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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I pledged not to lose my virginity until marrige but it has been hard with my kind of personality seeing naked guys and me getting wet. All the thoughts about having sex. I have a guy in my house currently and he has been here for over a week. At first, we did not do anyfin bevause the thought I have about him being my coursemate and all just turns me off. It was not until this week that we started doing things and five days ago we had anal sex and have been doing it constantly but the things is he told me he is a virgin and i am also virgin too. I believe him because he dosent know where to put his thing. Since we have started having anal sex, it is easier for him to slide through so he thinks it is my v*****. Does having anal sex make me no longer a virgin? I want to keep myself for my husband and still have sex thats why i am nt scared of the anal sex.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2014): make sure he uses condom to insure your and his safety from diseases.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): This is debatable or Its a crafty way to pretend that one's purity is untouched, so one girl could have one in the mouth up their ass and do this countless times and with many different men then give their so called pure virginity to a man and yet when the girl next door looses her virginity, has viginal sex once and is DUMPED she has lost her purity/virginity in the eyes of many?
So what is virginity really physical or spiritual?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): He said he wants to marry me in the nexy 5 years and he came.to clarify that. I told him i do not want to date now as I have been singke.for over a year and wanttto remain like that. Then he says what are we Fwb that he wants to date me and has planned me in his future...but he justcant resist the sex. I have refused to do any anal with him since seeing all your comments here.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): I wouldn't quite say you're a virgin( anal SEX rings a bell?) but maybe technically you still are ( still got hymen) so if you want to hold on to that, by all means do.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (23 February 2014):
Dear OP,
Why did you pledge to stay a virgin until marriage?
Because it just doesn't sound like you. You are a young, curious and sensual woman and that's okay. Why then not embrace more modern values which actually match your personality?
To me, it's pretentious to say you're a virgin when you had anal sex. Technically you might still have your hymen, but you don't have the "naive innocence" of a virgin. A virgin is someone who will be clueless in her wedding night about what's going to happen, thus leaving the guy to "introduce" her into the world of earthly pleasures (or at least his own). BUT you're already mastering one of the most difficult sex techniques, so, no, dear OP, to "stay" a virgin it's too late in my opinion. You know too much about sex already.
Besides, I think that whole "virgin" thing stems from an old patriarchal tradition where marriages were a deal between two families and the women had to be virgins as part of that trade (while men traditionally lost their virginity at the whore house). I guess the point was to make sure the guy didn't raise some other guy's kid.
Nowadays virginity is an option, so it shouldn't be defined as a technical term in a marriage deal but as a self-applied restriction.
Please OP, don't be ashamed because you are not a virgin anymore, but embrace your new status as a grown up, sexually experienced woman. Stay safe, use condoms, enjoy the experience of living in the 21st century - where you can marry but also have sex before marriage! If you want to save vaginal sex for your future husband, why not? I have certain things I save for that special someone I hope to meet one day. Even though I doubt it will make me "innocent".
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (23 February 2014):
 This reminds me of President Clinton swearing on National Television that he did not have sex with Monica Lewinsky, even though she gave him oral sex. I think that if you stick it in any orifice, it's sex. There are many women whose hymen is broken due to sports, etc, and never been with a man in any kind of intimate way. They are still virgins. You, my dear, may have your hymen intact, but you are not a virgin.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): A virgin is someone who has never had sexual intercourse. And sexual intercourse is penis-in-vagina sex. So, from that perspective, you are still a virgin. I believe the term is "technical virgin."But what's the point of being a technical virgin? You may be saving your vagina, but you are certainly not saving your innocence. I think you need to decide what you're really trying to do here.I had a friend who did only did oral and anal all through high school because she wanted to save her virginity. When she got to college, she realized she liked sex more than she liked being "a virgin" and started having vaginal sex too.Don't get me wrong. If you enjoy only doing anal, by all means keep doing what you're doing. But if you want to have vaginal sex too, you shouldn't feel obligated to abstain. Go ahead and do what you want without worrying about what label to use to define yourself.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 February 2014):
 How do you think gay men lose their virginity? Or lesbians?
