A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 16 and my girlfriend (16) of 9 months now recently went on a a weeks trip with two of her friends. I trusted her fully with her friends as she was staying with her grandparents.All was well, when she got back I asked her how it went. I found out her two mates (who already had boyfriends) had cheated on them and had gotten off with someone for a fling. My girlfriend told me that she hadn't and I still believed her. I only had slight doubts until I read messages on her phone where she had told one of the lads (out of 10 of them) that her and her mates were all single. Some of the messages made out that she was picking and choosing lads and telling him what she thought of them (boyfriend wise). I confronted her and we argued. She told me that she hadn't cheated on me and she was only doing it for fun. I still have tiny doubts to this day. I understand what those lads were trying to get from our girlfriends but it isn't there fault in the end. Some of these lads aren't very decent though. One was 19 and had lied about his age to have sex with a 13 year old. I can't believe my girlfriend was stupid enough to give her number to strangers, let alone other boys.The biggest problem is that my girlfriend is going back to that place for another holiday soon. I don't know if I can trust her. I don't want to be too clingy and lose her over my insecurity. Please answer.
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male
reader, GreenTea  +, writes (3 August 2007):
Well confront her. Tell her your insecurities and tell her your bringing it up because you love her.
She shouldn't be doing that at all. Honestly it doesn't look good. I would have dumped her already.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 August 2007):
 Maybe she was doing that for the fun, indeed, but she shouldn't have let it happen. Would she be that understanding if you had had fun in this way?
As I see it, you will have problems trusting her from now on. With good reason, I must add. In addition to the "fun", she lied to you. Everyone understands why she lied, but, she lied. Also, judging from your words, she is managing this as if it didn't matter. Why doesn't it matter: because it was just a game which shouldn't have happened, or because she doesn't care what you think?
You say your biggest problem is she is going back to the same place. That is not your biggest problem: I assume there are other boys where you live, too. Your biggest problem is define whether you can trust her.
If you feel you can put this issue absolutely in the past and love her as she is, wonderful. Don't ever give in to the temptation of throwing it in her face. Take her as she is.
If you can't trust her, tell her, in a straightforward and firm manner, why you will be leaving her. Be polite; she is not a monster.
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A
female
reader, anon28 +, writes (3 August 2007):
 Go with her. That way she's not left alone when, her friends are off cheating on their boyfriends. What exactly was she doing when they did that last time. If i went on holiday with friends who were cheating while i was left on the side, i would n't go on holiday with them next time. My boyfriend went away for 6 days with workmates who cheated on their girlfriends. I feel the same as you do. He's not going anywhere without me, until i feel i can trust him totally. I don't know how many times i've heard people say their partners were away and the friends cheated, but not them,nope never them. I bet the friends are saying the same thing. I'm not saying she's guilty, but she should understand your concerns. Giving her number to 10 guys is a bit tarty. No-one gets my number, i've got a partner and have no interest in hearing from vulture guys looking for cheap thrills. Good luck. Why don't you go away with the lads and have a ball
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