A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can I ask a serious question - would you aunts be mad if your partner went and got a dog without consulting you first?Right now I am sat here absolutely raging! My partner went and got a dog last week and the thing just craps everywhere! We can't leave it at home alone because it just barks constantly and it gets fur and dirt absolutely everywhere! Not only that it bites everything and tried to rip everything to shreds!Basically any freedom we had has just been flushed down the toilet! It's like having a baby all over again. We can't even do silly things like run to the shops or go to the cinema etc.Tonight we took the dog for a long walk and tried to get it to do it's business etc! It didn't - so we came home and it went in the corner and just let loose!I am seriously considering leaving my partner over this as my blood is boiling! All he says is 'that's what dogs do etc' well so do babies but I didn't go and get pregnant because I respected his wishes!I feel completely side swiped with this and have lost all of my patience! I know the dog is here now and that is the end of it but I am absolutely livid that he just went and did this and expected me to just fall inline! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2019): What strikes me is that there is absolutely zero empathy in your post for how the dog must feel.
Digs are really sensitive animals that can easily pick up on human emotions and tensions.
You’re not suited to this dog and I feel really, really sorry for the poor animal who has no choice but to get passed around to strangers who don’t want him.
Take him to a rescue centre and both of you realise a dog is not a toy or an object. They need routine, live and care - nine of which you are willing to give.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2019): This shows total disrespect of you and your feelings. This is not about dogs per se. It could have been anything that he brought home that he had not consulted you about. KNOWING that it was going to have a huge impact on the way you live your lives together. Therefore by his actions he has shown that you do not mean anything to him really. He has shown that he will do what he likes, when he likes and screw you basically.
So, in answer to your question, yes I would be absolutely livid. I am a huge dog lover, animal lover, before someone takes what I'm saying to be about the dog. It isn't. It's about his total, absolute rejection of your part in this relationship. It's his way or the highway.
And by his actions, these are the only two choices that he has given you. Accept it or leave. What else is he going to do I wonder? To show you how unimportant you are to him. I would be wary about this kind of attitude from a partner. You are second place and he is the boss. I wouldn't be happy with this kind of person. Whether you choose his way or the highway however, is obviously up to you.
Just one last thought. Has something happened between you recently and this is a passive/aggressive response from him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2019): I love dogs but I would also be raging if my boyf bought one without discussing it with me. a dog is a family member. You don't expand your family without discussing it first. He better make sure he looks after it properly
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 November 2019):
 I suspect there is a bigger picture here, i.e. that this is not "just" about the dog. I suspect you feel resentment because you do actually want a child but your husband doesn't, so you abide by his wishes. Although I am confused on this point because you say, on the one hand, "It's like having a baby all over AGAIN" (my caps) but then say "I didn't go and get pregnant because I respected his wishes".
Your husband, on the other hand, seems to do what he wants, regardless of YOUR wishes. Indeed, he doesn't even consult with you when making a life changing decision like getting a dog. It sounds like this dog was in dire need of a new home and your husband just decided, without giving it any great thought, that he would take it in. I am a dog lover. My partner and I have dogs of our own. However, we would never acquire another dog unless we were both in full agreement on the subject as it is something which would affect us both.
Re the poor dog, it sounds like it is quite young and has had a bad start in life in that it has had no training (probably the reason it needed to be rehomed) and then got passed on to someone on a whim. If you are going to keep the dog, you need to accept its presence in the house instead of resenting it, as that is not good for ANYONE, least of all YOU. If you cannot do this, then the dog needs to be rehomed to someone who wants it or you need to seriously consider leaving.
On a practical level, you need to get some advice from a dog behaviourist (PLEASE find one who uses only positive methods of training, not one who advocates physical punishment or shock/spray collars). Do you know what the dog's previous situation was? Was he perhaps not walked at all and thinks that toileting in the house is the right thing to do? If your dog suffers from separation anxiety (hence the barking when left), can you get a friend or neighbour to sit with it when you need to go out? Are there any doggie day care centres in your area? As for the dirt and fur, well, that IS what happens when you have a dog.If dirt and fur everywhere are a deal breaker for you, then you are NEVER going to be happy with this dog being around. Towelling off after walks and frequent grooming may help to some degree but you will always have SOME dirt and fur. If you need a show house, then this will drive you mad and you really shouldn't have a dog.
