A
female
age
41-50,
*tine733
writes:Im having skype sex with my first cousin. Im 34, he's 32. I just got out of a 10 year relationship 6 mths ago, and been feeling very sexually frustrated.He's separated from his wife for 3 years now. He lives in Canada, and im from Cali. We skype every morning and every night before bed for 2 hrs. We tell each other we love each other every day on text. He said he's in love with me, I feel the same. We have skype sex every 3 days...is this okay?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 February 2017):
 It seems it is legal where you are, but however the fact that you need to ask is it okay tells me you are feeling that it is wrong? I am not hear to judge you but I am worried that you will regret doing this in case your family all turn against you. Even though it is legal it does not mean your family will understand or accept it. Therefore you need to ask yourself what is more important to you? It sounds like you may be on the rebound and your cousin was the first to show you attention.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): It's legal to marry your first cousin in Cali and Canada...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin_marriage_law_in_the_United_States_by_state
https://www.cousincouples.com/?page=facts
It's really up to you whether it's okay. Would you be okay telling your family if you decide to marry?
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (5 February 2017):
This is much like the popular activity known as webcaming, where guys go on-line with girls and they do whatever. I've never done it but it serves a purpose for lonely guys. However, the guys on webcams pay money to the girls. This flies in the face of popular ideology and I think people are better off in normal relationships, but traditional "normal" relationships seem to be the exception these days. And it isn't my business to interfere with consenting adults who are doing things in private that don't hurt others.As for doing this with your cousin, this is not the perfect relationship but at least you are doing it digitally and not getting pregnant. You'd be better off in a more conventional relationship (communicating in person and not with a relative). I'd like to see you have a mutual understanding that should this come along for one of you, you both agree that he or she should be able to take that option without hard feelings. It is easy for people to throw stones at you for this. However, you are not hurting others, both of you are enjoying it and it sure beats long-term loneliness. Spending time here on Dear Cupid makes me think that finding great relationships is becoming more and more difficult. So I'm going to have to go along with you on this one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): It is OK. You're both adults and you know what you're getting into. Just be aware of the pitfalls since when it comes out in the open you might get disapproval from many sides.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 February 2017):
 "Is this OK?" What do you want to know? Is this normal? -NO. it's dumb! Is this legal? I suppose, heck in some states it's probably considered the best of both worlds. I think it's dumb simply because you can't have sex with a computer image. It's the same as porn. It's not REAL! It sounds like you both need a dose of reality.
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A
male
reader, Phil052  +, writes (4 February 2017):
 I think you're just rebounding from the end of a long term relationship, and indulging in something that is exciting but not 'real sex'. I would suggest it doesn't change into anything more real, he is your cousin after all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2017): NO, it is NOT okay. Especially NOT okay for a woman who is as vulnerable as you are. You are fooling yourself.Here is a much needed shot of reality as you are clearly living in a little fantasy world... I am not doing this to be mean. It is because I care. And I don't want you to go through what I went through.You are extremely desperate and lonely. And he is an immoral man whore looking to get his rocks off with the closest available warm body. It's easier with someone you know. The rapport is already built; he does not need to go fishing around and starting from square one. A predator is seeking a woman exactly like you who is open and vulnerable to his advances. Which he knows all too well, and this makes it oh so easy for him to USE you to his advantage, for his strictly sexual pleasures. There is NO love there. Don't kid yourself. He is buttering you up and sweet talking you and telling you exactly what you want/need to hear so that he can keep getting his sexual thrills with you. He is having FUN. You are just a toy. It is just FUN. Nothing more. He is spicing up his otherwise boring life. Make no mistake. He HAS a life without you. You are just an escape and just a fantasy. He has no intention of taking this relationship to another level. Once he shuts down Skype, he shuts you down too. You are nothing more than a real life masturbation toy, a pleasant little distraction from the everyday. You are like a human Barbie doll he