A
female
age
30-35,
*londeBabe x
writes:Hey guys could really use your advice here! I’ll give you a little back story first just so the situation makes sense. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for just over three months now but it’s how that came to be that’s a bit complicated. Basically, he was one of my closet guy friends and he liked me for months without telling me but at that point I didn’t feel the same way. But with him telling me this it made me see him in a different way and we grew a lot closer...that was until he tells me he has got a girlfriend. However, he still treated me the same way he always had (just always being funny, caring about how I felt, flirty) so all the while he has a girlfriend but I have these feelings developing for him. Anyway, to cut a long story short, he and his girlfriend break up and it’s me that’s left to pick up the pieces. Yet again we grow closer but knowing he had just broken up with someone I couldn’t act on how I felt, that just wouldn’t have been fair. Time passed but life and exams got in the way and they had to take priority so we drifted apart for a while and he and his girlfriend got back together. But yet again we still act the same way towards each other, flirty and jokey, however this time it was killing my heart that he was acting the same with me, so I told him that he had to back off a little as I liked him but would never do anything about it as he had a girlfriend. I forced myself to stop talking to him all the while I have my friends telling me that me that me and him would be perfect together, which wasn’t great to be honest. But I hear through the grape vine that he and his girlfriend broke up and curiosity got the better of me and I had to find out what had happened. He told me that he felt the same and he had essentially broken up with her for me, at that point I couldn’t really decide if I was pleased about that as I felt bad for her. She still loathes me to this day regardless of the fact I never did anything.Now, here comes when everything started to go wrong.He took a while to actually ask me out and since then everything has been so...awkward. It’s like our moment has passed and we are still stuck in the ‘friend zone’. We essentially have no spark. When we spend time together there is always this awkward silence between us, I can personally talk for Britain but there’s only so much I can do. I am desperate to get out of the rut; I don’t want to lose him as I feel like we’ve already wasted so much time, he is perfect for me as I have a quirky, fiery personality where as he is just chilled and laid back. So I have plan.Valentine’s Day is Tuesday and I have gone romantic; personalised card and all. But here’s the important part, I have invited him over to my house for Valentine’s Day and it feels like all or nothing. Here is my question, how do I break the awkward tension that is between us? How do you get from being friends to actually being a couple? How do we get that spark back that was there before? Or is it already too late?
View related questions:
broke up, flirt, got back together, has a girlfriend, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 February 2012):
 I think it's more personal to ask him this. If you are sure about him you should work as a team rather than guessing individually. The debate whether people can go from friends to couple is split into two opinions. Kissing can break the tension. How easy that kiss is tells you how much chemistry you have.
A
female
reader, BlondeBabe x +, writes (10 February 2012):
BlondeBabe x is verified as being by the original poster of the question I know for a fact that he likes me, I know that for sure. I would literally trust him with my life as he is one of the most sincere, genuine people I have ever met. We essentially played a game of cat and mouse for like 2 years to get to this point. He never said 'I like you but I have a girlfriend', that was me. I told him that we couldn't be as close.
I also know the he broke up with her for me, because he was asking one of my friends what he should do as he did still have feelings for me from when he liked me originally.
I wouldn't go as far as 'pressuring him', I asked him over and he said yes. I just want to know if there often a problem for people that go from friend to being a couple? And if so, how to break that tension.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (10 February 2012):
You have to know what you like about each other romantically. It's not very clear what you see in each other besides friendliness. Tension is not all bad. Without tension you are lukewarm as friends. He may not be fully ready for another relationship. He could say whatever he wants but his actions has to match his words. I don't ever think people can break up because of a third person, there has to be something fundamentally wrong within the relationship. You have a bond with him. You see his good qualities mainly and I am not denying that he doesn't have them. It's just that from an outsider's point of view it's not very appropriate to act flirty jokey and caring to a female friend, saying "I like you, but I got a girlfriend." while being in a committed (in whatever way) relationship, regardless of the ups and downs and challenges that one faces. It's still better to reveal (that he has gf) this later than never. He's honest at least. He has been wishy washy, undecisive these few months. I would feel very insecure with him actually.
Doing romantic things on Valentine's day feels like a big jump for me. He would feel pressured. If he feels love for you, he will make a move even if you brought nothing on tuesday. If he doesn't, no amount of roses would change anything.
...............................
|
