A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend takes me for granted and does not commit as much to the relationship. I feel like its 70/30 and I'm giving the 70%. She is very independent and I need more time and touch from her than she gives me. I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic and try to surprise her and she doesn't like that. Lately we have been arguing about every little thing and I feel like we have taken a step backwards. Im not sure how to get back to where we were since she gets so wrapped up with work and other things that she puts me off. How do I make her fall in love with me again after she has taken a step backwards? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 June 2012):
 It sounds that you and her have mis-matched love styles.
you want romantic dinners, dimmed candles, flowers, her making the effort to put on perfume and a sexy dress just for you.
you love giving compliments and receiving them.
You want hugs, sweet loving cards exchanged btween the two of you. You'd love a love note pushed into your lunch that she lovingly made.
Enter the bathroom first thing in the morning and what do you see? Her writing on the mirror telling you,in lipstick that she loves you.
You could handle her reading you love poems as you snuggle into each other on Sunday Morning.
Does this sound like your girlfriend?
No, I did not think so.
This is what you do have:
She works late something in order to meet a deadline. She puts more effort into her appearance and makeup for work than she does when it will just be you and her together.
She's tired at the end of the day bit she still can find the time to sit up in bed and read a report she just has to read. She rings you from work and tells you to pick up some things from the supermarket and she'll be home a little later.
She wants to sleep in sometimes, Alone. Because she needs to catch up some sleep. She can find time to go to the Gym because it is important that she looks good at work.
She power breakfasts occasionally to build up her network of contacts and you are left alone to make your own breakfast at home.
If and when children arrive she may like you to stay home to be the house husband/stay at home father (NOT that there is anything wrong with that - I know couples who have alternated - he looked after the first one at home, then she took time off to look after the second one at home). But she would prefer it be you as her CAREER is more important to her than anything.
yes maybe even more important to her than you are.
How long can you put up with receiving 30% effort from her as her input into this relationship?
She may not be the woman for you long term.
But trust me, there really are millions of romantic women out there who would love to spoil you and would shower you in hugs, compliments, input and love.
And they could still have a career too.
But their first priority would be their relationship not their next promotion.
Can you put up with another 30 years where your life is short on sensuality, short on hugs, kisses, loving?
Short on fun? flippancy, humour, delighted squeals of happiness when she sees you? Willingness to contribute 50%plus not 30% of the emotion, empathy, consideration and commitment and joy into the relationship?
She may change. I have seen really driven women become more loving after their first child has been born.
But some women do not change, and some only change reluctantly. And some only make token changes and complain over and over again about even having to make token changes.
Can you continue without abundant loving sensulity and a caring partner who really wants to bring more love and joy and hugs and kisses into this relationship?
Only you can answer that question.
Best Wishes
Abella
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (26 June 2012):
 If you had the answer to that, you would be a multi-millionaire. I was in a relationship where I felt the same way. No effort was made on his part to make the relationship better in any way. I also needed more touch, more intimacy, etc...just any sign that he cared. I really worked hard to make things better and perhaps too hard because he didn't do anything. Sadly, the relationship ended after several years. It is very difficult when one person doesn't want to develop closeness though. You can feel very alone. Have you tried to talk with her about all of this? I would start there or maybe try to plan something that you both enjoy doing. Maybe others will have some good advice for you. I know I worked very hard and tried everything, but my ex just "checked out" of the relationship. It was very hurtful. I hope you can work something out.
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