A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do I get a more positive outlook on life?I am twenty years old and I am struggling with severe depression. I currently work in administration with no hopes of furthering my career as my job contract ends here soon, and before that I have always been in temporary jobs. I have no friends, because the ones I did have weren’t there for me they just used me and never invited me anywhere. I recently found out my dad isn’t my biological dad so I have been lied to for twenty years resulting in me falling out with my mum. I barely speak to my older sister and my twin sister lives elsewhere. The only saving grace is my boyfriend and my nephew. I feel like I have nothing else to live for.In the 20 years I have lived it’s been heartbreak and heartbreak and all I can think is when am I going to catch a break? This thing with my father is taking its toll, my twin is searching for this other man, even though I have no interest; but he lives just 20 minutes from me. I'm the product of an affair. I'm the cause of lies and hurt and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone. It’s a struggle to just get out of bed in the morning. Then when I finally not think about it, i'm suffering from my IBS or chronic back pain. It feels never ending. Im trying to be positive. I am going to the gym but that doesn’t help. Or I try to bake for a hobbie but I just feel numb, what do I do? These anti depressants don’t seem to help. I just feel tired, like there is no hope.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 April 2015):
 Maybe you won't have to learn and live with it.
I hope you'll find this interesting,it's worth looking into it, IMO:
Google " Depression and Chronic Back Pain " ( or viceversa ) and you'll see there are TONS of medical articles, and tons of medical research, I could not possibly quote them all, exploring the link between back pain and severe depression; and not in the sense that one would imagine.
I mean, yes, of course someone who has chronic back pain , therefore does not sleep well, never feels rested enough, moves around less, etc., can quite possibly develop depression- who would not, if they were aching all the time ! But, that would be a REACTIVE depression, the consequence of a physical state ante-dating the onset of depression.
It turns out, to make a long story short, that ,much more often than not, it 's the other way around: chronic , untreatable back pain appears in patients with a pre-existing history of depression, for some reason ( well, for many different , medical reasons, but it's a long story , if you are interested go check).
The research is not solid, final, undeniably cause-effect; but many factors and studies would seem to point in that direction.
That would also mean that , once you find the right medication or combo of medications , or anyway the right THERAPY for you, and your depression is healed or at least made more manageable, your back pain symptoms will subsede too.
I am no physician or medical researcher , and I can't PROMISE you that it's true- but I just had a flashback: several years ago I suffered from severe depression, and I remember that then my back was KILLING me all the time. Since then , I haven't been depressed anymore ,- and I also never suffered from back aches anymore. Not even now, that I am several pounds heavier and several years older. With age , I am starting developing other little complaints, a little bit of this a little bit of that- but, no back pain. Curious , eh ? Maybe these researchers are actually onto something !, and anyway, it's an interesting reading and hopefully may motivate you to put more hope and energy in your fight against depression.
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (28 April 2015):
 A quick note about your back pain... Since your doctors have looked at your skeleton integrity and probably eliminated things like scoliosis and such, look into a pinched nerve syndrome which doctors often do not diagnose. I am just surmising and making a leap into this conclusion because, absent bone trouble, pinched nerve looks like a logical thing to look into because some doctors don't bother with that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will go to the doctor to see if I can change prescription, as I have been on them for about 3 months I would say.As for everything else the doctors are useless. Its been 5 years and they dont know the problem with my back despite having scans, blood tests and physiotherpy, I just have to learn to live with it.Again the IBS I have been given various medication but they rarely help and its something I have come to accept. I dont eat things that make it worse, but with stress it isnt helpful.Things just get worse for me, my twin just contacted our biological dad and now his wife knows and she has kicked him out. I cant stop thinking about this poor woman. I couldnt sleep last night and again couldnt get out of bed, when we life get easier? I am constnatly getting knocked down.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 April 2015):
 How long have you been on anti-depressants? Because they DO take 4-6 weeks to kick in. If you have been on them longer than 6 weeks, you might want to revisit your doctor and switch type.
And maybe MEDS alone is not enough. You might need to talk to a counselor/therapist too.
As for the IBS, it can be stress related, it can also be that you have food allergies that you don't know about. IBS in itself can be rather debilitating.
http://drhyman.com/blog/2010/09/16/5-simple-steps-to-cure-ibs-without-drugs/#close
And you mention back pain too. Well, you REALLY need to address that as well with your doctor. Is the back pain because you spend too much time in bed or on the couch, or is it a slipped disc, pinched nerve...
Personally I'd start with the depression and the IBS. IT can be the reason for the other two things. The link I gave you has a "step by step" way to try and test for food allergies - read it, print it out and show your doctor (he/she may or may not agree, but it IS a starting point at least for a discussion of how to get started).
