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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: She broke up with me and we've been no contact since she greeted me for MY birthday, two weeks after the break up. We've been friends for almost 6 years (on and off) before the romantic relationship.She contacted me only once after the BU, when she was drunk but that's it.I still care about her and I want her back really bad but it's pointless. Should I say something or just forget it risking looking immature for the sake of moving on? (after all, she blew me off not the other way around).
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female
reader, Ladyhopeful  +, writes (30 September 2013):
I don't see why you can't wish her a happy birthday. You are hardly going down on a bended knee begging for her back...you are only wishing her a happy birthday.
I don't agree that ex's can't be friends, or should have no contact forever just because it didn't work out romantically.
ITs always nice to know someone remembers you on your birthday so go ahead if its what you think is right!!
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 September 2013):
 Ah, well, complete strangers wish me a happy birthday sometimes so why not someone you know? I mean have you every gone to a resturaunt where a group of goofy waiters and waitresses gather at your table and scream out a very bad off key Happy Birthday to you? Gag me with a fork. No tip for you.... go ahead wish whomever you want a HB just don't sing it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (30 September 2013):
 First a quick analysis. Friends for six years, probably started in high school. Finally you talk her into transitioning into a romantic relationship, probably at a vulnerable time in her life. She is unable to move her perception of you from the nice guy friend to the exciting boyfriend. She gets bored or once again moves on to the next guy. You are still carrying a 6 year torch.
Advice: the purpose no contact is to help you to move on and get over those feelings. You have not moved on. You had a lot more to move on from than she did.. Because you have not moved on it is not appropriate for you to contact her. When you have moved on, then you can give her birthday wishes.
Let me do you a favor. You need to be told where you stand so you can move on. You tried to move from the friend zone to the love zone. That is a very hard thing to do. You will only ever git one shot at that. You had your shot and you lost. Now you are an ex, not a friend, not a lover. You risked the friendship for the chance to try to move up. You lost. That is o k because you didn't want the friendship.
Wrap up. Grieve your loss finish your feelings. Take up to 1 year. Then get out there and try again. This time from a position of strength. It is a lot easier when you don't start as a friend.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): Why would you look immature? OP you owe an ex nothing, not even on their birthdays. Just because you used to be something and you want to be something again doesn't mean you are actually something, you're nothing anymore so there's no point in wishing her happy birthday.
In fact the immature thing would be to wish her a happy birthday and not move on and leave her alone.
Seriously put yourself in her shoes. You're no contact, you're over and yet she won't move on and insists on contacting you on your birthday with the sole intention of trying to keep herself in your thoughts. How does that look?
You said it yourself it's pointless so why would you keep trying? If it was a simple matter of saying happy birthday you wouldn't be here asking us for advice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): I would leave it...As you said, SHE broke up with you and has gone no contact with the exception of your birthday which was close to the break up.Now much more time has passed, still no contact, so respect that and leave well enough alone.You can think of her on the day, wish her well in your mind, but if you feel it's pointless that you can't get her back, then leave it no contact.Sorry...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): I was I. A similar situation a couple years ago... Except I broke up with the guy, and kind of felt bad because I treated him distantly... Wanted him to know I liked him as a person and that I wasn't a bitch! She sounds like she's treating you like a sucker tbh... It's not fair or decent to be drunk contacting you like that after breaking up with you... She doesn't seem to have any qualms about messing with your feelings. For that reason I would say leave her to it and concentrate ALL your efforts on moving on... I will warn you, I'm fully betting down the road she's going to be craving your ATTENTION when you're settled and moved on- getting all insecure because she expected you to chase and chase her. It doesn't mean she wants you back... It's her flaw.In some cases I think it's amicable to wish your ex HB... But not in this one, you'll be opening up a can of worms.Good luck xx :)
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