plays with when he feels like it and then puts her back on the shelf until he feels like playing with her again. So many men do what he is doing. So many men who are already in relationships. How do you KNOW he is not in another relationship RIGHT NOW, short of him telling you he isn't? You have no idea if his wife is still living with him, do you? Or if he really is separated. How do you KNOW he is not sex skyping several women at once, besides yourself? HOW do you really KNOW for sure? So many men are on the prowl in the world of internet fantasy and many of these men are sex addicts. You have no idea what is truly going on as you are not in his real life. I have had many men proposition me and try to start secret conversations on Facebook and on other apps. I am NOT interested! It has never been so easy to be sleazy in today's technological age. Many of these guys are married... and pathetic. He can tell you anything and sell you anything because it is easy to pull the wool over your eyes when you are just an online distraction. He can hide so much from you! Do not get your hopes up and do not get your feelings invested in him. You are building him up as your knight in shining armour when in real life all he is, is a retard in tin foil. He IS going to break your heart. He IS. He has no scruples, no morals and no decency. He is just following his dick! Surprise? Not really. He is like most other men.ALSO, here is a biggie. He is your FIRST COUSIN!! You are RELATED by BLOOD. He might as well be your brother! That is in my view simply icky! That in and of itself alone is creepy to say the very least. Of all men in the world to have sex with on Skype, you pick your first cousin? I am pretty sure you have much more choice than that!!Now, do you really want to find out how much he cares about you? How much he really "loves" you? Start up the "relationship talk" with him. That to these types of men is kryptonite. Tell him you want to see him and can't stand being apart. Tell him you plan to move to Canada as soon as you can get your life rearranged. That you cannot live without him. That you want his children. That you want to marry him. Lay this all on him. See how he reacts. Talk about the FUTURE. Wanna make a bet that you are going to drive him away? Do it and then sit back and watch the excuses come your way. If you really want to know the truth about IF the guy really LOVES YOU, you are going to have to pull this on him. And once the excuses are made, that is the green light for you to say it's been fun but I made a mistake. We have different goals in life. Because sweetheart, you are leading yourself down a road to heart break. The longer you do this, the worse it is going to be. He will do it forever. He will give you excuses and string you along because you let him and because you believe him. So much easier to believe them isn't it? Keeps our fantasy going. Because he is a man. And that is all he wants. Fun. You, on the other hand, I suspect are much more emotionally involved. Like so many woman. He does NOT love you. I would actually be shocked if he was prepared to give up his life to move to be with you or have you do the same. Even if he says yes he wants to but can't right now due to this and this... well, those are excuses. Very typical excuses for the commitment resistant good time guys.Just don't want to see you hurt and investing your heart into a man who is not worth it. Sorry, he is SLEAZY and has no respect for you and has no boundaries. He is not someone you should feel SAFE and protected with. He is capable of hurting you badly. Look at his actions with you. What kind of character does he have? Do you TRUST him? How could you? You never see him. There is no intimacy/bonding in sexually skyping someone. You have no relationship here. It is just mindless fun. How could he LOVE you when all you do is have sexual together on the internet? It isn't even REAL SEX. There is no way. And I think you are projecting your hopes onto him loving you because you are skyping him sexually hoping you can reel him into a relationship. Women give sex to get love. Men give love to get sex. Do you KNOW what he is doing in between your Skype dates?How do you KNOW he is NOT having REAL LIFE sex with someone else? And just supplementing that with some more fun from you?I think you should get out now. I am under the impression this "relationship" is new? So, even better to bail. Either way, you DO need to bail. Stop Skyping him. You can tell him you have met someone else. Or just stop. You do not owe him anything. You know it in your heart that it is wrong and a dead end street or you would not be here asking about it. He makes you feel insecure. And you have every reason to be. You are walking a tightrope without a safety net. And deep down sweetie, you know it.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (4 February 2017):
 Personally I think it's extremely odd to feel that way about a cousin and it wouldn't ever enter my head to pursue.
I'm not sure what the laws are in the US but I'm pretty sure Some states have restrictions on incestious relationships so I'd tread very carefully.
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