A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,Could really use a little input here.I met a woman online on an international dating site. I'm American, she's from Europe. We emailed, talked and Skyped for about 10 months and then got into a fight. Without going into the details, from my perspective, it was because it was becoming clear that we were not working out romantically. She took then took offense to something I wrote, when I thought she misunderstood. (Her English is not great.) I got upset that she was upset, and she refused to talk to me, over email, over Skype. But I felt that she didn't understand, and I wanted to apologize and explain...I didn't sleep that night, and called her over Skype, until finally she answered. I apologized, talked slowly and clearly, but it didn't matter. She hung up on me. And then blocked me on Skype. I had her phone number of course, but I never called her again.After a few weeks, we began emailing again, and slowly began communicating again. She said she had begun dating someone else, and wanted to be friends. I said that was ok. I wanted to be friends. The only thing was...she refused to unblock me from Skype. When I asked why, she just said, "Why do you care? We didn't talk on Skype that much anyway." I said it was the principle of the thing: she must still be upset with me if she blocked me on Skype. She said no, everything is fine and she wanted to be friends. She even sent me a link to a movie she liked that she wanted me to see.I said it still bothered me that she blocked me on Skype. It made me feel like she thought I was a stalker. I told her I could always call her, but I didn't. I even offered: maybe, ok, if she wants to block me on Skype for now, and then reconsider in a few months after we email, then that would be ok. Maybe she needed to trust me again. But she remained steadfast in her refusal to unblock me.It also bothers me that she refused to talk to me when I was in such distress that night and brings back those memories. Her continuing to keep me blocked reminds me of that night.I am guessing maybe it is symbolic, like putting up boundaries between us. But such boundaries seem to me unnecessary given that I would not contact her over Skype if she doesn't want, just like I would not call if she does not want.Would you remain friends with someone who keeps you blocked on Skype?Am I being over-sensitive? Thank you. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 February 2017):
 Yip you are being over sensitive. You met her online, looked maybe to date her, or to have some involvement, it did not work out and she blocked you.
Now she is dating someone else, so no doubt she has you blocked as she does not want you calling her when she is in a relationship. She is comfortable with emailing but that is all. She really is not a friend. You thought off her as more but she is no longer available so I think the best thing that you can do is just stop all contact and wish her well.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): "Remain" friends? You seem confused. There's no friendship here. Have some self-respect and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2017): I'm with olderthandirt.
Too many opps nowadays to sleaze around, fool yourself and avoid real, genuine relationships, which should be conducted face to face. Anything less is a complete time waster. Because it ain't real and it will end up disappointing you greatly.
This woman is wasting your time. You are wasting hers.
Move on already.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 February 2017):
 I am not a fan of computer dating or computer affairs. So I've probably answered this question before. Why can't folks just meet face-to-face anymore?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 February 2017):
 I agree with Honeypie.
When an ex tells you they want to remain friends what they usually mean is remaining on friendly terms when you cross paths, but otherwise they are no expectations. In other words, you're not dating so don't ask anything of her regardless of how reasonable and harmless you think it is.
Keeping you blocked is for her protecting a boundary, nothing more. It's the meaning YOU have given it that causes you distress and that you can change.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (4 February 2017):
You sound desperate and needy. I have no doubt that you are the one initiating all of the contact and she is replying to be polite. If you stop contacting her she will not contact you and perhaps you will understand what your "friendship" really is.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 February 2017):
 Why try and be friends? You didn't work out as a couple and she REALLY fast replaced you with someone else, so why bother? I know you like her as a person and all, but... You two weren't friends you were courting/dating. Friends don't have that romantic entanglement, because it doesn't work in friendships.
She isn't TREATING you like a friend. She is treating you like an ex. And for whatever reason, SHE gets to set all the rules... why?
And you two STILL fighting over stuff like block/unblock? Really? If you rarely used Skype why do you NEED it unblocked? So you can see whom she has on her list? And if you have no intetions of contacting her on Skype without her "permission" again WHY demand she unblock? It seems like a teenage drama to me.
It's the PRINCIPAL for her to block you and the PRICIPLE for you to NOT have you unblocked - so you are at an impass with a person you don't have a future with and whom really isn't a friend.
Personally? I'd wish her well and move on. Too much drama for no reason. I'd just not have time for that.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 February 2017):
 Are you sure you're happy with friends? I don't think you are considering you were romantically involved at one point.
If you're talking on another platform why does it matter if you're blocked on another? You're not going to speak on both are you?
I think I remember you've wrote about this problem before.
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