A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a fifteen year old girl, and I am currently interersted in a 19 year old man. We have known eachother for about a year now and have become extremely close in this period of time. Is it wrong for a younger girl and an older guy to date?
View related questions:
period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 March 2013):
 Just a note that the OP is now 19 herself.
I wonder what happened.....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): a response said " if something happens i will learn from mistake and move on... we are young we are ment to be careless and all that LOL"
What!?! So if this 15 year old CHILD is taken advantage of, used for UNDERAGE sex by someone who could easily a sexual preditor, she is going to say "darn I fell for that one oh well im much wiser now so all's right with the world" or "oh crumbs im pregnant at 15 and my 19 year old boyfriend has so unexpectedly disappeared still never mind im young and care free!" Get real!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): this is not alright at all. He is a grown man, an adult (legally at least) and you are a 15 year old child. You may feel grown up, mature and so on but the fact remains that even the most level headed, mature, worldly wise 15 year old still has a lot to learn about life, relationships and love. What to him may be love, to you is probably a "crush". To the two of you it may feel right but to other adults, particularly those of use who are older, it is not right at all.
I have to question this guys maturity! He is a 19 year old man who wants a relationship with a 15 year old school girl!
Lets give the guy the benefit of the doubt and assume he is just immature - most 19 year olds would see a 15 year old as a kid and want to avoid relationships and friendship with someone that age because they don't want their "maturity" to be called into question by their peers.
The other alternative which we must realistically consider is that he is playing on your naivity here and likes "young girls" (in which case he is a possibly grooming you for under age sex).
Obviously the relationship would have to remain non sexual until you were at least 16 (or whatever the age of consent where you live) as sex with a 15 year old, should it occur, is not only illegal but could cause this guy to be seen as a paedophile and punished accordingly. Of course it may be above board and he may not want to sleep with you until A: you are ready and B: it is legal but even so it still "wrong"!!
I disagree with Jessica 04 who said "is there anything wrong with it per say? No, if you two hit it off and have a good relationship that you can be open in, then more power to you. The problem comes when other people, law makers especially, deem that age gap to be inappropriate." It is wrong on so many levels as the fact remains that the OP is a CHILD too young to be fully informed, fully understanding and mature to fully understand the implications of a relationship between a grown man and a child. The problems doesn't come from the law makers but from those breaking the law.
ANother response says "Fourth, there is nothing wrong with dating a guy 4 years older than you at your age. Mental maturity levels differs from person to person. There is no general rule that all 19 year olds are one way and all 15 year olds are another. This is solely dependent on the individual." I agree that theres nothing wrong with a four year age gap between ADULTS but regardless of the age gap the op is a CHILD. Yes I accept that there are mature 19 year olds and adolescent 30 year olds as people mature at different rates but again, we are talking a child here.
Would it be okay for me, a 35 year old male, to hold ands and cuddle a 12 year old and say "its love and its non sexual and she has matured really quick for her age"? Hardly!
Im shocked that so many responses have encouraged this relationship. Those of us responding who are experienced, adults should be protecting the OP from potential abuse of trust and from having her naivity taken advantage of.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 March 2013):
 The only people you should be asking are Mom and Dad. I suggest you do just that.
...............................
A
female
reader, ordinarygurl92  +, writes (26 March 2013):
Are you crazyy?
its illegal an a 19 year old anyway you put it is just going to want sex. A guy is only going to wait so long and if he cant get it from his gf he will 100% cheat. and hunni thats not love at all. thats not respecting you at all. 15 yr olds shouldnt even consider talking to guys 2 years or more older than them. since I was 15 i've liked a few more guys and im now 20. dating then to be honest wasnt even on my radar, my best friends were! if you were 16 an he was 18 thats a little different youre both legal. to an extent. who's to say if you finally give in to sex with him no matter how long hes waited for you for him to leave you straight after because he finally got what he wanted. Girls at 15 are so naieve go ahead an be with a guy but pick someone youre own age youre bound to be going through the same things an have more in common than a 19 year old male who's been with several girls an typically only sees you as a challange to see how long he can go without. boys are soo predictable. and that 19 year old definitely has problems if he can't find/keep a decent girl of his age!! thats just plain weird.
