A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I ran into each other at a friend's house after not seeing each other for a year and 3 months. It was not planned at all, it just happened. We reconnected immediately and now we are talking again. We spent almost every night together last week. The problem is that now I live in a different state. I originally moved to NYC to be with him and after we broke up I stayed and he moved back to another state. We were together for 11 years, he cheated and I left him. I broke up our engagement. Still until this day, he denies it. He tried to get back to me and begged me for two years but I rejected him because I couldn't trust him.I think I made a mistake and I don't know how to fix it. I told him that I was willing to make things work, marry him and move back to where he lives now. I don't know what was wrong with me; I was too emotional and I guess I still have feelings for him. I feel like I was weak and I let my emotions rule me which I have tried not to show that side of me to him because I don't want him to take advantage of me and use me. He said he wanted to date for a bit and sort of reconnect again. He even said" Let's make plans to see each other again soon. He is willing to give us a try again but now I don't know how to act. I flew out tonight and he didn't even text me to check on me today. I feel so venerable because I practically propose to him. Now I am thinking too much into it. If he is really interested he will text me and wish me a nice flight back home but he didn't. Wouldn't you think that he will at least would do that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2015): I think you're placing too much emphasis and importance on his not texting; and not enough thought into your own choices and actions.
If you slept with the guy, he's going to tell you what you want to hear. You've obviously never got-over the guy. He said:"Let's make plans to see each other again soon."
You went totally overboard, and applied all sorts of meaning to that. His comment seems pretty casual to me.
I say that to friends every-time we part.
You're already acting needy and behaving like you're already in a relationship.
Did you have a few drinks before you had this awkward and emotional conversation with your ex?
Your emotions seem very erratic. Totally scattered. If you suspect he's still lying about cheating, please explain why you're reconciling with someone you don't trust?
What used to be, ended years ago. You cannot pickup where you left off. It's a broken engagement!!! You're starting from scratch. Your post is all over the place about your feelings, and I don't think this guy is healthy for you.
No he didn't have to text to see if you got home safely.
You could have just as easily texted, or called him, to confirm you've touched home-base. You're already starting off on the wrong foot. Was he supposed to read your mind and figure-out what you wanted?
Tell him that meeting him had a profound effect on you emotionally. Perhaps you were a little caught-up in the moment, and talking out of your head. Not to take your emotional rantings too seriously. You've had a chance to put things in better perspective since. It would be nice to stay in touch.
Don't have sex or drink too much when you're together. It will completely cloud your judgement.
My advice? Let it fizzle-out. Then move on.
A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (6 January 2015):
Maybe you should wait it out a little. Since he seems to want to take it slow, i know you are freaking out about putting yourself out there. Give him benefit of the doubt, maybe something needed his attention.
Though from the look of it, i'm not sure he really has any serious commitment in his mind. Or you might just have taken him by surpise. So take it slow.
You having reached out only proves you are emotionally strong. Now let him take the next step.
Be patient and see how it goes. Try not getting too carried away in your relationship before he shows signs of being on the same page as you. It would save yourself all the anguish.
All the best :)
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