Would it seem that shes over it or do you think she felt the same way I did?

A male age 30-35, *lendenflecke writes:

Alright, so basically I need help for dealing with some feelings about my last relationship. I met her at my last job, and worked with her for the longest time, and it wasnt until both of us and all of my other co-workers went out one night, that I realized that I really would like to be with her. So I asked her out, it was all good, jocked her for a little while and it became official. From the beginning it was a relationship that was different from all the others, we both confessed that to eachother. It was just one of those times when you can just feel that this person is something really special and you had found what so many people search for, that perfect match. A little over a month into the relationship, she had to leave town because she was going to school about an hour and a halfs drive away. So even though that really doesnt seem that far, it pretty much turned into a long distance relationship, because as I worked and went to school, I didnt have the time to go up and see her all the time, and she didnt have a car to come and visit very often. So before she left we both decided we wanted to try and make it work, even though neither of us had ever really believed that LDRs ever work, but we felt we could do it. We held it down for another two months, but things started to get rocky. As our relationship became increasingly reliant on technology, we communicated through phone, sometimes webcam chat, and mostly text. She was going to a big university, and was on a dance team, so she had very little free time, and made me feel somewhat unimportant. In turn, I would tell her that I felt unimportant, and she wouldn't understand, because she was just very unaware of how she was coming off. So things got worse, she came home right after our three month anniversary, we had a serious talk, and although we came to no conclusion about what would happen to us, I came to my own consensus when she couldnt even tell me she wanted to try anymore. The next day, at 4 in the morning because I had no other chance to see her before she left again, I broke up with her. I made it very clear that I was doing it because I felt like I was holding her back from things she wanted to do at school, and because overall I felt like she wasnt putting nearly as much effort into the relationship as me.I really felt very forgotten by her. I can say now that it was by far the hardest thing Ive ever had to do in my life. I had never cried that much over anything, ever. After I did that I was in a daze, I was lost. I felt like in a minute I had found everything I wanted and just as fast circumstance had taken it away from me, and I still to this day hold a deep contempt at life and god if one exists, for doing that to me. I never blamed her for the breakup, as I am a very self aware person and openly acknowledge my flaws and the mistakes that I made, I blamed circumstance. So after that we didnt talk for a few days, because I told her I needed time, I had planned on waiting a lot longer but couldnt stand it. I got in touch with her and we started talking again, a lot. We in fact pretty much did exactly what we did when we were together, which was text each other all day and then talk on the phone or the computer every other day. We did this for a couple weeks and then she told me she was going to be in town again and she wanted to see me, so we met up and had a talk. Throughout this whole time I had been through emotional turmoil, and looking back now I can honestly say I was depressed, I was deeply heartbroken over the whole thing. So it was very tense when we talked, it took a little while before we cut the small talk and started talking about how we felt. I cleared up the fact that I hadnt broken up with her because I wanted to, but because I had that I had to, because I couldnt force her to put in effort and moreover felt I shouldnt even have to ask, and that I wasnt going to hang on to the relationship and wait for her to do it. She then brought something up that I had done right before I had broken up with her, that she took in a way that I had not meant, that had really upset her. I instantly felt horrible and because so much time had passed since then I felt worse because she had been thinking that whole time that I had done something to intentionally hurt her, which I would never have done. She left rather abruptly after that. That was the last time I saw her. I was kinda just all over the place, I suddenly felt I had a chance to get her back, and for the first time I tried to get one of my exs back. So I told her I still wanted to be with her, waited for her to tell me if she wanted to, and she ended up saying that it would be better if we didnt. So I stopped trying, I left her alone and started distancing myself from her. About a couple weeks later, I saw that on facebook she had been posting all these things about me, saying "I miss you" and "I keep dialing your number, writing you texts, why cant I follow through on it". I had blocked her from my stream but had decided to look at her profile to see how she was, and then saw all of it. I immediatly realized she had wrote all of that with the thought that I had seen it. So I got in touch with her and told her we should talk. We talked and both agreed we'd like to try to get back to a relationship, all LDR over the phone and text and such. That lasted for about a month, during that time I didnt see her at all, she was very reluctant to have me go up there as we werent actually together yet. After that I told her I couldnt wait for her to figure out what she wanted and then it was pretty much over. I didnt talk to her anymore, once in a while we'll text eachother but thats it. Well,I saw her yesterday for the first time since late December. It went well, we talked for about an hour and a half, didnt talk about anything from the past and overall it was really nice and went better than I had anticipated. Until I came home, went to my room and started to cry. At first I didnt even know why I was crying, and im still not 100% sure. Part of what got to me was the fact that after all these months of not seeing her, shes still exactly the same. Shes still the way I remember, and that fact that we so easily started talking again, it was like the time hadnt even passed, it made me sad, because I realized I could still be with her, that chance of feeling like that again, being that happy, is still there. Seeing her brought up the old feeling that I have of just plain old MISSING her. I missed her for so long after we broke up, because unlike a lot of other breakups, she wasnt there. She became a voice on a phone, a text message. I couldnt see her, there was no closure. She was everything I wanted and it was like all I had to go off of was her memory. And all of a sudden she was right in front of me and it just reminded me of all that. I really just need some help to get over this, I havnt cried over her in months and havnt really thought about her in a long while. and I was partly in shock becuase I couldnt believe I was crying about it.I just dont get how to get over this, how do you just tell yourself you dont want someone who made you happier then youve ever been. Who is no longer in your life not because it didnt work out, but because life itself tore you apart. We have both said countless times that she hadnt left we'd still be together and both said that we would love to have the chance to be together again so we could see what could happen.We also both agreed that when we were together it was different then anything we had ever felt, because it truly was. I just dont know how to get over it. Seeing her dug up all those feelings. Telling myself there are other women out there doesnt help me at all, because I dont want anyone else, she was everything I was looking for. Whats more is that we both have not been in a relationship since we were together, idk if that means something or not because we both have certainly had the chance. Shes here in town for the next week. I have really been fightning the urge to just tell her I still miss her, that Im sorry we cant be together. I havnt contacted her since yesterday though, because I dont think she felt anything after we left, but thats just my thought cause Ive honestly always assumed that everytime I was thinking of her, that she wasnt thinking of me, that shes completely over me and doesnt feel anything emotionally toward me anymore. Id love to find out that Im wrong but I am not an expert on womans feelings so I really cant say. So, should I contact her? Leave the whole thing alone? Would it seem that shes over it or do you think she felt the same way I did? Id love some tips or just input on the situation, anything would help. Thanks for reading!

View related questions: anniversary, broke up, co-worker, depressed, facebook, heartbroken, long distance, my ex, text, university

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A male reader, xnickx  +, writes (24 July 2010):

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