its very wrong ages are not just a number we are that age for a reason an their rules for reasons also. you can find love young just probably not in someone with a 4 year maturity level difference.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): ok to the lady saying there must be somat rong with the lad to want to go out with so one so yong i think yr rong
well a bout 4 weeks a go (obtw im 19 and male) i was talking to a femail mail m8 about how i hated being single so ask if she new anyone who was my type (i told her my what my type was) ahe said no not unless i wanted to go out with a 15 year old i said sorry i only c u as a m8 and 4 years is a bit much but i was lieing cos i do like her i cant help it but i do and i was worried and still am wt people would think but no i regert it as i have fealing for her i cant help it i just do and im prod to atmit that i just hope that i havent missed my chanes
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): I'm in the same boat. My friend and I are both virgins and believe sex b4 marriage is wrong. So that is out of my way. I think that as long as both of yer parents are active in your relationship, and you understand each others interests, it's fine. I'm turning 15, hes turning 19 this year. He said I'm his best friend. If you keep it in a partner relationship, you'll be fine. Who knows, you may get married because of the relationship you build now!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): Ok, i think it is finee for you to see this boy because I have just got to know this guy and he is 19 and im 15. I met him last week and today we went out and he has never gone out with someone as young as me before because he has a sister my age but he really likes me and i like him we kissed. AGE IS NOTHING BUT A NUMBER BABE as long as your both cool with it and your not having sex its all cool :)
I was very scared about it but i am happy at the moment and if something happens i will learn from mistake and move on... we are young we are ment to be careless and all that LOL
...............................
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (9 March 2009):
 It's fine to date him, but and I STRESS this, he will want to have sex and he has to understand that that is ILLEGAL until you are old enough and if he does have sex with you he can get arrested for rape of a minor.
But if you are just going to hang out, hold hands and kiss that will be fine!
I know a 4 year difference is nothing in adult terms but if a guy in you class was dating an 11 year old would that be ok? Really? Just think about it like that.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): You assume too much. If your logic was true, then ALL PEOPLE WHO DATE must have sex. Get your brain out of the gutter and stop being so biased.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cowboy254 +, writes (9 March 2009):
ok I'm close to your age and I'll say this if he loves you and you love him then do it but you need your parents permission to date and to have sexual intercourse but as for me 17 and I only date 2yrs younger than myself but if it feels right then do it
...............................
A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (9 March 2009):
 Look, is there anything wrong with it per say? No, if you two hit it off and have a good relationship that you can be open in, then more power to you.
The problem comes when other people, law makers especially, deem that age gap to be inappropriate.
Until you are 18, I would really consider putting this guy off to the side and dating boys your own age. Worst case scenario, someone decides he is to old and reports him as a predator. If you do care about him, then for his own good, stay away until you are older.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): Stick with boys your own age he sounds like a perv !
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): Don't listen to Martini! I agree with the first post that he is to old. Yea every state and Country have thier own laws but a 19 year old is out of High School and should date people not in Highschool. And to Martini IF PEOPLE ARE DATING THEY ARE GONNA HAVE SEX! How do you know they are not it says nothing about sex! You need to read more carefully.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): Female Anon below has posted inaccurate information. First of all, the minimum age of consent varies from state to state. This range can go as low as 14/18 to 16+ and 18. Second, the original poster is from Canada. The minimum age of consent in Canada is 16. Third, they are dating and not engaging in sex. Again, read more carefully. Fourth, there is nothing wrong with dating a guy 4 years older than you at your age. Mental maturity levels differs from person to person. There is no general rule that all 19 year olds are one way and all 15 year olds are another. This is solely dependent on the individual.Lastly, just because you (Female Anon below) had a bad experience with someone older, it does not mean OP will also meet someone older with an abusive nature. If your logic held true, then ALL older males will abuse their younger female partners.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): At the age you are currently at yes. I know it's only a four year diffrence but believe me teenage years are a little diffrent than adults over 18 dating that are 4 years apart. Personaly I think if a 19 year old wants to date a 15 year old he has something wrong with him because he can't find a girl his own age. The older girls have more experiance and can see he is a Jerk. Please at lest till your 18 and Legal( this is law in USA) date guys your own age. I went through the same thing dating a guy who was 5 years older than me when I was 17 and he was abusive and already had a girl his age leave him for the same thing. Please be careful! You have plenty of time to date. Enjoy your teenage years with teens your own age. God Bless and be Safe.
...............................
|
