A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need help... My best friend is a guy I have known since high school...11 years. We do everything together. I go to his family functions and he goes to mine. Years ago he told me that he never wanted to ruin our one of a kind friendship by trying to be more than friends, but when he drinks he calls and tells me how much he loves me,holds my hand and kisses on me. Then when he is sober he suddenly doesn't remember saying/doing those things. Last week he was set up with a girl and he seems to really like her, but 2 days before he was drunk and telling me how much he loved me. It is KILLING me, I feel like I am being torn up inside. I don't want to say anything to him because he did make it clear that we were only friends, but I realize I really want so much more. I want him in my life, but I don't even want to meet this girl, so how can I deal with this? Do I tell him how I feel, or do I distance myself from him? I hate this feeling!
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 April 2008):
 Hi there,
he's playing with your emotions by tearing up when he gets drunk. It is not fair on you.
You need to tell him how you feel, he may just be waiting for this moment. You mention that "years ago" he told you he wouldnt want to spoil the relationship. Well time changes things, what he said when he was in his early twenties will be very different from what he will be thinking now.
So why not take the plunge, he may be waiting for you to admit your feelings as well.
If you do and he doesnt take you up on the offer then that's the way it goes as you have reached a point in your relationship where things have to go one way or the other.
A
female
reader, citris +, writes (7 April 2008):
 It sounds like this guy has everything he needs! A best friend, someone who will allow him to be lovey dovey and drunk, who will let him kiss on her while he is drunk, then play the fool and let him be a free man otherwise.
If it's killing you, tell him how you feel and see how he takes it and go from there.
If you think it will destroy your friendship, you have to be the one to decide what is more important to you, to have him in your life as a friend, or to chance it.
The fear of being replaced by another girl may also be something to think about. Are you afraid that your friendship with him will suffer when he begins seriously dating another girl? Will everything between the two of you change? Are you trying to hold on to something that it may be time to let go of?
These are all things to think about.
Maybe you should sit down, write out the pro's and con's of staying as you are, and the pro's and con's of moving forward and telling him your feelings. This could help you figure out what you really want your next step to be.
Best of luck to you and keep us updated please!
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