A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Would you date someone who is mentally ill, more specifically bipolar?I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder, and in my googling I have read many, many warnings from people who have dated bipolar people to steer clear of us. I have also read many opinions of people who think that the mentally ill shouldn't mingle with "normal" folks.I suppose I'm asking to get my own definitive answers from mature, intelligent adults as a way of picturing how the rest of society would feel (I don't think Yahoo! Answers very well represents the rest of society).While I think that many people have the wrong idea of what illnesses like Bipolar Disorder and Depression look like (no thanks to Hollywood), I am not offended by people's negative opinions. I understand, and it actually motivates me to bring better awareness to the reality of these issues.So, please be honest in your answers. I can take it :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 November 2012):
 "Would you date someone who is mentally ill, more specifically bipolar?"
My initial response is NO. My father is biploar, or so he's said, but who knows these days it seems everyone is getting that diagnosis.
But then I'm thinking, if you're responsible and realize that your mental illness is not compatible with a relationship, and thus take medication to keep yourself at a calm state, then I'd say you have every chance of making someone happy. Because as it is, I'm not concerned about you finding a relationship. People fall in love and love makes blind, and people who don't know anything about bipolar personality disorder wont know any better and will think they can manage it. People are naive. So I am sure you will not have a promlem finding someone to be in a relationship with. The REAL problem is: can you make them happy?
Bipolars can create a living hell for the ones close to them. When I have children I will never leave them alone with my father, I do not trust him with children at all. But he doesn't take medication, and he refuses to accept any respnsibility for his actions, blaming it on "who he is". But you can't mistreat someone, and then pass the blame on your mental illness. Even if you can't help it, it is still your responsibility to make sure you don't harm anyone. If that means take medication, then you need to take medication.
My father has not had any healthy relationships. He's been alone for several years now. But he also keeps his mental health a secret, is very controlling, doesn't take medication, and is NOT a believer of open communication. I think you will do a lot better in your love life if you are open and honest about your illness, so that a future partner knows what he's heading in for, and can perpare and learn about your illness. Knowledge means he can handle it, not knowing means he'll never understand you, and will never know how to "handle" you. It is your job to make sure you pass on the knowledge of who you are, and what people should be prepared for. That way you build the best foundation for both friendships and relationships. A relationship will be impossible unless you are honest.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 November 2012):
 I agree with the last female anon. Ideally, I would not either. Not out of lack of empathy, ignorance or prejudice- again, it's not a moral judgement , it's a pragmatic one.
Relationships are already complicated enough when both partners are baggage free and mentally sound, imagine when either one has a mentall illness. So, no, I probably would not willingly take someone who has a mental illness, the same way I would not willingly take someone who is ridden with debts , or battling with addictions.
I think having a partner serves its purpose when it makes your life simpler and happier, not when it adds problems to it. Otherwise, might as well stay single.
Said that, ... this is all theory. In practice, love is a mystery, and a miracle . When you fall in love, you fall in love, and you get the strength, will, and patience to deal with, basically, anything :).
So, I guess the point of my post is , don't take it badly if you should get rejections, when people makes a choice FOR their own life it does not mean it is AGAINST you personally, you know what I mean ? ...And at the same time, don't worry too much, if you meet love, ( not just attraction ), love can handle your bipolar disorder with one hand tied behind its back :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): I wouldn't, unless that person was aware of their condition and actively taking steps to manage it, and having success with that.
It's not a moral judgment or anything, it's a pragmatic one. You have to consider the emotional harm you will cause to the other person if you have bipolar and don't have the symptoms under control.
it's not about whether people should or shouldn't date someone who has bipolar. It's about whether someone should choose to be in a relationship that can cause them a lot of emotional damage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your feedback, it helped very much to enlighten me to the many perspectives others have.To the second anonymous female reader, pinktopaz, and MikeEal: I am sorry to hear you've had bad experiences with people diagnosed as bipolar. I would venture to say that your partners could have also had other issues going on or actually had Borderline Personality Disorder, but I don't know. Like you've said, everyone's illness doesn't manifest the same way. In any case, I appreciate your honesty.Thanks again, everyone! You're the best :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): I don't think it would be a deal breaker if the spark/attraction was there in the first place.
You could just as easily ask, would you date an alcoholic person, disabled person, obese person, older/younger person or even a drug addict?
In each case, it'll complicate things, but nobody is perfect. We all bring our own baggage to a relationship, at least you're aware of yours!
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male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 i was married for 19 years to someone who was bipolar. I would never date someone who was bipolar again. when I think about it the problem was I never knew she was bipolar until 7 years into our marriage. the key is to be honest upfront. I know its hard. Its like saying you've got herpes which she also had. I didn't find out about that until it was too late. herpes is something that is manageable. I'm not so sure about bipolar. Bipolar comes in many different versions. good luck but be careful. It's a problem you can walk away from.He can't.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): My brother has bipolar and is happily married with 2 kids, a stable job, lots of friends. Very full life. Right now he is starting to feel down after six months stable (before that was manic phase which had us all very concerned). His wife is supportive and just loves him for him. He's just starting on lithium now.
I think everyone has ups and downs. Supportive friends and family is vital. Mental health is difficult for anyone to maintain at all times. We all struggle from time to time. It's just part of our humanity. As long as you surround yourself with supportive and loving people you will be ok.
Yes if someone was honest and open about their situation it would not put me off dating them.
Good luck
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (18 November 2012):
Being someone that has dated two different people, both with Bipolar disorder (not sure if they were I or II), I would be very hesitant to date another man that's bipolar.
