A
male
age
36-40,
*onystarkben
writes:I took her away to Florida in June and we are booked to go back next summer.She is going away with her family for a week in August and i was invited but i cannot get the time off work.I was thinking about going away for a week in September with her and i mentioned it and she said ok. However i have been speaking to my housemate and i feel very bad for him. He is a lovely guy but he doesn't have any friends and hasn't been away in 6 years.I have found a week away in Spain for about £200 each and he has asked if we can go. I must admit, i would like to - it's not that i don't want to go away again with my girlfriend but i haven't been away with a friend for ages and i know without me, he won't go. Also, i would just be paying for me, if i go with my girlfriend i would have to pay for both of us...I can't really tell my girlfriend about the trip with my friend as she would get jealous about me maybe meeting other girls ( i wouldn't cheat, i love her) so i figure i can say it's a work seminar or something. And just take her to Florida again next summer.Is this really bad of me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): If you need to lie to your girlfriend for whatever reason then you're not in a healthy relationship. You should be able to trust her with the truth whatever it might be. In my opinion if you'd rather go on a trip with your friend than your girlfriend then you probably don't love her as much as you claim.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): I don't think your in a happy relationship,with all these other questions,problems wow not good.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): If have to lie to go on this trip with your friend, you have some serious relationship problems with your girlfriend. That means you need to face these problems as they are not going to go away by themselves and will come up again in the future, unless you want to spend the rest of your life (as long as you're with this girlfriend) either giving up things you want to do, or lying and leading a double life of sorts.
Be honest and tell your gf, and then face whatever happens and work through that.
There is nothing wrong with you going on this trip with your friend. Your gf needs to learn to get a grip and learn to trust you or control her anxiety. this is a serious issue, and simply avoiding it by lying or giving up having any friends, are both detrimental to your life.
Also, maybe your gf needs to start paying some for your shared vacations too. It's not fair if both of you are on vacation yet you have to pay everything.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous  +, writes (25 July 2012):
I love cerberus, he tells it like it is! I agree with him and the other aunts/uncles. If she has trust issues why add to them? And if shes pregnant that would not be the time to take a vacation. Cant you go for a day trip with your dude? I havent been on a vacation in 6 years, my bf has never even been on a vacation. We take day trips, sometimes get an over night sitter my bfs mom so we can have a late nite out and night at home. We have two young children. Wants and needs are two different things and priorities must come first. If you truely love this women the she and the baby come first. Hold off on a vacation. Prepare for your child, help her with her trust issues dont add to them. Wait until the baby is older maybe 5 months before you leave ur gf home alone w the the baby. Pregnant women also shouldnt be flying at the third trimester, it can bring on labor. Good luck. And even if you decide to go dont lie about it!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 July 2012):
 Don't lie about it, just be honest. I have to say if your relationship is build on you feeling like you have to lie to actually do anything YOU want to do, is it really worth the effort?
I see nothing wrong in wanting to go on a weeks vacation with a friend. But lying about going.. MAJOR red flag.
And I agree with Cerberus, tell her you can't afford to pay for her, but she is welcome if she can scrape up the money.
Maybe this is a good time for her to learn to trust you and for you to show her you CAN be trusted and be faithful.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (25 July 2012):
 It's not bad to want to go on holiday with your friend but lying about it is bad and also plain stupid. There's no need to lie if you have no intention of cheating on her. If you don't tell her and she finds out from someone else (your friend lets it slip or she talks to one of your colleagues about the fantasy work trip) you'll be history. It's almost as if you're trying to sabotage the relationship. Honestly, how would you feel if your girlfriend did this to you? Would you believe the story "I just went for my friend, didn't cheat blah blah" - wouldn't you wonder why she didn't just tell the truth to begin with? You would think it was highly suspect, I'm sure. I think you'd be likely to break up with her. I don't know why you are going out of your way to create drama, unless as I said you're sabotaging the relationship on purpose.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (25 July 2012):
 Gosh if this really is the same person, with the pregnant girlfriend (who mysteriously is both 19 and 21) then you should not even be going on holiday AT ALL, let alone with a friend!
And how do you plan on going to Florida with a newborn child next year? Are you seriously planning on taking a child that is under the age of 1 on a long haul flight?
I think you need to stop worrying about holidays and pick up a few parenting books instead. Stop planning holidays and save the money so you can move in together, rather than living with a housemate. Being together as a family should be more important than anything else. One holiday to Florida alone will set you back more than the cost of a deposit on a house to rent, I really think you are being completely irresponsible by frittering money away when you have a baby on the way.
Get your priorities straight and grow up - you are going to be a father so you need to start acting like a grown up now I'm afraid.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 July 2012):
 And based on this bit of your relationship's history http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-feel-awful-that-we-had-our-first.html I would advise you NOT to lie to her at all. She has trust issues and is pregnant. The truth may cause you some uncomfortable discussions with her but nothing as dreadful as when she figures out you have been lying to her. That's far far worse.
Plus if you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Lying is very difficult and leads to more lies. Unnecessary complications arise when people start to lie.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 July 2012):
Tony, is this the pregnant girlfriend that you were worried about? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-g-f-was-a-prom-queen-i.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-we-tell-our-parents-about-this.html
And I'm a bit confused. Is she 19 or 21 and are you 24 or 26? So the 19/21 year old pregnant girlfriend with a bad ex has some trust issues with you. And you have trust issues with her. So you now propose to go on holiday with a friend and lie to your pregnant, previously abused girlfriend? Does that sound like a wise plan at all? Seriously, you know better.
I think you should simply tell the truth to her. And consider that going on holiday may be spending money you should be setting aside for the baby's expenses. I understand babies can be very expensive.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (25 July 2012):
 At your age you have to start laying down the law, go with your friend, tell her your going with him, if she has a problem with that then she obviously isn't very mature, you have to live for yourself as well, if you lie she will definitely find out, then she will have a valid reason not to trust you on anything in the future. Tell her the truth, tell her the reasons you have wrote here, of she can't accept that then tell her she needs to grow up and go anyway
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): Not bad but very stupid.
You're proposing to lie to your girlfriend and go on holiday behind her back because you're scared she'll get jealous? Not very logical OP, I mean what will she say when she finds out it had nothing to do with work? She will find out OP, there will be one slip of the tongue and it will all come crashing down and the very reason you think you need to keep it a secret is the very reason you shouldn't.
That lie would break all trust for good and not only that but if she may be that jealous about you going then she will be 100% sure you went and cheated on her if you don't tell her.
Just tell her what you told us OP, tell her your reasons and tell her she can come if she can get the money together to pay to go. Simple as that. You can't afford to pay for the two of you but by leaving the door open for her to come you take away a lot of the reasons she may have for suspicion.
OP this isn't a secret or lie worth telling. Lies are generally really bad for a relationship, little lies like "you're not fat" or "no, your friend isn't a bitch I think she's a nice person" are the only ones that are acceptable.
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