A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A long time ago i met this girl who over the years dated quite a few of my freinds, i liked her alot but everytime i was going to ask her out a friend beat me to it or she was already with someone. After about 4 years of knowing her i finally asked her out but she said no(she thought i was playing around) i didnt take it hard but we talked about it alot and after a couple of months she asked me out, but i being an complete idiot said no(the worst mistake ive made). Soon afterward she got with some guy and he got her pregnant and then left her... But i was always thier for her after she had her son, now its been almost two years her son is about to be two, im 18 and she is 17 ive known her since 5th grade, but after being so close to her i finally realized i love her... But she has another bf they been together 8 months now they have alot of problems and she seems like she kinda dont care for him much... We always talk about her and it seems like she still loves me but idk if thats just how she is; she calls me her best freind but in reallity we rarely talk and get together(i try to distance myself from her so i can try and forget her), but when we do get together were really close(just talk)... I once asked her if she would ever like her son to call me dad and she said no, but that she still loved me... On text she puts she loves me sometimes too, i just cant figure out if she loves me or likes the other guy... Im too scared to tell her how i feel because i know if she says no to me this time ill lose her for good, and her family all want me to be wirh her...I love her but sometimes i think it would be better to just leave and and forget her for sometime...
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female
reader, Blonde_J  +, writes (24 June 2010):
I think you really need to talk to this girl honestly about how you feel. You can't let yourself second guess whats going on - because like all humans, your going to look for what you want to see. This girl has obviously been through a very rough time. She could have feelings for you, but she could also just really need a friend she can talk to, to help her deal with her current situation. She may be nervous about starting a romantic relationship with some one she trusts so much, in case it goes wrong. She may just want to sort out the situation shes in without taking on any new commitments. Either way you need to hear it from her. The next time you're comfortable and talking in a relaxed way, ask her but try not to put too much pressure on her - its always an awkward conversation. But if you just forget her, you will always be torturing yourself with what you might have walked away from. You need to know exactly where you stand as far as she's concerned. The important thing then is to accept what she tells you and consciously focus on not looking for anything more in her behaviour than that. Thats the really tricky bit. Only you can decide whats best for you if you don't get the response you hope for - do you really want to lose this girl as a friend? If you don't get the answer you want, can you deal with being a close trusted friend, if you know she can't give you what you want? If you care about her as much as you seem, I don't think you'll want to cut her out of your life. You might just need to adjust your own attitude to deal with it - which is very hard to do and will take time. But it'll be worth it in the end. Hope it works out for you. :)
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