A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts, and thank you in advance for any advice you give.I was in a relationship which finished some four months back. We were together just over six months prior to the break up, and the break up was painful but amicable with no nastiness. We both tried to move on with some online dating after a while, and recently he's gotten back in touch and we are very very slowly seeing if there might be something to build again, from scratch and taking our time, as we were very quick in establishing things before.Anyway, my question is, a conversation we had after we met up again about the online dating. We talked about it a bit, and he talked of how angry it made him that so man you women obviously hadn't read his profile or put in any effort to approach with anything original etc. yet we both agreed we were online as a distraction from the pain of our break up more than anything else.I can't shake the feeling that he only got back in touch because he couldn't find anyone else, and this is a horrid thing to think because I don't rationally believe he would, since he initiated the split and was adamant initially it was for the best. Should I just let this go and concentrate in the here and now, and think he wouldn't be in contact if he didn't want something with me now, and that fact isn't bore out of nothing else being around? Or do you think it's possible that that is the reason he's back in contact - is it a way a man thinks?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (4 September 2017):
 What was the original reason for splitting up? Has anything changed on that front?
If something has changed since you have been apart and his original reason for ending the relationship is no longer an obstacle to you being together, then I wouldn't over-think it or try to second-guess anything. Just go with it and see how it goes (assuming you want to give it a second go, of course).
If not, then I would say it is pointless to go over old ground, only to end you at the same point again and go through the same pain again.
It appears HE makes all the decisions in this relationship. Take back control, decide what YOU want and what is best for YOU, then tell HIM.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2017): Thank you Wise Owl. It's the original OP here. We split because there was distance between us, and diffences in our affection when we were physically together. I don't think he Was dating anyone while we were together as he was verbally very expressive and honest, and I never felt insecure during our time together. Which is if I'm honest my problem when I am with someone, hence I was over the top wit my affection when together and made him feel bad as he was a bit more normal I guess! That's me being honest. I didn't really rate how he showed his feelings in the way he does as an individual- caring about my day and what's going on, being there for me and telling me of the qualities I have in his eyes and so on. So he felt very rejected, like he wasn't meeting my needs, but I've subsequently done a piece of work with a counselor around this part of me and where it stems from etc and therefore have more of an understanding of it (it's come up in previous relationships) so I feel I'm in a better position- irrespective of if this works out with him.I don't think he dated anyone while we were apart either. Mainly because told me that, and I've never had reason to doubt what he says. And I dated someone and told him this, so he was able to say if he's had. Although while we were apart I noticed in the early fdays he'd be online a lot on WhatsApp, but the was only for a short few weeks. He also took his online profile down about a month before he contacted me again.I feel like I need to relax a bit and see how things develop, but you are right in that I attach feelings quickly generally in relationships and I very much like this guy. We were apart for around five months, so almost as long as the relationship! So I am hoping this isn't to do with post break up comfort after all that time. He is moving very soon too, so the distance will be reduced to something which enables more physical time together so this aspect is changing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2017): Why did you leave-out the reason for breaking-up? A backstory is needed for your post to make sense. You're leaving too much to speculation.
I think he may have tried dating another woman he met online during the time he was dating you; and it didn't workout.
Since you both only dated for such a short period of time; it wouldn't hurt to "cautiously" see each other again.
Don't be quick to re-attach your feelings. Just see where things go. You may be his fallback choice, as you suspect.
Reconnecting to avoid post-breakup discomfort is usually a mistake. Feeling so much trauma after such a short romance doesn't really make sense for mature-people in our age-group. So we need more details to go by.
He made an observation that so many women didn't read his profile; which might confirm my suspicion he may have tried-out someone else he met online. That comment seems a little bitter; and lumping "you women" together doesn't sound very polite.
Personally, I'd pass. Reign in your feelings a little. Getting too worked-up and broken over a such a short-term connection just seems a bit odd.
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