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female
,
anonymous
writes: I met someone from online that I really clicked with. We got along really well, laughed alot etc. Each date seemed to get better. He has a career though where his schedule constantly changes and he is traveling. He will be away for 3 or 4 days, come back and have one or two days off and then back to work. The schedule itself changes in terms of days off, how many working days, which days etc. So it is a busy schedule. He introduced me to friends, some family so it seemed like good signs but some people are casual like that.He did casually mention at times about moving back in with his parents b/c although it's a good career it isn't paying him anything right now and he is barely making rent. Money to me doesn't matter if i like the person but I felt a red flag that he may end things over it. He even said if he gets stressed over stuff like that he tends to dwell on it especially money troubles.5 dates went by. I did stay over his place a few of the dates (no sex) b/c we don't live super close and it just makes things easier. We did come close and he wanted to but I didn't want to rush things.He had alot of testing for his job that went on for 2weeks and I felt like this was going to break the pace we were at. I felt like interest was being lost and we werent talking as much.Sure enough after spending the night again at his place everything fell apart. I did tell him I need to be exclusive before sleeping with someone. I honestly don't think he ended things b/c i wouldn't sleep him. I truly feel he isn't a jerk. But i think maybe he thought I was looking to be super serious and i dont mind taking things slow b/c i like him. I just didn't want to sleep with him if he was sleeping with other girls which i didnt think he wasI didn't hear from him for 2 days and finally texted him which he said he isn't mad at me at all and it's not about that. He said he is thinking if he is being fair to me because he won't even be around much..and told me his work schedule and that he will be going away for his few days off to work on so and so. He also said between no time and money he isn't in a position to start someting serious and it's the truth.I tried explaining how that stuff doesn't bother me and his schedule was always busy before etc etc etcthe next day i didn't contact him and he of course didn't contact me. A day later i decide to write him saying how i dont want to bother him but just feel bad b/c i wasn't trying to push anything serious so fast. I was enjoying just getting to know him and feel like i pushed you away.No response. I decide to text him again later in the evening asking if he agrees it was too soon to talk about any of that.He told he has to wake up at 5am so he can't talk but everything he told me is true and he isn't mad and I didn't scare him away. He told me he wouldnt be able to see me for another 2 weeks and doesnt think that's the way to begin something serious. He said we can talk more about it tomorrow etcI said sorry for disturbing him and explained how i wasn't even looking to see someone 24/7 or all the time. (which is true) He wrote back it's no problem at all and how he was just going over his bills in bed. Obviously his schedule is busy and i can tell he is having money problems but are these still excuses? Will he see me again or it's still over?I actually really truly liked him which is why I put myself out there to discuss this with him. I figured it was worth a shot and I really didn't feel like i had anything to lose at this point.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (4 August 2012):
 I think that is really good advice from A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2012)
You care and that shows. He is not emotionally ready to have that level of care in his life. Back away. Maybe he will change his mind one day. Maybe he will not.
It is hard when one knows one wants to reach out and feels it could work. But if he does not think so you have nothing, unless he can show a change of heart.
That may happen. Or it may never happen.
Life throws up all manner of challenges and relationships are affected by so many things.
Just don't sit there being sad. Choose to do some other good things that give you pleasure and try to look at life in a positive frame of mind as it will attract happiness to your life far more reliably than if you give in to being very sad about this. Even though it is very sad, for you.
Best Wishes
Abella.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2012): You ladies should learn to take a hint.This guy is NOT interested in you. Do yourself and him a favour and back off.When a guy likes a girl she knows it she dont have to harrass him for attention.You dangled a carrot , he is to nice to say 'I dont wanna bite lady' so he says 'Am busy'.It happens accept it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): I think your right he IS trying in a polite way to end things.He was probably hoping you would do it by telling you all the stuff he has going on,his reasons for not seeing you,he was hinting.He doesnt want serious, hes been very honest,you dont want sex till it IS serious,he wants his freedom to date others still,thats his lifestyle because of his work. Bad match/timing thats all.
Move on to somebody available who wants to date seriously before you do your head in over him
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