A
male
age
30-35,
*obThePizzaBoy
writes:I'm turning 21 years old on Sunday and it's been dawning on me lately that I've never asked out a girl ever. And I'm feeling a little pathetic about it.In high school, I was seen as different from a lot of the other kids due to my unique interests. Most girls wouldn't give me the time of day or solely see me as a huge joke. I had cute little clearly unrequited-but-still-like-em-anyway crushes throughout middle school and high school but nothing particularly serious. For the most part, any girl I had more than one conversation with was a friend's sister or something. My junior year, I finally fell for a freshman girl in my journalism class who actually seemed like she really had interest in me as a person and as the school year went on and my feelings for her just grew and grew into senior year, however she kept steering herself away from me the more I tried to be nice to her. I wasn't intentionally trying to stalk her or anything, but I'm sure she interpreted it that way. Combine that with the amount of crap that happened to me junior year (bullying, etc.), I'm sure her kindness was just out of pity. Nowadays, I look back and wonder what I ever saw in her. She's completely in the past. Amazing, two years ago I was thinking about her every day and now I forget she exists.After that pain (I didn't even go to my school's senior prom because I thought no girl would want to be seen with me in public), I took a long hiatus from trying to find a girlfriend for my first two years of college. When I began lifeguarding this past summer, there was a cute girl who had just finished high school and was about to start university who, again, seemed genuinely interested in me as a person, and unlike the last girl, seemed to stay interested. I managed to talk her into hanging out one night with some other people from work, but our plans fell through. I attempted to ask her if she wanted to see a movie a few days but she turned me down because she was about to leave for school and had packing to do. So I finally just had to let it out that I liked her. She was very flattered but wasn't really interested in dating for obvious reasons. But beside that, we're staying friends regardless. I think she has a boyfriend at school already, so we're definitely just staying friends for a while. That's honestly the farthest I've gotten with a girl.I know it feels so weird, most of my friends have girlfriends and I'm the odd one out. I want to find someone but no one at my school really appeals to me (though that might) so I really don't know if I have any options right now. Is this something to feel really bad about?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (16 November 2012):
 You are going through EXACTLY what I went through when I was your age. For guys your age, it can be hard to find a girlfriend and I am willing to bet that most of your friends (or acquaintances) don't really have girlfriends. When you are single, it just seems that way.
It took me a while before I got the nerve to ask women out and here are my tips:
1) Take a look at our clothing. If it looks shabby or plain, jazz it up. I am not telling you to get a GQ magazine or something, but at least look presentable. Look like you care about yourself.
2) You overweight? Underweight? Hit the gym and do what you need to do. The gym and working out will give you self-esteem and confidence. Believe me, my ambition and self-esteem would be about half of what it is today if I didn't work out. Knowing that you take care of yourself will give you the inner strength to approach a woman.
3) Learn to dance. Seriously. Girls LOVE a guy who can dance. My secret: learn country western dancing. Even if you hate the music. I took some lessons and it took a long time, but I got good at it - real good. But you know what -- I could go to the local country bar and ask the prettiest girl to dance and 9.9 out of 10 times she'd say yes. I am not saying I got her phone number every time, but let's just say women were suddenly approachable and often times one thing led to another.
4) Become interesting: Travel. Do things. Live life. Treat every day like you are a tourist. Read books. Radiate positive energy -- women like that and you'll become a more rounded person.
5) Join a dating site. Not everyone has luck on these sites, but it seems to help out a lot of people. Go with a reputable site, even if you have to pay for it. Chat women up on it and keep it casual -- and meet them for coffee or something. If you like them, ask to see them again.
Finally having a girlfriend isn't the end all of life. You are at a point in your life where you can do ANYTHING. You can live anywhere, you can try things, the world is at your feet. Take advantage of it. Once you have a girlfriend / wife, your options suddenly become limited. Enjoy your freedom -- you'll never have it like it is now.
Trust me when I do say that the women will come and be patient with yourself. The dating world is full of rejection so don't take it personally (heck I've been rejected lots of time) but eventually you are going to find a woman who will make you happy and your friends will be envious of what YOU'VE found.
Happy birthday and good luck!
Eddie
A
male
reader, Zanfoj  +, writes (15 November 2012):
I couldn't really say, as I am only 13 and haven't asked a girl out either, however, unless you actually have found someone that you genuinely have an interest in and that you have a few things in common with, I'd say don't feel bad or ask someone out for your image, it wouldn't be worth it. But that's just my opinion. I would recommend focusing on something else entirely, if no one appeals to you.
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