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age
51-59,
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writes: I am someone can give me some advice. I am in a dilemma that I cannot goto anyone else in my life for advice. I am pretty sure that I have fallen in love with a co-worker. We instantlly clicked and he makes me feel things I have never felt before for anyone. The problem is he is gay and has been in a committed relationship for a long time. He has not always been gay and has children from a previous relationship. I am married to a man who quite frankly takes me completely for granted and treats me pretty crappy most of the time. My friend is there for me and knows me better than my husband of 10 years does. He takes the time to listen to me and ask me about my life. He makes me laugh so hard that it can bring me to tears. When he looks into my eyes, I melt. We are so connected that he can know exactly what I am thinking just by looking into my eyes. I think about him all the time and I am not sure what to do. I really do love him. I know he has feelings for me. I have so much to lose by telling him how I feel.My best girlfriend thinks I am crazy and says things like you know where he has been. I know I will never be able to complete him, but he completes me. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man. Should I tell him how I feel and risk our friendship?? Can a straight man become gay and then turn straight again?:?? Is that humanly possible??? and what if we get together will he leave me for a man some day??? Do you think he is bi-sexual?? Whenever I look at him, he always is looking at me. When he holds me, he really holds me. We have never kissed, but I think it almost happened the other day. I am just so afraid of losing him.
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female
reader, banjopicker  +, writes (10 September 2010):
You are adding fuel to two fires. Make sure one is out before starting the second. End your bad marriage if you want to, but not because of this new relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): I am a gay man in this situation. I am in love with my best friend who is a woman. OMG I honestly think you are her just by the what you wrote. Love does not know gender or sexual orientation. Love comes from the soul. I believe that my girl is my soul mate and we were made for each other. She is the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time. I am afraid to tell her how I feel because I am gay. I did not know I was bi before I met her. I was with a woman many years ago and just did not love her the same way. Just keep your chin up and things will happen. You need to get rid of your loser husband first and see how things go. Never say never. I would not go running to your friend professing your undying love for him but don't give up. Be his best friend and give him time to make his choice. I would not be surprised if you are the one he chooses. You sound like a great person. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): I have been in this similar situation. I honestly think you need to fix your current situation first. Your friend sounds like he may have bi tendencies but he is gay. Gay men have a way of getting into their female friends heart unlike any other guy can for some reason. I think they can relate to us so much better than straight men can. I have a gay best friend that I have had in my own life for years. He, like your friend is the perfect man as far as I am concerned. I once confused this for love. It is sad to say but it was easy to do so. He is such a huge part of my life. I came close to jeopardizing our friendship. I am so glad that I didn't. I eventually came to grips with everything and realized that I loved him very much but I could never be in love with him. Good Luck and think twice before you destroy your friendship. I am certain that he does indeed love you very much but he will never ever be in love with you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 August 2010):
He was always gay. You'll find that he was always gay, and that he repressed it for some time before coming to terms with who he was. I don't think he is bi-sexual, because if he was he would have made more of a go of his marriage. As it is, he just ended the marriage, left his child and moved in with another man. He is gay.
I don't think you are in love. I think you're in a crap marriage that you're not dealing with properly one way or another, and I think this gay friend of yours is the antidote. The problem is that you are now projecting a lot of things on to him, whilst ignoring the glaring fact that this man is totally gay and is in a committed relationship with someone. That says it all about this man. Sure, he listens to you, makes you feel good and such. But then he's not around you all the time like your husband is. You don't know what he's like behind closed doors (apart from being gay!)
You simply can't tell him. Not only will you ruin your friendship, but you'll make your own work life difficult, you'll look a little foolish because you already know he's gay, and if it comes out your husband will have the upper hand.
If you are in an unhappy marriage, either get to grips with it, or divorce. That's the first thing you have to do. Forget met, forget telling a gay man you love him and make a decision about your marriage once and for all. You're either married, or you're divorced. You can't be having affairs and all that. You'll be the one who looks bad. Focus on your marriage and make a decision. Then decide about the rest of your life.
As for this gay guy, don't tell him. He's gay, and he's in a committed relationship.
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