A
female
age
41-50,
*agie
writes:Hi I am in love with my psychiatrist and I dont know what to do. I am tired of waiting but he smiled so much at me last time and looked so flirty. When I tell him i want to leave country he tells me to stay etc. On the other side I want to give up as I know he has kids but i dont know is he married or divorced.I love him a lot but cant wait forever i am scared if I say something I will destroy all and then nt be able to see him any more.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): Yeh! i agree with sexlessintheuk...lol truth is always best.The others are right because it is quite common therapist /patient and these feelings.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (4 May 2011):
Before being able to comment on what you should do, I would need to know some details about the working relationship you have with him, the patient/doctor relationship. Is it a therapy relationship, or more of a doctor patient relationship? Do you talk about your symptoms generally, or do you find yourself talking more about your life and relationships? How regularly do you meet, is it every week or every few weeks, and how long have you been seeing him?
If you are conducting regular therapy, it is not unusual for you as the patient to develop feelings of love and other strong feelings towards your psychiatrist. You should speak about these feelings in therapy, tell him about your feelings. This includes your feelings of frustration and being scared to talk to him, as well as your feelings of love. These are difficult conversations to have, but your psychiatrist will be able to have these conversations with you in a professional manner that it part of the therapy process. If he is unable to have these conversations with you, or if he reacts emotionally, you should not be seeing him as a psychiatrist.
If you are not in a therapy relationship, if it is more of a diagnosis and medication type relationship, and if you don't see him very frequently, it is still a good idea to speak to him about your feelings, but understand that he may not be trained or skilled in dealing with your feelings in a professional way. Either way, it will help you with your confusion and help you to come to the decision that is best for you, as to what to do.
Please also keep in mind that he has a doctor patient relationship with you. As such, it is highly unethical and inappropriate for him to have any kind of relationship with you. I know it might be something you want, but it is not something he is able to give you, irrespective of whether he is married or not. That doesn't mean that you can't talk about it, in fact, it is usually a good idea that you do talk about it. Just know you probably won't get what you want, but if you are lucky you might get something better by expressing your true feelings. That is, you get to be true to yourself, and find an acceptable way to express your love in the world. Only good things can come from that.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, lovebird1  +, writes (3 May 2011):
It's very common to have a crush on a psychiatrist. In fact, Freud said it will happen in a therapy (at least in psychoanalysis), because the patient is projecting a lot of good things on to the psychiatrist. Which is no wonder, since a psychiatrist is payed to play a nice, warm, understanding role. Yes, this warmth and understanding might come from the heart as well, but in the end of the day he's a normal guy with needs and flaws. Would you really notice him and have a crush on him if you had met him in another situation, let's say in the supermarket? What I want to say: This is an illusion and believe me, you'll regret it a lot (!!!) if you give into this. You don't know that man you just make assumptions and idealise him. He knows a lot about you, and makes you feel accepted, but you don't know a lot about him, so don't think this is love! This is begging for the appreciation of an idealised unreachable figure. I've been there, done that, and it was a terrible experience in the end. I love/hated my therapist a lot, it ended with me almost being mentally ruined. It took me a long time to get over it and I suffered really bad. I think you already know what to do, and you want us all to say it to you too: Give up! Tell him the truth and then end it, don't go to that therapist any more. You'll torture yourself in the long run and pay a lot of money for it. And you won't solve any of the problems you're in therapy for!Look for help to deal with that problem (with a female therapist, that is!!).
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