Perhaps you can agree to cut the poor dog some slack IF your husband agrees to book and pay for a behaviourist and work to sort out the dog's issues? However, if this is really a symptom of a much deeper issue in your relationship, then perhaps this is a wake-up call that you two need to address something fundamental to your future together.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 November 2019):
 Yes, I would be mad.
I think the approach of "better to ask forgiveness than ask permission" is a no-go when it comes to making HUGE changes in your life, like getting a dog.
My husband has done this 4 times though, (with kittens) and I have told him in no uncertain terms that NO MORE rescues! And he has stuck by that the last 2 years. And like you, I had the "well the pet is here now so we better make the best of it" attitude too. But having multiple pets mean we CAN'T go off for a weekend/holiday without having someone to come feed and scoop. Or pay out the nose to have them boarded.
My advice? HE needs to look for a trainer and TAKE the dog to puppy school, ASAP. It needs to be trained to a point where you BOTH can live COMFORTABLE with the dog. Secondly, ANY poo and pee is HIS job to clean. I would also suggest you tell him to TAKE the pup to the VET to ensure it has ALL it's shots. There are MANY diseases a puppy can die from, but before they die they have diarrhea and are in pain for months, which isn't fair on the dog. (I'm talking parvo, kennel cough, distemper, heart-worm and rabies.)
Depending on the dogs age, (if this is a puppy, HE needs to take him potty every 2-4 hours. Get some puppy pads for the areas where it might have gone potty before, NOT for him to have a toilet but to PROTECT the floor and the pup in case of an accident.
http://www.americanhumane.org/fact-sheet/housetraining-puppies-dogs/
That link might give HIM some tips.
As for what YOU can do? LEAVE the puppy for HIM to take care of. Don't "take over". This IS his monkey, his circus. And unfortunately YOU live in that circus too, so you will have to decide if this can work or not.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 November 2019):
 “I know the dog is here now and that’s the end of it”.... no, that’s not the end of it. This poor dog needs a family who wants him, not one who is annoyed by his behaviour and resents that he’s there.
I completely understand why you’re mad and I don’t think you’re right for a dog or a dog is right for you. The best thing would be to release him to a rescue so he can find a family who are happy to put in the work and love him to bits, not feel forced to do so because one person decided to drop him on the other person.
Please don’t keep this dog if you’re not in love with him and going to pay for positive reinforcement (not punishment or alpha) training.
I doubt your partner got him from a responsible rescue because rescues don’t just hand dogs out without home checks and making sure every family member is enthusiastic about dog ownership.
Please, this poor dog shouldn’t be living in such an unhappy environment. They need love just like people do, not to be resented. I also don’t blame you for wanting to leave because he clearly isn’t responsible with another being’s life, but please ensure the dog is safely in a reputable rescue before you consider leaving. He needs the appropriate care that you don’t have the patience for (which is fair enough) and your partner took on irresponsibly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2019): Please forgive me, but I chuckled through the first few lines of your post. You've got a knack for writing; and I was able to visualize from your vivid description.
Well, I wouldn't go so far as to leave my partner over a dog. I would sit-down and discuss returning this particular dog back to where he comes from.
If he's a full-grown dog, possibly a rescue animal; it may be difficult to house-train him. If he is a neurotic animal with behavior problems; it's likely the reason why he ended-up at the shelter. If the animal is destructive, your partner has to consider how it is affecting your household and your relationship.
Now, if the house or apartment happens to be in his name only; and/or most of the furnishings are his. He may be the one who gets to decide who stays and who goes!
On the other hand, I would be like you! If we split everything down the middle; and he didn't even bother consulting me first. Either he, or the dog goes! I'm staying put!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 November 2019):
 Your partner certainly doesn't seem to have thought it through. Do either of you work, or both of you? Who looks after the dog then, and who cleans up after?
You and he need a long serious discussion, and if he is unwilling to budge or acknowledge your feelings and thoughts on this then yes, consider leaving.
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