A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I are very happily in love. We are in our early 20s. We have been together for a couple years and have been living together for 6 months. We decided that we want to take our commitment to the next level and get married next summer. This step is very important to us, and we want our friends and family to be happy as well.The problem is, we are young and broke. We get by financially, but we are both students working on our undergrad degrees, so we don't have a lot of expendable income. People have this opinion that we don't have any business getting married until we are done with college, but I'm going for a master's degree, so that will be years from now! We want a very simple ceremony at a free park, and we already saved up for and bought our rings, but people still think that we don't have the right to be married because we don't have much money. I want our loved ones to approve of and celebrate our union with us, but I don't know if that will happen. Are they wrong? Or am I wrong?
View related questions:
fiance, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (10 May 2012):
Marriage is just as much a financial decision as it is anything else. If you dont think so, I suggest you talk to a few divorce attorney's and see what they say most of the end squabbling is about.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 May 2012):
 I married while in college. I was 21. I was so in love. That was my first husband. What you want at 21 is NOT what you want at 29 or 30… NO ONE is wrong… it’s just that they want you to wait a bit longer and I can understand that. I also understand where you were because I remember being that young in love college student… who stopped school to work and help support us… took me 20 more years to get my degree…
Celtic Tiger makes some great points….
...............................
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (10 May 2012):
 I dont think this is about money, I think it is more about waiting until you are both finished with your education. They do not want you to rush into something and regret it later on in life.
Being married is all well and good, but once you finish your degree's you may have tough decisions to make.
You have already stated you want to to a Masters degree. Have you decided WHERE you want to do this?
What if you get married?.... What if your husband has to move far away in order to get a job in his chosen field. Do you go with him, giving up the possibility of the MA degree, or do you stay, and he goes to where he can earn the money?
Say it all goes well, and he gets a job nearby while you study.... who is going to pay for the MA, where will you live, will his salary cover your living expenses and allow you to go to Uni...
University is a very comfortable time in your life. You know where you are, what you are doing, and how life is going to be. When you graduate, life will change. YOU will change as people, from being a student to an adult with proper adult responsibilities.
You have no idea what you will want to do when you graduate. What job opportunities may arise, or exciting new directions. If you get married now, potentially you will be giving up all those options, as you will have someone else to consider in all these big decisions.
You are still very very young, there is no rush. Even if you do an MA, thats one or two years tops, so you will still only be mid 20's, which is still YOUNG to get married.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 May 2012):
 Nobody is wrong here really, I think they just are trying to look out for you, if they see you both have no money then they are going to wonder how you can afford your big day, but I see your point as well, it is important to you and your boyfriend to move to the next level. The only way to do this is to come up with a plan. Do some research as to what you both want to do for the day and how you want to do it, look in to roughly how much you would need for a small ceremony where both of you are happy and then try and set a side a small amount every month to cover the costs.
Once you have both sat down and worked out a realistic plan then sit down with your family and explain to them what is happening and what you both want. Reassure them that you are not going to leave yourself in debt over this that you can both manage to afford it and explain you just want a small occasion to celebrate your love for each other. Good luck and all the best with the big day.
...............................
|