The first one didn't take any medication--he was a druggie (I didn't find out until later because he hid it from me because he knew I didn't like drugs), an almost compulsive liar, and would lose complete control if he felt he didn't have control of me. Sorry, but I did (and still do) refer to him as "psycho" and he did actually scare me on several occasions. Needless to say, I feel that I dodged a bullet with him.
The next one, I really liked him and when he told me he was bipolar I was almost devastated. Luckily, he does take meds, goes to therapy and he seems to have pretty good control of it. He also has ADD, so he also needs meds for that. He's a super sweet guy and we get along well, but he can really get on my nerves with not being able to sit still and he can be a little "off" sometimes. He's very handsome too, but because of his illness, I don't see our relationship ever developing more that the friendship we have because I'm fearful of passing on the disorder to my children.
So as you can see, two different people and I have two very different opinions of them. Medication and therapy make all the difference. But in all honesty, I'm looking forward to meeting someone that is "normal" and doesn't need medication to function on a day-to-day basis.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (18 November 2012):
Hey dear,
From observing the people I know, having a mental disorder does not mean you can't have a good relationship.
I think that in general, life is difficult and everybody, mentally "healthy" or not, has got their issues. No one is perfect. As other members here said, up to 25% of people will have or have a mental disorder at one point in their lives. And the rest will still experience crisis or difficulties some time.
So, if you ask me, would I date someone with bipolar 2 disorder? Yes, I would - if there was a spark, of course ;). It would help a great deal if this person I dated was willing to do therapy and knew himself well enough to help me understand him. For instance, if that person could tell me what are the signs that he will get manic/depressive and what would help him in that situation. The more I knew about his problems and the possible ways to cope with it, the less afraid I would be.
Since I want to be honest, my ex suffered from recurring depressive disorder, so did I. And although we loved each other, in times when one of us was depressed it was quite difficult for the other not to fall into that black hole as well. Still, we managed for a long time and our psychological problems were not the reason why we broke up. It may sound weird, but having a partner who also knew depression was a plus for me, because he would not judge me as hard as other people might have.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (18 November 2012):
 Since 25% of the population in the world will, at some stage in their life, need help with anything from (in alphabetical order, not in any order of severity) Anxiety, Aspergers, Autism, Bi-polar, Depression, Paranoia, Scitzophrenia etc, etc, etc then an awful lot of people would be without a partner if your premise were true.
In truth many people with some form of a mental health issue also have a loving partner and often children as well.
Many high functioning individuals also have some form of regular therapy and take medication and also hold down interesting jobs.
Thousands of students at University right now also have some form of regular therapy and take medication and either have a regular partner or take an active part in university social life.
I knew very early on, after we met, that my late very adore husband had schizophrenia. Many people suffering this illness are also highly intelligent. He attended University, and took a very active part in sport before, during and after he went to University. He was physically very fit.
So yes I am sure there are millions of people out there, like me, who adore or have adored and love or have loved and enjoy/ed the company of a person they connected with and whose company they enjoy/ed as either a friend or as a family member, or as a loving partner in life. To those who have chosen to date a person with some form of mental illness then yes, a proportion of those people also go on to marry their partner.
To the rest, the squeamish, the 'oh juk, no thank yuk' then those poor souls are not worthy of your time since their attitudes are 200 years out of date. Their old 17th century prejudices have no place
in the 21st century.
With modern medication and regular therapy most people could not pick out who has some form of mental illness VERSUS who doea not in a line up of 100 people.
One in every 100 people has schizophrenia, for example.
Many very well known people in public life have some form of mental illness.
The most important thing is for people with a mental illness is to seek out therapy, follow what the Doctor asks of them (eg not overdo alcohol, illicit drugs can do harm etc, get regular sleeep etc)
And always take their medication as directed.
Many great writers, artists and great achievers have had some form of mental illness. And thet also have loving partners and loving children too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): Bipolar disorder varies so much in ppl. There was one man that was bipolar, and we got on so well, I would have dated him, but was already in a relationship. I have known many bipolar ppl, some were friends. I also knew another guy that had who drove me crazy, super whiney, needy, had to speak to me on the phone for hours, and he was just annoying, always threatened to kill himself, always the same problems in diff scenarios, he contradicted himself and would verbally bash me and others, when we were understanding and supportive, when his actions were simply ridiculous and befuddling, etc; he was awful, but he wasnt properly medicated and I think had other issues, he was the only one I knew on that level, and all of that was on a daily basis. I also knew others who werent medicated and they werent like that. So it really depends on the situation and the person.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): I've just posted here about my boyfriend. He is bipolar . My post is about my boyfriend punching himself during an argument last night. I'm not sure whether to stay with him or not.
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (17 November 2012):
 If you were properly medicated and seeking professional therapy, yes. If you were not, no.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 November 2012):
 properly medicated you should be fine
and I would date a guy with mental illness.. heck i have some myself and i've had 4 husbands.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 November 2012):
 As long as they had it under control, either through therapy, medication, or a combination, I would if I really liked them. Most of the people I know with bipolar disorder have more issues with things like keeping a job, keeping control of money, substance abuse, etc... than with anything violent like in Hollywood. I know some very high functioning people with bipolar who have done just fine for themselves, and I know some who bottomed out and never recovered. It would depend how much in order their lives were.
I'm dating someone with aspergers and I love him. His mental "illness" actually is a positive for his personality more often than a negative (very honest, driven, confident).
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