A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm entering a poetry contest can peeps tell me what thy think bout this poem thanks xxto be with you is all i desire, with out you my hearts on fire,my hearts in pain ,bleeding,aching for you,only in my dreams u luv me 2 .m battling with my head and my heart,i shouldnt of loved u from the start ,my feelings are so wrong,but cnt help thm bein strong.i try so hard not to be like this,ut all i want is ur kiss,all i need to say,my love 4 u wont fade away. comments please xx Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): Sounds more like a rap song but i liked it
A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Only in my dreams you love me too.
My favorite line. says alot.
good luck with the contest.
I think this poem deserves music, make it a song.
Keep writing
...............................
A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (3 May 2011):
OP don't be shy! There's no need to be at all.Some of the most beautiful poetry ever written is love poetry. It's also a really good way to express your feelings.You've already been given some good tips here re. structure, grammar etc. I would just add if you enjoy writing poetry then stick at it.
...............................
A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (3 May 2011):
 Hello,
Yes, it's a romantic lovey poem. Just friendly poetry advice...(she says.....)...you rhyme 12 12 12 12 12 OK. that's ok. So in the poem the even numbered line always rhymes the previous odd number. This is a basic device. However, your meter...pattern of syllables should try to be even!!! As an example....if the odd number lines have 9 syllables try to make them all have 9. And, the even all have 8. This gives the poem greater rhythm and is more pleasing to read and see on the page! Further, you could follow this pattern but stop the last line short in order to give the poem some effect. It then polishes the poem as a piece of work. However, it's your work and you have the artistic freedom to craft and mould it how you desire and feel! Best wishes, I like your poem!
...............................
A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 Hello there.
Your poem is nice but it would be nicer if you put more description of your feelings following some rhythmic pattern and meter.
I would suggest, try to know the criteria of the poetry contest you will be joining. What you have written is a free verse poem, a poem without rhythmic and metric pattern. Though you have an end rhyme but has an uneven metric pattern.
Try to read online on how to write poems to be more creative. as I have said, your poem is nice you just need to refine and add more expressions and decide which poetry style you want.
If you want to join a contest in poetry, writing a free verse is the easiest way but the most challenging part in poetry is to follow a metric and rhythmic pattern.
Try to visit this site: www.lovingyou.com this may be useful for your reference in writing poems.
I wish you the best!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok yeah its not actually for a contest,it is bout someone i like a lot but was kinda shy to say that it was for someone
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 I'm with sexlessintheuk. Content is good, the verse is nice, but if this is actually for a contest, you'll want to eliminate all that text speak for proper grammar. Spelling will also need a touch up. Keep in mind, a literary contest takes literary presentation VERY seriously. You don't get the benefit of creating your own style until you're actually accomplished in the art. Right now, you need to learn the fundimentals.
Good luck in the contest.
...............................
|