What exactly do you want to keep for your future husband? Because, this guy you are having sex with is no longer a virgin, he had sex with you. And by so many definitions, you are no longer a virgin either, because you've been having sex too. The only thing you haven't done is him putting his penis in your vagina (by the way, why did you write v****?)
But what makes the vagina more holy than your anus?
It's the experience of intimacy that is supposed to be saved... For your future husband to be the first and only man you take to bed... That's the whole point of it. If you don't plan to actually keep it sacred, then keeping this or that random part of sex sacred becomes pointless.
"My dear, I was a virgin when I met you, but I did have loads of anal sex"
How does that sound to you?
If you, after sitting down and thinking about this, find out that you DO want to "save yourself" for your future husband, then you need to stop sleeping with other men.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): This is a gray area. There is no universal definition of "virginity" that absolutely answers this one way or another. There is an argument to be made that only penis-in-vagina sex constitutes a loss of virginity, any sexual activity at all means one is no longer a virgin, or anything in between.
What do YOU think? Do you feel like you're still a virgin? Like you're truly saving something for your future husband? If so, that's all that matters. Do what makes you happy, not what makes everybody else happy.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (22 February 2014):
Fill in the blanks: You have been having anal ____. You lose your virginity by having ____.
What you're doing is trying to cheat. What's the point of that? If your husband asks if you've ever had sex will you tell him no?
Now if you want to save your vagina for your husband than feel free, but saying you're a virgin is no longer true.
FYI, if you are trying not to have sex then stop putting yourself in situations where you're "seeing naked guys and getting wet". It's a lot harder to abstain.
Also be aware that anal sex can transmit diseases even easier than vaginal sex. Your husband will be awfully confused when you tell him you're a virgin and you have herpes/hpv/etc.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): Yes, I would term having had anal sex as having had sex. I would term as SEX any activity where at least two people take most of their clothes off and do things to each other which results to sexual arousal.
I find considering yourself a virgin because you haven't been penetrated vaginally but you have been penetrated anally very hypocritical.
But that's me. You have to make your own opinions
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female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (22 February 2014):
 Why don't you just marry this guy then you don't have to worry anymore... seeing as you're already having anal sex with him...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 February 2014):
 Anal SEX is called that because it's SEX.
Yes, you are "technically" a virgin because - the way to lose your virginity is a penis PENETRATING your vagina, not your butt.
However, I think it's ridiculous that you are willing to let a guy stick his penis up your backside, but you are holding out til marriage with the vagina. YOU are SEXUALLY active and with a guy you have know for a week.
And I'm a little surprised that it "slides" in that easily - that really doesn't sound like any kind of first time anal sex I have ever heard of.
With that said, you got to do what's right for you, even if I find it hypocritical.
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A
male
reader, DragonMan +, writes (22 February 2014):
 Greetings,
I've always found virginity especially in this case to be a debate of biological or ideological?
Let me example, do you equate virginity to never having sex (a.k.a ideological)or keeping your hymen intact (biological)
The choice is up to you and as such no one person can tell you if you are still a virgin or not in this situation
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male
reader, devont +, writes (22 February 2014):
 I don't know about others, but I would not class you as a virgin.
I don't think you can keep yourself for your husband and still have anal sex. How would you like it if your husband told you HE was a virgin, but then you found out he'd had anal sex with lots of different people? Would you not be hurt? Would you still think HE was a virgin?
Part of saving yourself for marriage if saving the INTIMACY of sex for just you and your husband. You have already shared that intimacy with someone else.
Why are you saving yourself anyway? For religious reasons? Cultural? You don't HAVE to wait if you don't want to... Especially seeing as you are already looking for a loophole in order to have sex outside of marriage.
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