A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’m in a sticky situation. I’m in love with a married woman and she’s my first love. It’s really hard. See they were getting divorced but still sleeping in the same house(different rooms and beds}. She had the papers and everything suit case packed there, waiting; daughter packed as well waiting for an approval on an apartment. She and I were together for a while about 9 months. she was leaving for me. I was a better dad to her kid too she told me. I sang to her made her laugh put her to bed provided what I could. She wanted a better life for them a happier life. we were head over heels for each other. I wanted her to tell her husband about us but she wouldn’t. Around are 9 month I asked her to choose me only me for her to be my wife she got excited and said yes!!!! But soon after 72 hours she broke us off broke her new lease on her apartment and she burned the divorce papers. Told me she was sorry she loves me I’m everything she dreamed a story book fantasy. I asked her to not to do this I loved her. but she wanted to be friends asking me not to hate her not to tell our friends. but I don’t want friendship but not to lose her. we tried being friends but I couldn’t do it she went back to her husband hurting me. we had a huge fight resulting in deleting my Fb number over everything. she said she will never stop loving me it’s just different I’m sorry. it’s been almost 3 weeks since then not a word I couldn’t stand hearing her voice or things that reminded me of her. my friends ask why I never come out with them one reason her. she started bringing her husband out with them. I’m not mad because she chose him. I’m mad because she’s acting like nothing happened. my friends want me to see them. but how when she’s there with him. I don’t hate her husband neither he’s a nice guy. how can I fix this get over her? I’m not happy I’m bitter confused and I miss her I still love her so much I can’t stand her voice scent or face because it brings it all back. If I can get advice on this it would help.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 April 2013):
 Forget about her marital status, you CAN'T be friends with someone you are in love with. As simple as that. It's a " fake ", contrived friendship, - the person who is in love would want much more than friendship, can't have it and just settles for still being around, still seeing /hearing the object of his love, hoping that who knows, some day... this is a pointless, self defeating process, a torture that will only hurt you more and will make letting go ten times harder and later.
People can " stay friends " only when lots of water has passed under the bridge, the feelings aren't so raw anymore, the yearning has subsided, and both parties have come to accept that hey it did not work, that's life, better moving on.
By which point, in general, both parties have completely lost interest in " staying friends " because what kept them together was actually never friendship, but passion - but that's another story.
I think therefore that for the time being you are right to keep a low profile, and to avoid as much as possibile socializing with her and her husband, and even if needs be change your usual social venues or circle of friends, at least for the first few months. Of course, if you happen to bumo into them, you can't go berserk and make a scene, - You'll just have to grin and bear. Accept that yes it hurts, it's unavoidable that it hurts, it's part of the healing process, - to which you have to contribute by separating yourself from the past, both emotionally ( stop rehashing memories , get busy ) and physically ( change habits, change outings ).
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (27 April 2013):
 Right now you are moping over her, feeling like she is your love and you want her back. Well, she never did anything nice for you. She lied to you, she tricked you, she cheated on her husband, she made fun of you and she dumped you. She doesn't miss you, she's enjoying having sex with her husband while you're sitting around crying over her. She promised another man she would be with him for the rest of her life and she cheated on him. She has a child, and when cheating on her husband she cheated on her child too. This woman is scum. Why aren't you angry with her instead? If I were you, I would get angry with her and stay angry for as long as it took me to convince myself that everything she did was wrong. And then I would let go, because too much anger will eat you up. Don't contact her ever again. Stop crying about her and do something about your own life and person to make sure that nothing like this happens ever again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know because i've seen the house. i just dont want to lose her but i already have. love overwhelms me i love her very much, but i try to move on i think about her everyday is she is happy. does she love me, miss me? but im scared of losing her my friends walked in on them having sex just recently. me in the car geting the texts. they thought it was funny. i drove off last time near her. i know they are married but still i'm hurt. she seems bitter towards me my friends tell me but could that mean something.hate me if you need she says, after please dont hate me. i dont know what to think.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni look for posts,but i dont want her back. i want to know how i can be friends or deal with her while with friends any tips there?
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