A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I turned 18 on the 3rd of this month. There's a teacher (actually, not even teacher... uh, student-teacher) at my school who I've become very close with. He's 20. He, for lack of a better term, 'expressed interest' in me first. So, before I do anything, would it be against the law to date him? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): In schools romantic staff-student relationships are seen as an exploitation of the lesser power and -- for youth -- the lesser relationship experience of the student.
That exploitation is banned by all education administrations. Penalties are severe, typically dismissal of the staff member with prejudice to their future employment in fields with power over youth or other vulnerable people. Note that this has little to do with the age of consent for sexual relations.
Your student teacher has already stepped well over the line of acceptability, and has risked his entire career. You will need to determine whether that is well-meant foolishness from inexperience; or a first attempt at exploitation which will become a habit throughout his teaching career.
Most education administrations require staff to report observed and rumoured exploitation of students by other staff (cf "professional standards mandatory reporting").
So, what to do?
Well, if it is foolishness the problem solves itself. The two of you don't pursue the relationship further until the teacher-student relationship and its obligations end. Either you will lose interest, he will lose interest, or time will pass and the both of you will be free to express that interest.
If it is something darker you will find out soon enough when you say you and he are forbidden to do anything further until the end of your schooling, but if he wants to pursue a romantic relationship once you are free then he is welcome to contact you to see if you feel similarly. If he persists prior to the end of your schooling, then he is a creep, and a chat with your teacher is in order.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 January 2010):
I don't think it's illegal, but it could cost him his job or would be highly frowned upon at the very least.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (25 January 2010):
 Its not a good idea to date him when you are his student since it will be his problem to deal with if he gets caught. Wait till your out of school then its fine.
I don't see why the teachers motives have are being questions. Two years difference is nothing and why should anyone else judge when you meet someone special.
If you two both know that you like each other then talk to him about it so that you two can wait till your done before anything happens.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (25 January 2010):
 If he is your teacher, even if he has not yet got full teacher status, then the same rules apply as if he was a normal teacher.
Regardless of age, teachers are not allowed to date students.
This guy has not even qualified yet. To have a possible teacher/pupil relationship on his record, before he has even graduated will basically scupper his career before it has even started. No school would look at him twice on a job application, as they wouldnt be able to trust him. If he couldnt even get past training without his head being turned by a pretty girl,they would have serious doubts about his ability to restrain himself later on.
If he is pursuing you, then he is an idiot, and you have to wonder about his motives for being a teacher.
Do not go there, politely decline his offer, no matter how much you like him. It will only cause trouble for him and for you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 January 2010):
I'm pretty certain it would be. In Britain and other European countries, it's illegal for any teacher or assistant to date a student, so I would have thought it's the same in the USA.
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