A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I posted a question before about my LDR boyfriend who dumped me because he became depressed and didnt want love anymore because love is so exhausting to him now and he doesnt want it. He doesnt love me or have any feelings towards me but asked to be my friend.Im trying to cope, not doing so great sometimes but im trying. Hes the love of my life and I really hope he comes back to me.But Id like to know....Ive decided to not talk to him, as in not talk to him everyday like we normally did and maybe wait until he says hi to me first, or see how long i can wait preferably days, atleast a week, more than a week. But would that actually help him?? Me giving him space?I want to talk to him badly, but we both get frustrated cuz i love him and he doesnt love me. Not sure what to do because I want him to be happy but theres no guarantee he will come back and thats killin me. Is giving him his space truly the best thing I can do for him? I seem to keep thinking to myself doing that will give him the impression ive moved on and dont care so that means he'll be like ok and go find other girls.Yes im obsessed....I need help!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): so he dumped you but you don't want to move on. But if you don't want to move on, that means you don't want to let him move on either since it takes two people for a relationship, right? he clearly has his own issues that he's trying to sort out, and good for him, but sounds like he's saying he can't handle a relationship now ..good that you're trying to give him his space, but you should really and truly commit to staying out of his business.... he won't really feel like you're giving him enough space if he thinks you're still watching round the corner for signs that you can inch closer, if you know what I mean. I needed space from my boyfriend and he did that, so technically it looked on the outside like he was giving me space but I actually didn't feel it and it felt even more suffocating cos of the insincerity cos he didn't respect that I really needed space and he was just giving me the bare minimum of space to look like he was behaving while actually waiting and watching to make an unwelcome move. not saying you're doing this to your boyfriend but just make sure you don't is all I"m saying..you can keep obsessing, but don't make his life even harder than it already is just cos you don't want to move on and you don't want to let him move on, that would be a bit selfish if you know what I mean.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ thomas1214
maybe i should have made myself more clear and said that id posted a question before about my LDR boyfriend who dumped me because he got depressed AND AS A RESULT decided he doesnt want love anymore because it to exhausting.
Regardless he didnt get depressed over his relationship with me or love!!!
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A
male
reader, thomas1214  +, writes (20 April 2011):
I posted a question before about my LDR boyfriend who dumped me because he became depressed and didnt want love anymore because love is so exhausting to him. hey you said it. and good for him to go and get therapy
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ chocoholicforever
I know what your saying but I dont want to move on. I know it sounds stupid and naive but I dont.
Before this guy id been out with plenty people and dated plenty guys and well I wouldnt say I got around (sexually) cuz I was to picky for that one but I went out alot and not once I did I ever fall in love with anyone...I remember it became an issue because it was like wtf why so one day when I was in the doctors (my doctor happens to be a councellor and psychologist also) I spoke to her about it, and she just listened and then she began to laugh and said im actually the exact same as her...she said one day you will fall in love, it may be someday soon or in your twenties or maybe even later but you will and when you do you will know that the person you've fallen for is 'the one'. She said you'll only ever fall in love once but the only problem with that is that if your younger and you end up losing him, you will spend the rest of your life regretting all your actions and never getting over him.
Think of the song thinking of you by Katy Perry. Thats exactly my situation and how it will always be from now on if when he gets better he doesnt come back.
Plus I want to be there for him while he's depressed...just see how is progree is going and just be there for someone to talk to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ thomas1214 he is NOT depressed because he finds love exhausting!!!
He's depressed because he lost his way in life, he stopped going to classes, he is incredibly behind in his work now, he doesnt know what he wants to do for a career yet all his friends either know or are already doing it or in college for it and he has no clue and is putting way to much pressure on himself over it and well theres more but its nothing to do with me.
He lost all emotions for everything and everyone, so he broke up with my because he said love requires attention and he has none to give therefore love is incredibly exhausting for him...he doesnt talk to his parents or his grandparents and only talks to one friend right now and me (as a friend unfortunately) he spends all his time lying on his bed listening to music, nothing else.
Luckily he is going to be getting councelling, sooner the better!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): i think a bit of space is a good idea if he needs it but if you love him maybe u shouldnt give up yet, try not to over obsess or build your world around him because it could all fall down.
when someone is depressed they need support and if you love him you should give him suppport but find a balance between supporting him and giving him space, so maybe considering how frequently you speak to him is a good idea, like you allready have. so hope it all works out well
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male
reader, thomas1214 +, writes (20 April 2011):
why not find someone that is in the area rather then playing this fairy tale twilight impossible love game? he's depressed because he finds love exhausting? give me a break. thats the worst excuse ever.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (20 April 2011):
Yes you should give him his space, because he doesn't want to be with you anymore so it's inappropriate to cross some one's personal boundaries.
It's hard to let go of someone you have feelings for, and as long as you keep hanging on a hope of getting back together then you'll keep feeling anxiety about him "getting away from you." but if he doesn't want to be with you anymore and has plainly said so, then he has already gotten away from you and you have to accept that so it's better for your own emotional health to focus on moving on from him.
realize that it may not be a good idea to stay friends for now. It may be better for you (and him) if you stop all contact with each other until you've healed and moved on, then in the future when you're long over him then you could try to be friends. But for now if you're still obsessed with wanting him back, or feeling very dependent and desperate for any shred of contact with him, then staying friends is probably going to be harder for you than cutting off all contact and will make it harder for you to move on. Being friends could work further down the road if you're truly in a good state to be having an equal friendship, but not if the feelings are still very unequal.
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