A
female
age
30-35,
*dsbabygirl
writes:This is my problem. My boyfriend swears up and down that he would never cheat on me, but he has done a lot of things to make me jealous, it has gotten to the point where it seems all that all I am is jealous. We fight almost all the time now. It is really sad because I love him and I just want us to be happy. August 16 is our 1 year anniversary and I really want to make this change for him. How can I stop being so jealous?
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female
reader, edsbabygirl +, writes (4 January 2010):
edsbabygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the question just for the update. that fucking bastard is gone out of my life
A
male
reader, Zim  +, writes (4 August 2007):
 Don't worry about feeling immature. We ALL have the feelings you described. Sometimes it helps having another few people tell you what you really know in your heart. I cannot tell you how pleased I am about his reaction. Well done to you too. It sounds like you two have a bright future ahead of you. All the best.
ZIM
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A
female
reader, edsbabygirl +, writes (4 August 2007):
edsbabygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionToday I did a lot of thinking about my relationship. I thought about every aspect of it. I calmy told my boyfriend how I was feeling neglected and I apoligized for the way I had been acting the prior day. HE calmy replied with an understanding matter. I feel like the happiest girl in the world because we listened to eachother. He apoligized for neglecting my feelings and putting my life at risk. NOw I feel better. He has never cheated on me. I am the only girl he has ever been with. Now, I just need to find those qualities that I have better than the girls that try to hit on my man. Thank you for all the answers. It just makes me sad that I didn't know what to do my self. And I will agree that I am very immature being a 16 year old girl in a long-term sexual relationship. Thank you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): First, if he cheated on you, I think it is natural for you to be jealous. This is not just a problem for you it is a problem for both of you. I do agree with the earlier posts talk to him in a calm manner and inform him what makes you unhappy and point out situations so he can relate to it. Do not nag him about the subject. Once you talk about it just end the conversation and move on to something else. Please also understand this is something he will have to work on also. He distroyed the trust you had in him so he should be willing to work with you if he cares for you. If he is mean and calls you names he does not take your feelings seriously.
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, Zim +, writes (3 August 2007):
That is my pleasure but my motivation doesn't come through ratings but results. Thank you anyway as it is much appreciated!:-) You said that he knows he can control you. By this, i'm assuming that he knows how to persuade you to do things you don't necessarily want to do in the first place? It might be a good idea to begin to assert more control over your relationship. Do it after this point though as you have enough to think about at the moment i'm sure.:-) It will bring you more self-esteem and show him that you're not a pushover, therefore increasing his respect for you. This can have the added effect of him wanting to impress you (i.e. be romantic amongst other things). But as I said, best to get one thing done at a time eh?:-) Good luck for the future, edsbabygirl.
ZIM
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A
male
reader, Wildlife dude  +, writes (3 August 2007):
 Without knowing what your b/f did that made you jealous, I would say part of it could be your age and that you are feeling a bit insecure about yourself as a person. When ever you feel jealous about another girl, try focusing on the things you have that she doesn't. Maybe you're prettier, funnier, have longer legs. Whatever mind game helps you to feel less insecure. Men at this age have wandering eyes and little self restraint. But if you continue to tell him, in a calm rational way, that you'd like for him not to do' xyz in front of you (such as staring, gawking, flirting with the waitress) do it maturely, not like some screaming mimi. This worked on me. My current g/f is very calm, even when she's pissed at something I've done and it throws me totally off. I'm used to women freaking out and screaming at me if I do something that offends them. Not this lovely lady. She picks a time when we're alone and then very casually brings up something she noticed last week, two nights ago, or whatever. Because I'm expecting this to be a big knock-down-drag-out fight, it throws me totally off guard. So I've learned to listen and she usually has a valid point that I have indeed done something offensive. I hope this helps you out.
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A
female
reader, edsbabygirl +, writes (3 August 2007):
edsbabygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for taking the time to answer my question. I just feel so helpless and I wish that I could control myself more. But from what you just said, I think that I can do it. I will try talking to him today about my feelings. He usually just calls me stupid, but who knows, maybe I can get through to him.
When we first started dating, he was more caring than I was. It all changed when he realized that he could control me. It isn't fair because I love him with all my heart and he takes advantege of it at times. I just want a healthy realtionship with him.
Thank you for listening to what I had to say Zim. You have been a great help and I rated your answer a 5 star. Kayla
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A
male
reader, Zim +, writes (3 August 2007):
I have been in a very similar situation to you. The process is long but it's very worthwhile. It is very important to stop these feelings of jealousy as the relationship will break down irrevocably as a result. What exactly has he done to make you feel jealous? There are a host of reasons why some men have certain actions, all of which i'm happy to explain. One quote that is important to remember in this situation is:"Never borrow from the future. If you live in dread of what may happen and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice."Simply explained, there is no point in worrying about events that may or may not happen in the future. Your boyfriend may have done things to give you reason to feel jealous, but has he actually done anything? The answer to this is probably no. However, it is important that he understands your worry. Understandably, you want to feel safe in your relationship. We all do. Relationships only work on the basis of trust. What I suggest is this. Talk to him about it again, but don't ask him to promise you that he will never cheat on you. Requests like that tire a person out and they begin to feel that you don't trust them. Instead, speak to him in a civilised conversation (Perhaps over dinner in a restaurant or at home) apologising for your jealous actions first. The Key to this is that you always speak in a low and friendly voice. The reason for this is that your bf is unlikely to expect you to talk about such a subject in such a way, forcing him to listen to your every word. Not only will this make the conversation more relaxed (it is very important to not raise your voice) it will allow the conversation to open up. Explain that the reason for your jealous feelings is in main part due to his actions. Explain that you don't want to feel this jealousy but that his actions (I do not know what actions he did to make you feel this way) have had the effect of making you feel this way. End with saying that you don't want to argue about it and you just felt that he needed to know the reasoning behind your feelings. He hopefully should respect these feelings of yours, especially since you have spoken about them to him in such a mature manner.If you want some ideas about anniversary things to do, I have a few. Just ask and i'll reply when I can. I hope that this has answered your question. If it hasn't please reply back and i'll endeavour to give some more advice if I can. Don't worry about your feelings of jealousy though. They are completely natural. One last piece I can give is, that whenever the jealous feelings return, give your mind a mental metaphorical slap in the face and think that it's stupid to think that he would ever do that. It sounds strange but believe me it works.I shall leave you in peace now.:-) Good luck.ZIM
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