A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and a guy talked for almost a year. Let's call this guy S. Well at the beginning of me and S "relationship" he had just gotten out of a 6 month relationship. At this time me and S (very flirtatious, always touching on someone type guy) were close friends and whenever we'd hug he'd always try to sneakingly grab my behind. I didn't allow such behavior because I knew he had a girlfriend and in no way would I disrespect her or let him disrespect her. But he would always talk to me about how wonderful his girlfriend was or come to me when they were having problems. Of course, me being a friend, I listened. They started going down hill a lot and during that time he tried his hardest to get me to admit that I liked him and I did and he admitted the same. Eventually his girlfriend left him and he cried to me, wondering why it had to end. So I comforted him, letting him know every thing would be fine. This is when every thing began. He became needy toward me, saying he had deep feelings for me, he wants to be with me but he doesnt want to hurt me. I knew better. I did feel bad for him, but at the same time I knew his words couldn't be true and that he was just trying to make me his rebound. He even told me he doesn't want anyone to know that we were talking because he doesn't want drama. But we ended up getting involved anyway. We talked all day and all night, at school we hung around each other ALL the time and we would just express the way we feel about eachother. It was good. But then it got to the point where I started feeling disrespected. He would flirt with other girls in my face, touch on them like I wasn't there. Of course I confronted him about it. Yeah I know we weren't official, but I told him the least he can do is not do that when I'm around because I felt disrespected, but I didn't say he couldn't flirt and touch on other girls period. He told me he respects me. It seemed like the farther we got into the "relationship" the more he started doing hurtful things. About 4 months into it, he was really blunt with me and told me that he was messing around with other girls. I was irritated, but I already knew that it was a possibility that I wasn't the only one he was interested in. So I brushed it off like whatever. Then it start getting around that he was messing with this one girl at my school, and people actually knew they were messing around. But no one really knew about me and him, because he hung around her more then me and when he had the chance he'd come around me. I was furious and we had a discussion about it. S told me that he didnt like her at all and that she wouldn't leave him alone. I only thought that he played with this girl emotions and she believed he was hers. So I brushed that off too. Then 7/8 months into this mess, he said to me "You may be the only one I mess with. I don't know yet, but NO matter what we're gonna mess around." And at that time I'm not really thinkin about exactly what he said. All that matter to me was the keywords "ONLY ONE" and "NO MATTER WHAT". Then it came down to it that S told me that at the beginning of us talking it was a game, but it was no longer a game anymore because he actually did catch feelings for me here and there. Man, I was upset but I brushed that off also. At this point we actually did mess around for the first time. The whole time we just talked and made out and touched each other, but we actually started MESSING around, but there wasn't any anal sex or anything like that. Suddenly, it was heard that he dropped the girl that everyone knew he was messing around with and me being as stupid as I was I felt like it was a good thing. I believed he was about to stop with his games. He started getting on the subject about we should start having sex because we've been talking for a while so why not? And I said to him that I'm not gonna sit here and have sex with him and end up feeling stupid because he by some chance finds another girl who he may really like and drop me for her. Of course he disagreed and said that he wouldn't do that and he wouldn't get tired of me. I didn't believe it and I just wasn't down for letting him take my virginity. Then it all went down hill. There was this other girl who he took interest in and he begin hanging around her and they ended up talking. So I started feeling like he was dogging me out for her and I confronted her and told her to be careful because he just might play with her emotions. Let her tell it she knew what his game is about, but that didn't stop them from talking. Man, S had a fit when he found out I told her to be careful so he got on me about it and said I was messed up for doing what I did. We were still talking though. And that's when S came to me and told me he had a plan and that his plan was to take me out of the spotlight and put her in it, but I shouldn't worry about it. I waited a few weeks and I seen him all on her everyday, showing a much different affection with her then he did with the other girl, and what he wouldnt do with me in public. I was done. I told him I didn't want anything to do with him because I'm not gonna sit around and look stupid. And he told me "Sorry I guess. Things just didn't work out."So after that I hadn't talked to him or texted him. A few weeks went by and he'd try to get my attention, but I ignored him. He'd wave at me, I ignored him. He'd try to talk to me. I'd ignored him, but it only happened when his "girl" wasn't around. Eventually he texted me asking me if I still hate him, but I told him I don't hate him I just dislike him a lot at this point in my life and all I'm doing is moving on just like he did. And he said to me "Never said I did. Things don't always look as they seem." That's when I said Bye. Then the next day I decided to say "I know you miss me" and he said "I do miss you. I'm not gone lie" and I left it alone. Then, thursday afterschool, he just started talking to me asking me why am I bitter and I just ignored him. And he just thought it was the funniest thing. So after that on Friday he randomly text me asking me when I'mma give him head and that irritated me. Really bad. I didnt give him a straight answer. I started saying why he asking me and not his "girl" and that I'm not gonna disrespect her like that and he got pissed at me and started coming at me the wrong way and I told him maybe if he were nicer about it he'd get the answer he wanted and he asked me nicely, but I still said No. So then he was just on one talking about "next time you'll know to say yes." and i'm like you need to give me reasons as to why you want me to do things for you and he said "Ughh I'm frustrated and my "girl" annoys me" and I'm like OH I thought she was pleasing you and he said he's getting a little something but I still said no. So he was just going off on me and then I ended our convo and later that night he texted back apologizing. Then the next day he asked me again and I still said no and he said he's gonna keep asking me until I say yes. The funny part is, my best friend called me and said that S called him talking about he tryna make it work between us but I'm being difficult and that my bestfriend needs to tell me how S feels about me. Yet when my bestfriend asked S if his "girl" was bad business choice he said "NO, not at all". I'm not about to sit here and do anything for him. My question is, he chose that girl over me so why is he coming to me for things when he need to be going to her? Supposedly he likes her so much and it's not like she isn't pleasing him in some way. So what's up with that?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 December 2011):
 Oh yes, I remember the whole " messing around " saga . It sounds like you are stuck with it and can't let it go.
What do you care WHY does he ask you to give him head ? Is it so important ? The important thing would be if you'd start showing a little guts and a little self respect ( and a little good taste in your choice of men, this guy acts and talks absolutely horrible ) and would cut any contacts once and for all.
I'll humour you though, and I'll give you the most probable answer, - a very easy one to guess, actually, I am surprised with all that went down you did not figure this out by yourself.
Because he is a self serving egocentric young horny dog, and on a power trip too. He prefers his current gf, which does not mean that he does not like variety and he does not like bjs and stuff, particularly since he can get it with so little effort.
Think about it , maybe your low self esteem tells you that he is doing a lot to "win you back " but he is not even tryng that hard. He's having FUN, it's a sort of a game for him- he can count on you caving in eventually. With all he has done to you , with all the times he has humiliated you-yet you just need a little pressure, a little insistence from him, and eventually you'll do what he wants. Heck, I bet he likes it better this way, he has much more fun with conquering your lukewarm repulses, than if you'd say yes right away !
You are good entertainment for him, gf or no gf. Better than a day at the movies.
If you want to keep letting him have fun at your expenses, that's your choice. But I really hope you'll see that you have to stop and that you deserve much better from life.
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