A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This might seem like a funny question, but when do you think is the right time to tell someone about how sexually experienced you are ?. Should you wait until you actually become sexually active with them, or should you tell them before that ?. I feel embarrassed saying this, because of my age, but i am a virgin, and i worry about it more and more as i get older. I recently met a guy who wants to date me, and from the sounds of things, it seems like he has had sex before, and i'm worried that he might be shocked or put off when he finds out that i'm a virgin. This is depressing me as i don't want to seem like a freak.I even wonder if i should go back with my ex, as he is a virgin too.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2011): Men aren't women. We don't have the bias towards wanting experienced partners.
The only reason we are wary about adult female virgins is because we may not want the woman to heap too much importance on having sex with us when we barely know her. But that is totally different from thinking their virginity is unattractive. Lots of men find it VERY attractive.
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (22 December 2011):
A lot of people are still virgins at your age and its nothing to be ashamed of. If your relationship develops to the point of sex, and you feel you want to have it with that person, you should probably tell him you've never done it before so he knows how to progress. Then you two can talk about it and make sure its a comfortable experience for both of you.
Other than that, if it comes up in conversation, simply tell the truth. There is nothing to be ashamed of and if for some reason that's a problem, you know that he's probably not the right type of guy for you.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (22 December 2011):
 Oh for goodness sake. What on earth difference does your experience or lack thereof make? The only question that matters is whether your relationship develops to the point where *you* decide that he's the one. If you think that your being a virgin means that he doesn't want to be with you, then surely you don't want to be with him, right? It's not like virginity is some sort of STD.
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (22 December 2011):
 There's the ol' saying about "3rd date is when you have sex." So definitely don't mention anything sexual on the first or second dates. I personally would wait until you are kissing and making out with him and it could lead to more before telling him. It's not always the rule, though; just depends on the man and the situation. My man knew of my sexual history - or lack thereof - and when we first made love, he was VERY gentle, so it is a must to tell him your sexual history, especially if you're a virgin, as he should be patient and gentle with you.
You are most definitely NOT a freak, so get that thought out of your mind. It is very important to tell him you are a virgin for the example I gave above. I didn't have sex until I was 26, so don't worry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): When I first started dating my boyfriend (who was my first boyfriend), I always thought it was really important to know their past relationships and sexual past etc. However, as soon as I found out about his past relationships I absolutely hated it and wish I never asked. If I ever get into a new relationship, I would NOT want to know about their sexual past. There isn't any reason why you need to know (unless you've caught an STI or something..)However, considering you're a virgin it would be good to know if he is one too, so that's a reason to ask.Remember, being a virgin at ANY age is nothing to be ashamed of at all. And if he gets 'put off' in any way because you're a virgin then you should dump him immediately as he should like you for who you are. If anything, he should like and respect you MORE because of it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 December 2011):
 "Never" is one good answer....
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