A
female
age
30-35,
*ollieMc
writes:How to get over your "fiance'" of almost 5 years?I have not ended the relationship Totally; not nearly set in stone. I have just showed anger. I believe I probably SHOULD end it... Yet!, I am weary to end the relationship because I feel it will hurt me more than what I am going through at this moment.He continuously thinks it is ok to talk/mingle/reminisce with his previous "booty calls", "1st loves", "ex girlfriends", "old high school 'FRIENDS'", AS WELL as the girl he had cheated on me with, (( he cheated during the beginning of our relationship. He claims we were on a 'break' when he cheated, so I guess I let it slide!))All of which he has had sex with, as well as an emotional relationship of some type!I have caught him calling many of them, and also seen many disturbing messages, and emails; which he forgot to erase THAT time! I am not a snoop, but when I HAPPEN to come across his things, there is normally something that is Surly there to see. So I can only imagine how much stuff I have not seen?He frequently re assures me that I am the one he wants to spend his life with, and he would give his life for me, blah blah blah. I believed it. Till I see yet another mistake he has made. This has been going on basically the entire duration of our relationship. I am very emotionally attached to this man, I feel pretty strong at the moment, but like i said, I have not broken anything off. To him I am merely upset once again. I'm sure this will be even more upsetting if I do call it quits. Every time he asks me if I want to end the relationship, (after I complain of this) I cry uncontrollable, just because I can not see myself without him. I thought he was the one? He said I am the one! WE are engaged for goodness sake! Well, I tried to keep this post relatively short :/ANY advice would be Greatly greatly appreciated!Please any advice how to stop him,? Or either get over him if there is nothing else to do?Thank you so much!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 September 2010):
 So he knows you cannot tolerate him being in contact with the women he has had sexual/emotional intimacy with, but he keeps doing it anyway, behind your back?
You've been engaged for nearly 2 years, do you actually have a wedding date? If you don't have a wedding date, would you really define that as 'engaged'? Wouldn't it be more like, 'committed'?
He sounds like one of those guys who think what they do won't matter as long as they don't get caught. Basically, a potential (or actual?) cheater who is getting away with things, over and over again. He knows that if he sits tight and appeals to your undeniable love for him, you won't leave him and things eventually will call down.
He could be hugely insecure and needs the ego-stroking of having a flock of 'his' women still clucking around him. He could be a cheater who has women still on the side.
You might be over-reacting to him being friends with his exes. But I think the whole package of what you explained doesn't sound particularly promising.
How old is he? How old are you? If you are 21 and have been together for 5 years, then you were just 16 when the relationship began. So his booty calls and first loves (technically, you only have one first love, the next one would be the second, the one after that the third, you get the idea) would have happened before you were together, and he would have been what age?
It sounds to me that he isn't really ready to commit to you and shut his girl friends and ex-girlfriends out completely. (How many could he have, if he is 21, and has been with you for 5 years?}
I don't think you can stop him. He's a grown up. He knows it bothers you. He does it anyway. Not ideal.
There's an article here on getting over your ex and there have been many many posts on breaking up. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html
Personally, if you were my sister or girlfriend, I'd say that perhaps it's time you learn what it's like to be a self-reliant and independent woman, get to know your own strengths, like and dislikes, all on your own, before you tie yourself to a guy with questionable judgement and a lack of self-restraint or boundaries.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, HollieMc +, writes (1 September 2010):
HollieMc is verified as being by the original poster of the question OH! I just noticed I put "'fiance' of almost five years" well I meant to say we have had a relationship of almost 5 years. We have know each other for approximately 8 years, and have been engaged for about a 1 1/2-almost 2yrs.
I Had to correct this because I did not want it to sound like I have been engaged since I had been a teenager. :P
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A
female
reader, HollieMc +, writes (1 September 2010):
HollieMc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOH! I just noticed I put "'fiance' of almost five years" well I meant to say we have had a relationship of almost 5 years. We have know each other for approximately 8 years, and have been engaged for about a 1 1/2-almost 2yrs.
I Had to correct this because I did not want it to sound like I have been engaged since I had been a teenager. :P
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