A
female
age
30-35,
*rene_McKnight
writes:I have a crush on my husband's best friend/ band mate, lets call him Tyler. I can't stop thinking about him. My feelings for him have even helped me to start writing music again. I don't want to feel this way about him. My friend says that I can't just make it go away.I used to hate him more than anything, but I recently realized that I hated him because I don't actually hate him at all. I saw someone say something about it being normal to like to look at handsome guys, but I've recently realized that Tyler is not physically attractive at all, he has pretty eyes and a nice smile, thats all. Whats attracted me to him is his personality, his sense of humor, and how much we have in common. We're almost friends ourselves now. And he's a really playful sort of guy. Tickling and getting in my face and stuff. One time, he got close enough to me that we could have kissed him. Since then, I just can't get that off of my mind. I just love spending time with him because we enjoy the same things. Not to mention, he is an extremely talented musician. I love just watching and listening to him play. He's even found his way into my dreams. They've ranged from just spending time with him, to him begging me to choose him. My husband even mentioned that i've started talking in my sleep. I want them to stop. I really do. I want to only feel this way about my husband. This isn't even close to all that I can write about Tyler, but I dont want to discourage anyone from reading it and leaving a comment, so I'll cut this short. Please if anyone knows something I can use to help me out, I would greatly appreciate it. Help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2011): One thing that I do not like, is when people say we are not in control of our thoughts, emotions and actions. We are, the majority of us that do not suffer disorders, that is. Most of us are accountable, meaning we understand the consequences of choices/decisions and that each choice/decisions have outcomes that are desirable/good or undesirable/poor.We are able to not entertain thoughts of men we are attracted to due to spending time around them. Everytime Tyler pops in the brain, shoo him away with thoughts of what Hubby has done that was cute, funny, sweet for teh day or week. Its understandable that this Tyler would be someone to be attracted to being Husband chose his as a friend and band mate because Hubby and Tyler have similar interests and personality traits.I don't like that Tyler is overly familiar with you- tickling games? I wouldn't encourage that. Thats flirting, public displays of affection and cheating in my books.I think we can develop crushes but we have to be responsible, adult enough to keep them at a safe level until the crush phase dies out. Thats how we remain faithful, monogamous to our partners by being in control and not letting our thoughts get carried away and be built upon. Self restraint is an admirable trait we should all work to have.Stop the flirting, stop the 'hey its just us alone, together' times. Thoughts of Tyler romantically- shoo them away. Sing a song from childhood, or an annoying Ad tune. Take out photobook you will make of you and hubby to look at the good times. Carry a few love letters Hubby wrote to you and read them whenever Tyler pops in da head. Hold unto your ring and all it stands for. The good, the love, the friendship, the amazing qualities of your Husband. The Reminder you are married and made promises, vows, commitments to your husband to be faithful-that even means thoughts.Give up the girl hood and embrace womanhood and be proud and happy to be married to a good, loving, talented Man.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 November 2011):
 We just cannot help how we feel sometimes, or who we fall for. but it is obvious that you love your husband and you don't want to hurt him or ruin a lot of friendships. It is ok to fantasize about other people, but you need to try and distance yourself from Tyler. Don't get to close to him as a friend because it is a risky road to go down when there are feelings involved. Try and minimise contact with him and concentrate on your marriage. Hopefully it time it will fade.
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