A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am so confused right now. My live-in boyfriend of about 1 1/2 year and I have been fighting quite a bit. When it's good, it's truly the best I've ever had, and he says the same thing. He's a bit younger, 33 to my 37, and never been in a 'serious' grown-up relationship before. He gets mad when I say anything unpleasant, calls me a bitch, and then we'd get into major fight. I didnt want to give up, so I vowed to just be pleasant for a while, keep it light, and things have been lovely again, he again saying how when it's good with us it's the best he's ever had etc. Then yesterday, our dog was stolen and he also informed me his brother was moving in. I was upset, crying, and he got angry, calling me a bitch saying I was taking it out on him etc. He's being so cruel while I am simply heartbroken about the dog and now us also. Do I need to just leave this mean man, or continue to try to make it work?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know i am pretty much obsessing on this right now, but here it is. he showed up at our work last nite wanting to talk all lite about the floors he's sanding. i was working on Lost Dog fliers to hand around when i got off work. i was still pretty sad about the dog, i mean it had been less that 24 hours since we lost him. because i wasnt all loveydovey and happy he got mad and said i was a bitch etc. he thinks that a person should just get over stuff and move on. so we fought, i stayed at my parents, cried on the phone begging him to just be nice but no way. my mom says that at this point he thinks he can just be as mean as he wants cuz i keep taking it, and the only chance of him changing is to leave. i know it sounds lame to say 'but i love him' cuz he's being such a jerk, but he's not always like this, which is why i dont want to just leave. i guess if this keeps up i'll just quit loving him and then leave. its just so stupid and a waste, but i guess thats just how it is. thank you for your time and advice.
A
female
reader, skye  +, writes (3 August 2007):
 Hello anon, Im not surprised that you are feeling so confused. You care for your boyfriend, yet you feel you cannot be yourself around him. He may never have experienced a serious relationship before, but he is 33 years old and therefore he should understand that we dont always feel "sweetness and light" everyday.
We all get grumpy and upset from time to time, and more often than not its our poor partners who suffer. All relationships are give and take, otherwise they just dont work out. Most people would agree with that statement; so you should be able to say the odd unpleasant thing to him (Im assuming it is only on occassion and that you apologise later) and not have to put up with name calling or huge fights each time. We all need trust and understanding from our life partner.
Perhaps it wasnt the best time to tell you that his brother was moving in. You are hurting over your dog, so a little sympathy can often go a long way too. Explain to your boyfriend that you would rather his brother found alternative housing.
You cant keep living like this. You are being called nasty names, walking on eggshells incase you upset him, and the fighting would exhaust anyone! You need to get your life back and find a decent man who will accept you warts and all. There are still a few left out there.
Dont just settle for the good times with this man, for they will be at the expense of "you". You deserve happiness and it is unlikely that you will fully find it in this relationship.
Good luck
Skye.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): I am appauled that a man can be so cruel when you have just lost a dog. I would be heartbroken too. All you need is love and support - he is clearly a cold hearted man. My advice? Leave him - and do it soon.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (3 August 2007):
 Well how long are you prepared to continue to try and make it work, and why should it be you that just try's.
Damn sure i would not stay with anyone that called me a bitch thats just disrespectful, i have been with my husband twelve years and we have been through some rough times but neither of us have ever used words like that.
Take care.xx.
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