke. Seriously, never say anything along those lines to a girl you wish to date ever again.
Definitely back off. If you're lucky she won't block you and respond to you next time she's online. However, I believe with that comment she saw a red flag and checked out. Who could blame her?
If you do have her address, I would suggest sending her flowers for damage control. There's only so many times you can apologize. If she doesn't accept it, then move on. You blew it.
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