A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice on a situation and hoping I will get the answers to make a decision. I am in a long term not sure if you would call it a relationship we don't live together but things have been good for a while. Last week, he text me to say he was "having to go abroad for work for a week but will get to see you before I go". Knowing I would be disappointed as I miss not hearing from him while away he tried to play it down with an after thought by texting miss u. Due to work commitments and that fact he has a tendency not to be able to cope with the pressures I haven't seen him for 4 weeks. Knowing he was leaving this morning from Heathrow I expected him yesterday, of course I was excited.He text me say he was at McDonalds looking scummy with his jeans over his pj's and dirty hair this was 5pm. Second weekend he hasn't got dressed. He drives all over the UK for work and always drives home the same day. He said he really didn't want to go to Russia as he had a bad feeling about it but couldn't get out of it. I asked if he intended to get to me and he said he hadn't but he could come now. I didn't want him to come like that when I always made a effort. so I said don't worry, then he said well it don't mean lot to you then if you don't want me to come. I couldn't win, as I want him to see me because he wants to not duty. I also said I will see you after Christmas and he said I am home Friday, where are you between Friday and Christmas? and I told him he normally shattered after a work trip and I was off to spend Christmas with may son leaving Christmas eve. He text back FINE. I did ask him before I excepted to go to my sons if I would be seeing him an no reply since I asked four weeks ago. I text him and said can we talk and he said packing and then he called me and was jut nasty. Told me I had had four weeks to raise this and I choose seconds before he went away. He isn't good (meaning he was very low) and I said how do I know that? He said I am not rowing with you, I don't need the stress I will text you on Friday when I get bk and put the phone down. I text in temper and said don't bother texing me Friday. I was hurt and he then called me names as usual oh and I was told to drop dead and I replied be careful what you wish for I may just do that. I also told him he was my priority just a shame I am not his.I did say I suggest you think about us while away as you have issued that you haven dealt with that stand between us.Several texts later it stopped. I fell asleep but woke knowing I had to make peace otherwise I would regret it. I text him just saying have a safe journey, keep safe while away, love you lots and let me know when you get back. Pls text over your flight details as usual but he hasn't text me and not with his normal love you and will miss u. I checked this morning his flight online and found he had already left. In my mind it wasn't even a row just me venting my frustrations. I am sorry it kicked off hours before he left, but the disappointment of looking forward to seeing him since wed and arranged my weekend so I was close to home to see him and he did not seem to even care. I may have overreacted slightly, but him not texting me has really upset me and I don't know if he will even text me Friday.I have tried so hard to make us workable and kept quite when he don't seem to be trying and at last he started to say I love you again but only when I say it first. In the past he has said I am so scared of 3rd relationship failing, I don't have dreams as they always disappoint. I don't know if I am asking too much of him or if to make use of this time with no contact to start putting my life together without him. I love him very much but I cannot go back to the way things used to be two years ago never seeing him because of work and his issues and his bad temper and that looks like what is happening. I need someones perspective on this please and don't say its a mess because I already know.
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female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (17 December 2014):
This is a very sad situation to be in i understand that you are in-love with him.However from reading your letter i form the opinion that your boyfriend doesnot KNOW when he is coming or going nor does he care how you feel about his behaviour,He justs suit himself without a thought for you.In your heading to this letter you stated -Should you try to work this out or move on Well the fact is you cant work it out on your own-It takes 2 people in a relationship to do this and i feel you are very much on your own in this situation.Your boyfriend seems to have issues of his own and in fairness to any woman he would first have to clear those up before going into a serious relationship.Maybe you might consider a break away from or if you like take time out from this relationship and have more space for yourself and also giving him time to work on himself.Then decide on a final decision remember Time sorts all things. Kind Wishes NORA B.
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