A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, im a 13 year old girl and i have two half sisters ( 32 and 36) and im extremly close with them. I love them very much and dont see them very often, But this weekend they came to my dads birthday party with their boyfriends, which i love alot aswell, but in a friendly kind of way. But this time i began to feel strange loving feelings on a higher level for one of their boyfriends. I tried to tell myself to stop, as he is 37, but i cant stop thinking about him. This is really embaressing, and i want this feeling to go away because i cant love someone who is older than me, especially with this huge age gap. Every time he was near me i just wanted to touch him (not in a sexual way obviously) and when we said goodbye i got all tingly when he kissed me. (on the cheek) Im very upset and confused. I think maybe its because i want a more mature boy, as ive had a couple of stupid boyfriends in the past, and i think also that hes the kind of mature person i want. I know im young but its weird and i need help, its confusing me, i keep having dreams about him. What do you think i should do? Any advise to help me stop feeling this?Sorry its so long. Please reply. xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 June 2007):
 You have a crush on him. Very common especially during your teenage years. It will pass with time, don't worry about it.
A
female
reader, jaxwardle86 +, writes (6 June 2007):
 Okay firstly hello!!!! this is your sister's boyfriend we are talking about. If the feeling is just about older men then there is nothing wrong with an age gap but please don't vent this frustration towards your sisters boyfriend as you will split your entire family up. Age gap relationships can work I know plenty of them so if its just the age thing go out with a mate to a swanky bar not a club and go get em but for gods sake the next time you think about your sisters boyfriend in that way slap yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): Perhaps because you love and admire your sister, you are automatically attracted to someone whose qualities she admires and who she has selected for herself. This is a feeling that you will get quite a few times in your life, but perhaps this occasion is so potent particularly for that reason.
What you need to do is get good at selecting through potential partners so you can find your own, by evaluating the people you meet and deciding whether their qualities, interests and morals are compatible with yours.
I can see why this has happened, but it is a bit of a cheat and way too easy to bypass this selection process that you need to do for yourself - and instead land upon the answer that your sister has found for herself.
You admire her and you approve of her choice, but you need to not immerse yourself in that. Make a list of the qualities that this person has, which I am sure are not just physical and remember them as criteria that you will look for. Add your own ideas to this list.
If you try to take this feeling any further you could cause terrible damage and taint your own life as well as theirs forever. You are young and this feeling will pass, you will have it again for your own partner who is somewhere out there waiting to meet you.
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