A
female
age
30-35,
*cythe
writes:I was wondering what you would do in this situation:I went out with a guy during January this year. He was my first boyfriend (I'm 18). We were strangers, but we worked at the same place, and he was the one who asked me out. A couple of weeks ago he decided to break it off since he wasn't ready for a relationship (he said he had just come out of an intense relationship). He never allowed me to talk to him about "us" and what happened so I never got a proper closure.His 20th birthday is on friday. I don't work at the same place anymore so I never see him. I was wondering what he would think if I sent him a text message saying "Happy Birthday"?Would he think I am trying to get back with him? Come across as too clingy? Is it inappropriate to keep in contact with an ex who refused to talk about our relationship?What do you think his reaction would be?All advice and opinions will be appreciated :)Scythexox
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): You sounds so sweet, I don't think he deserved to get any Birthday message from you! x x x
A
female
reader, scythe +, writes (15 February 2008):
scythe is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey again,
Thank you sugar_sugar and Jamer_07 for the advice. I think you are right in your assumption, sugar_sugar about guys that age.
However, in the end I decided to send the message, "Happy Birthday :)" anyway. Thanks for the suggestions about the smiley face too.
I really love the community here at Dear Cupid because you are all so caring and take every question seriously. I'm not sure why this whole text message thing was so important to me, maybe because I still care about him and never got closure, but I'm glad you guys gave me your advice.
Warmly,
Scythe
xox
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar  +, writes (13 February 2008):
 Honestly it's not inappropriate, but I really think that most guys of that age group would take it as a sign that you want him back.I don't think it's clingy, it is a nice gesture.. but based on the guys I know personally I think most would take it as some hidden gesture of you pining away.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70  +, writes (13 February 2008):
 Sending a neutral text saying "Happy Birthday" would be completly ok. Make sure it has nothing else and cant be over thought. Maybe put in a nice simley face emoticon
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A
female
reader, scythe +, writes (13 February 2008):
scythe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice guys.
I still haven't decided what to do yet.
Last night I had a dream that we got back together (basically I saw him and we held hands) and it felt really nice. But then I remember the times that we never talked and I'm in two minds as to what I should do.
I'll post a follow up after friday :)
More advice is welcome.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (13 February 2008):
 If you want to then why not? I don't see anything wrong with this. I would however, be careful what you write. A simple HAPPY BIRTHDAY! with perhaps a smiley face?
People tend to analyse text messages and conjure up all sorts of hidden meanings so I'd avoid saying anything like "with love" or "luv" or whatever.
Keep it simple.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (13 February 2008):
 It would not be wrong...but it would also NOT be smart.
He will most surely assume you want to get back with him. If this is not the case, do not lead him on, and thus no contact.
-Frank B Kermit
Seminar leader on the Emotional Needs of Men
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 February 2008):
 I don't think it is inappropriate, you are just wishing him well on his birthday. You are still friends even though he is an ex. What ever he thinks about your actions is just speculations.He may have raised eyebrows and he would not know the real reason why you want to wish him. This is a guessing game for the two of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): Hi Hunny,
Its being nice to send someone a happy b'day message hunny, You can just put it very casually, I dont think that is to clingy sweetheart TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXX
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