I was diagnosed with IBS after I had my gallbladder out, and given all kind of meds that DID not really help, I tried the elimination diet and after YEARS of suffering (not wanting to leave the house) I found the culprits. I take the probiotics, the vitamins and fish-oil and I stay away from sugars (as much as I can) I upped the water and fiber intake which have helped too. I haven't had a problem with my "gut" since.
So, START by talking to your doctor.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 April 2015):
 I have seen and supported family with depression. I have seen how hard it is to see anything positive amongst all the sights, smells, sounds, loved ones, and everything positive surrounding them.
Because depression is a horrible illness. A person can be in a pretty bedroom, clean sheets on the bed, the sun streaming into the room, a bowl of fresh flowers on a table and sitting up in bed with breakfast in bed. But a depressed person has trouble seeing the positives.
It is not their fault that they cannot see the positives.
Because the illness is very debilitating.
Those who love and care about their family member give a lot.
But they had better not expect too much recognition nor acknowledgement, because the depressed person can be so ill that they ''see'' only the negatives.
Depression is entirely treatable.
And all credit to you that you are willing to accept treatment.
That is a very positive step in the right direction.
Ask the Doctor to review your medication.
All I am suggesting is that each day, in every situation you find yourself in, no matter where you are, look at all before you, like and artists holds a frame up while scanning a scene for a small part of the scene that could make a good picture.
Then focus on that positive aspect that you have identified, be it a ladybird, a butterfly, a waterfall or sunlight glinting on a bead of water.
I enjoy growing flowers just so that I can race out at first light to photograph newly emerging flowers in early morning light and then can later use the pictures to help me pain better flower water colours. One little seed can give me countless hours of joy.
I do know that I am lucky that I've trained my mind from an early age to focus on the positive. If I had not started doing that as a child i think that I too could have suffered. Looking back I realized it was just luck that I chose the method I use.
Yet we CAN always learn new skills. I do hope you can at least try my suggestion to help you reach a more positive focus.
it may not always work, but when it does you will feel awesome.
my good wishes to you with this very big personal struggle.
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male
reader, Garbo +, writes (27 April 2015):
Judging from your description of things, your severe depression is not appropriately addressed by your doctor. If the meds you were given do not work, then make sure you go back to the doctor and tell him that and demand that he tries something different. I know from past situations that psychiatrists have hard time properly diagnosing patients let alone guessing which medication works on you. You may have to try several different ones until an appropriate treatment is found. Depressions are caused by many different types of chemical imbalances and the only way a psychiatrist can address that is by trial and error across the spectrum of various drugs. Most of your gloom and doom is derived from this improperly delivered medication so please! See your doctor and demand that he tries some other stuff.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (27 April 2015):
First and foremost I suggest that you make an appointment with your doctor to advise your doctor that the medication is not working. Some tweaking of the medication is often needed after a while. And is likely to result in some small improvements to how you feel.
Secondly I will describe the following as ''Tunnel vision positive thinking''
When depressed it is more likely that you will ''see negative things and then you will hone in on that negative thing.
If you can try to hone in on something positive, dwell on it, savour it, give praise to it. Yes, it is not easy to do when you are depressed.
Consider if a depressed person walking into a huge pile of ugly smelly trash piled milw high and blocking the road? Then you scan the horizon and find just one thing that is positive. One tiny emerging flower pushing up through the earth with petals about to unfurl.
Like a zoom camera you focus on that one positive thing.
So you walk into a function that you have to attend and you are surrounded by people you do not feel comfortable with?
So you hone in on a person wearing the most attractive dress in the room and you focus on what it is that you like about the dress and you make a beeline for that person and introduce yourself and give a genuine compliment to her about her beautiful dress.
So the weather is horrible and you don't want to get out of bed? So you hone in on something that you can look forward to like your first cup of coffee and how nice ot will smell and taste.
When you hone in on the positive you allow your focus to be exclusively on the positive. You dwell on it. You allow it to swamp you.
Don't think you have the skills to try this technique?
You already DO have these skills.
You already DO know how to hone in on something and dwell on it to the exclusion of everything else.
When you do that you start to see more things just like the thing you honed in on.
You become swamped in a sea of things like the first thing.
Because tunnel vision negative thinking, though Very difficult to deal with - it becomes like quick sand and pulls you down and into a very negative place.
Tunnel vision positive thinking uses all the same skills as tunnel vision negative thinking.
But Tunnel vision positive thinking is a skill you can learn and it helps you to emerge from the abyss of depression.
It is giving thanks for a raindrop on a petal, loving that rainbow, seeing that waterfall, listening to those waves, touching a petal, feeling velvet on your skin. Smelling the roses.
It is a skill that can be learned.
It can work for you.
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