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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I've been cursed with low self esteem ever since I can remember. Probably from age 9 to above. Part of it had to do with my appearance (fat, pimply, braces, nerd) and the other with how people treated me because of how I looked. I went through 2 immigrations (Russia to US) I was bullied to no end and my friends constantly betrayed me until I had none left. My first boyfriend was manipulative and dumped me because I had an outburst of acne, I went through Accutane treatment for 6 months, was sexually assaulted by several guys, etc etc. The list goes on. My self esteem is a decomposing plant...I've now realized appearance has NOTHING to do with self esteem, because I have gained the "looks" with age but not the confidence. I am still shy, still unsure of myself, still speak in a low tone, still am worried that all eyes are on me, that I'm being judged. I still slouch when I walk. How can I overcome this once and for all? I hold a lot of grudges and I want to heal already. Would a therapist be the best option for me?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (20 November 2011):
 Therapy might be a good option. It can help you clear your head, organize your thoughts and understand/regulate your thoughts and cognitive process. You may find it really helpful.
You may need to shop around for therapists. Some are great, some are lousy - it's the same as any other profession. So, if your first try doesn't "wow" you, that's okay. It's not you. It's not therapy. It's the therapist.
You sound like you've been through a lot and it sounds like therapy may be right up your alley. With such a history, you may need help wading through it and improving your self esteem. You may find that you're suffering from a bit of depression, and knowing that will change how you approach life.
I wish you boatloads of luck, sweet!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2011): you said it, no matter how good your apperance looks it will not help you gain confidence, a few years ago i thought the reason why i was so self consious was because i was a little over weight, so i lost the weight and guess what? it didnt make me feel any more confident, i still found it hard to make eye contact and i still got nervous around people, and still felt like i was a worthless mess.
until one day, i reliased that it was nothing to do with the way i looked or the way i dressed... the problem was my attitude and my past. (I had a hard childhood my mother was dependant on alcahol and my father left after i was born,i was left to care for my mother and go to school at the same time.) you seem to have had a trumatic life as well which doesnt make your self-esteem any better, the things that has been done to you is apalling and they should be the ones with the low esteem, they should be ashamed. in the end i got a therapist and discovered that i had mild depression and an anxiety dissorder which all combined caused me to feel low esteem and self conscious. she taught me many techinques and exlplained that none of the things that had happened to me was mt fault and that i needed to change the way i thought about things,she taught me to switch all the negative thoughts to positive thoughts, having a therapist helped me through and now i have a good job,a boyfreind a car and a steady realtionship with people, i am confident in myself and in my looks etc. it doesnt happen over night but the results are well worth the work, i hope all works out for you. best wishes. K x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2011): Yes, you should see a therapist. But therapy is not like taking aspirin for a headache where it will work without your conscious effort. Therapy involves doing work on yourself. The therapist can't heal you, they can only help you to heal yourself and guide you on how to go about doing it, but ultimately you have to do it. But it will be very worth it, the result should be that you feel better.
I'm sorry to hear of all the traumatic experiences you've had. No one should have to experience any of that, let alone all of it. It's no wonder that you feel the way you do now, it's not your fault, it's how your mind has adapted to the trauma you've been exposed to.
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