A
female
age
30-35,
*adedpearl
writes:I have a boyfriend who was with a woman for 7 years they were engaged (I do not know for how long). Anyways, their relationship was mainly long distance with her in Europe and him in the U.S. He would basically fly to Europe to be with her multiple times throughout the year and they would spend their time together traveling and having fun. To make a long story short she ended up cheating on him and on top of that ended up passing away. Now that we are together I feel it is getting serious. We have not however travelled at all together or gone on vacations-- stuff like that. He is much older than I am and I feel like since he was with her for so long he had his chance to go out and see the world and have his time to enjoy life. I feel like with this previous relationship he is pretty much done exploring the world. He wants to settle down and have kids where as I am not ready for that stage in my life. I do not like the fact that he was previously engaged and shared so many great memories with her. I feel like I want to be with someone who hasn't had many experiences in life and that I can be their first to go traveling and have fun with. I want to be someone's "one and only." Is it wrong for me to feel this way?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (2 January 2013):
 No it is not wrong to feel this way, in fact it is very normal to feel like this when there is a big age gap involved.
You are both clearly at different stages of life - he has had all his fun, done the travelling and exploring the world and now wants to settle down. Whereas you are very young, you want to explore the world and have fun - kids and marriage is not exactly helpful if you want to be out there having fun!
You probably should have thought about this when you first met him, this is always the case with age gap relationships. With you being so young you still have a lot of living left to do, so being in a relationship with an older man doesnt really match your current life stage.
So you now need to make a choice - do you want to give up your dreams of travelling and exploring the world to settle down with this man? Or would it be wiser to let him go so he can settle down with someone closer to his own age, and you can be free to do whatever you want with your life.
I think the second option is the sensible choice, you will only regret missing opportunities if you settle down with him. You will resent him for stopping you from living your life as you wanted, and your relationship would suffer. It sounds to me like this relationship has run its course and you may be best calling time now, before either of you get hurt further.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 January 2013):
 No... it's not "wrong" for you to feel as you've described, OR any other way....
What's out-of-sync - as you describe it - is that you would like to be with a man who is not too worldly.... and you'd like to share your exploration of this world with him (your man).....
Since this new B/F of your's does not fit this criterion, which is so important to you, then you have to sit down and face the REAL question.... Can you/will you ever enjoy a relationship with this man who doesn't fit your bill?
Good luck.....
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