A
female
age
36-40,
*orn-In-Two
writes:Hey, I am wondering if anyone can help me figure myself out. I have fantasies of being dominated - specifically a man grabbing my arms or wrists, pinning me up against the wall, or cornering me. I have had an ex that did that a little but i hated it because he was always angry - however now i am fantasizing about it quite a bit. my current bf and i wrestle a lot and i love it - but he always backs off. and its usually to tickle me. I can't bring myself to tell him about these fantasies because I'm scared of what he'll think about them. how can i get him to be more physically dominant without having to say anything? Am I wrong in desiring this - almost wanting to feel a little fear of my man and finding this arousing? If you've read this far, I thank you. Any thoughts would help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, freakylittlegirl  +, writes (15 June 2012):
O thank God i'm not alone i use to think i was weird because i absolutely love those kind of things. Well like you i was nervous about telling him too but after 4 years of relationship it became easier for me to express my feelings, at first i didn't think he was really interested in doing these things like: spanking me, tying me up, and pinning me down. we were arguing one day and he was boiling mad i guess he could read that horny look on my face so he realized that his anger was turning me on. He asked me a question and i said yes daddy in a sexy tone and instantly we started having sex. The sex was amazing because he was still a bit angry so he started to spank me and move aggressively while saying things like " tell daddy you are sorry " (while spanking me) and i had to because the pain was intense which i really enjoyed i guess from that day he realized i really enjoyed those things
A
female
reader, Torn-In-Two +, writes (7 May 2012):
Torn-In-Two is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for being helpful! I recently discovered my bf enjoys the same things I do - onward to spice ;).
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): in fact you are among the majority of girls. being submissive during sex is very natural for females.
but unfortunately, not every guy is dominant.
if you don't want to use your tongue to ask him, use your body language. bend over for him and get him encouraged to spank you. buy a pair of handcuffs and give them to him as a present (make sure to give him a kinky smile while he opens the present). tie yourself to bed before he steps in the bedroom. or anything else that suggests what you want. use your imagination. he will get the idea. but can he fulfil your desires? it really depends on his nature.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (29 April 2012):
 "I can't bring myself to tell him about these fantasies because I'm scared of what he'll think about them. how can i get him to be more physically dominant without having to say anything?"
First off, know that your fears are unwarranted. I have yet to meet a woman that wants a passive guy in the bedroom. Every woman wants a more dominant guy, unless that woman is a dominatrix. There is nothing unusual or weird about you wanting a sexually aggressive man once in a while. If fact, it's completely really normal. He won't think you're a freak, or weird. Chances are he'll probably like it, so just tell him!
If you can't tell him what you want, you will never get it. The whole point in having a healthy, functioning relationship is to be able to talk freely about whatever. I told my partner to be more aggressive. He wasn't offended, or creeped out. He even likes it, so just tell the man. You're worrying about nothing.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 April 2012):
 get a lovely silk scarf...
dress in your best lingerie
take the scarf... walk up to him
drape the scarf around his neck
grab each end while facing him..
start walking (backwards) to the bedroom
and say in your most seductive voice:
"wanna tie me up????"
that should work...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): OP can you not see the complete futility of what you're asking?
You're basically asking us how you can make your boyfriend read your mind. How can he know what you want if you don't tell him?
Just tell him you like to be roughed up sometimes, tell him you'd like him to dominate you sometimes or you could just ease him into it.
Next time you're having sex, tell him to pin your arms down, and just bit by bit tell him to do the things you want. Have a safety word prepared and ask him to give it a try.
There's nothing wrong with being a bit kinky OP.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): A lot of men enjoy being a little rough, but are afraid to act on their impulses because they don't want to hurt/scare away their SO.
I think the best approach would be to just tell him you want him to be a little more rough. What is the worst that can happen? If he is wants to leave you for telling him something that turns you on he isn't worth keeping. I encourage my SO to tell me what she enjoys so I can better please her. Trust me, any tips are greatly appreciated. Just makes sure you tell him about it while you aren't getting ready for the act or just finished. It could potentially hurt his self esteem.
I would say ask him "want to know an amazing dream I had about us that turned me on?". He would obviously want you to continue. Then you tell him "Well I just got home from work, and you grabbed my arms, pinned me up against the front door and started whispering what you were going to do to me. I woke up and it suprisingly turned me on." He would definitely try to make that fantasy or something similar happen. Make sure not to go into too much detail or he might be scared he would fuck it up for you. Keep it short and to the point, and end the "dream" before it gets really good ;).
Are you afraid that it would that ruin the feeling and excitement of fearing him? If you are just scared of how he would react, i don't think you should be. If it is something very important to you(a relationship breaker), you should see if he is ok with being more dominant before continuing the relationship and continuously being unsatisfied.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): Just encourage or compliment him whenever he does anything remotely dominant. Then bit by bit he will gradually do it more. Be patient and just tell him how much it turns you on when he just did his or that (even if its only a bit).As for whether its normal or healthy I think it just depends on where you're coming from mentally and emotionally with this. My ex used to get very physical when he was aroused and I hated it because he didn't care if it was hurting or scaring me and if I told him and asked him to stop he would ignore me or not believe me and say I was just pretending to play hard to get and he would carry on so I felt terrified and violated each time. My therapist said my husband was actually ^^^^^^ me and i was showing PTSD -like symptoms but he of course denied it since he felt that if you're married there is no such thing as ^^^^. That was what led me to divorce him finally. I simply hated sex with him because it was just him violating me. I would have nightmares about it regularly too. I dreaded bed times because I never knew when I was going to be woken by a nightmare and if it would actually be real not a dream. With my current bf its total opposite he is so loving and considerate and respectful of me that I willingly wanted to 'submit' (for lack of better term) to him and when he saw how much I liked it he became more dominant but its totally different from my ex because with my bf I have total and complete trust in him. I feel completely safe in his hands so when i 'submit' to him its the deepest most profound way (considering my past) i can show him how much i trust him and it feels so right whereas with my ex it felt completely horrible and wrong.
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