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age
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writes: hiii, im 20 years old in a committed 1 year relationship.whilst being a christian and going to church twice a sunday and leading as good a christian life as i can (i drink every so often, dont do drugs or smoke etc)i do however have sex with my boyfriend. i lost my virginity to him and he was my first 'real' sexually active relationship. (i had a couple fumbles with my ex bf when i was 16, nothing serious)i always told myself i would only have sex when i was in a committed relationship that i could see going somewhere, or i would wait til marriage. while i have done this, i cant help but still feel very guilty that ive had sex before marriage and continue to do so.and i know that in the bible that murder adultery and pre marital sex etc is one of the most frowned upon things which is whats making me feel sosososo guilty. im just wondering peoples views and opinions on this? thank you so much !
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Blowjobs are also sex. Just thought I'd shoot that in, if you actually do wish to stop having sex there will be no blowjobs either. Stopping sex can cost you your relationship, but your personal beliefs are held higher than the wishes of any other person. Or they should never be compromised. And you really can stop having sex, you just need to decide you will. Im not saying you should, Im just saying that just because it is difficult it is not humanly impossible for you.
It all comes down to how you feel about this yourself, if this feels right to you or not, and right by your beliefs and the beliefs of those who you value and look up to, such as your parents.
You are young, at your age I too gave up many of my own goals and beliefs for a man I thought I'd end up marrying. Well he changed his mind. At your age is is easy to want to give up the world for someone you love. But don't. Hold your self higher than that, hold what you truly want for yourself above what a boyfriend wants. My ex had put a ring on my finger, I had been looking at dresses, we were serious. But I was left a fool for sacrificing so much for him, for being willing to sacrifice even more. Never do that. This can include such things as sex, education, future dreams, goals, personal beliefs, money, family, friendships, a job etc. Don't give up on the things you want for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionseriously though, thank you everyone for replying it really does help alot
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thank you for all the replies, first of all i just wanted to state that i have a coil fitted and theres no chance of me getting pregnant im verrryyy careful about that. and secondly i feel guilty because even knowing its wrong and i against m,y beliefs i still carry on having sex. so even though i know its wrong and that god wouldnt want me to, i still do it?
i have thought about stopping having sex but in all fairness, i cant. ive even asked my bf what he would do if i wanted to stop having sex and he just said id have to give him untold blowys hahah.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Hi, if you have not committed mistake why do you feel guilty, surely many don't understand Bible.As far as I understand if we commit sin we feel definitely guilty and so you are, if not why marriage tie up in front of many witnesses its because marriage is as pure as God, God joins two people through his plan in front of many witnesses, I said marriage is pure because it combines two families, two societies or two unknown new families and lots of hearts fellowship, in-fact God feels happy about all that but now a days this so called LOVE made by movies for business purpose had destroyed the young generation's mind, it taught us that we can leave our parents who loved us for 20yrs & go for the one whom we met recently, that is God is not supported many love stories as was as love marriages, so I just suggest you to ask sorry to God and talk about this with your friend and parents too.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (21 December 2010):
If you feel this is going against your beliefs why don't you stop having sex instead of continuing to do what you believe to be a sin? At least stop until you have thought about this and made your decision. With sex always comes a risk of pregnancy, and are you ready to take that risk? Being religious, having sex outside of marriage is not be half as bad as having a child outside of marriage. And would you really want to have to marry your boyfriend because he made you pregnant, and have a rushed wedding before it shows (with the following reputation)? Or would you want to marry a man because you love each other and want to start a family together after marriage?
Just because you've had sex now doesn't mean you need to continue. You have the option of saying no.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): There are a lot of things in the bible people don't follow strictly anymore.
Do you sacrifice lambs when you're on your period to cleanse your soul? Do you wear mixed fabrics? Do you ceremonially wash everything you sit on or everyone you touch for your 7 day period of uncleanliness after your menstrual cycle?
The bible isn't fact, it's a spiritual guide book, people pick and choose what parts they follow and no one follows everything in it. So you're not a virgin anymore, it doesn't matter. Your soul is still pure right? You do good to people, you don't use people or intentionally hurt people. Then your soul is pure, your body is irrelevant because it's your soul that matters in spirituality because according to the bible you're already unclean and vile just because you're a woman. The fact that you're a woman makes you nothing more than the property of men in that book.
Have a read through Leviticus if you don't believe me.
There are also interesting passages in genesis and judges about sending your virgin daughter out to get gang raped and murdered, to protect the good name of one of your guests.
Most of all you can't change what you did, and you stood firm to your own personal beliefs. Nothing to feel guilty about.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 I'm no Christian, but I don't see what you did wrong.
If God is love, then he has forgiven you. The clergy might not, but they shouldn't really matter. This is not exactly the first time a girl has sex with her boy before she marries him, so the Lord must not take it too seriously anymore. His years of existence must have taught him better.
If you can't stand the guilt, then don't have sex anymore. My take would be, have the sex and not the guilt. And, use contraception. I can think of a Christian guy or two who would leave his girl on the account that she's been defiled, and therefore is not good for marriage. The fact that they defiled them does not seem to matter.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): Times have changed. Our bodies and our customs have changed. Back in older times waiting until marriage meant waiting a year or two after puberty and the onset of sexual feelings. But now puberty is getting earlier and marriage has gotten much later. Now waiting until marriage means spending a decade feeling healthy and horny without sex. It's nice in theory and something to admire and respect. But its an unrealistic demand for the majority of people.
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