A
male
age
41-50,
*aldegir
writes:Well I never thought i'd be lowering my standard to ask complete strangers outside of my own circle for an outsiders opinion but current circumstances contact with my own family is irregular and well majority of my closest peers aren't sound for advice either best I could given is don't give her any extra kids.The problem is you see with my first love now I say first love for sure I'd dated girls prior to this one back in the day but was burnt by so called best friends when young but thats a different story. Ok my first love was younger than me very young she was 17 myself 20 and prior to getting involved with her she was dating a friend of mine originally(back at the time she was 15 and himself 17)and no we didnt hit it off right off the bat after they'd broken up i'd actually asked if he was ok with us dating two years later just incase he had some feelings that mightve still been there with him.Anyway we eventually got involved and grew extremely close and eventually after three years I'd felt she was the one mind we did have alot of arguments between her mother herself and I. Then she fell pregnant to myself and we eventually had a beautiful daughter but after she was born the arguments with her as well as her mother grew more problematic.Back at the time we were engaged and living together and I was in a high paying job for a lad my age but the problems got that bad we had my fiance's mother at the time have welfare take our daughter off her for a day yes a day for apparently not keeping the child clean(she may have been a young mother but a bad mother she wasn't our daughter was always well fed and clothed and clean) we had to endure welfare coming back out after the law had come around with a welfare worker and took our daughter from my ex fiances care while I was work to go over our residence and we had our daughter back with us.Anyway the arguments between the soon to be mother in law got to a boiling point where the constant harrassment and phone calls she'd make to me while I was work eventually led to my work dismissing me which caused more problems. Soon after the fiance said it wasnt going to work and broke it off with me while I still made sure to see my daughter and kept providing for her. Where she eventually moved back in with her mother and father. Her father had a stroke 3years after that and I had actually gone to visit him with his daughter and grandaughter in the hospital for we got along it wasnt soon after that her mother divorced her father and was with another fellow(I know days of our lives has nothing on this lmao).Anyway I eventually had no end of problems holding a sound relationship with other women for I had a child maybe I was rushing and wasn't picking the right ones after that but now it's been ten years since my daughter's mother and I have broken up and while I have our daughter every second weekend I've noticed since the ex finally got the courage to tell her mother she is a grown adult of 29 she is her own keeper and its time mum backed off and let her live her life (finally) but she also asked me recently if there was a possibility of her and I working things out now.The past two years I can admit my feelings for her have been coming back strong after 8years of not being romantically involved with her but would it be a fools hope to think the relationship from back then could be salvaged what do you people on cupid think?
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male
reader, galdegir +, writes (14 June 2011):
galdegir is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice and yes it's been a long time but we do tend to do alot of family outings together with our daughter as well as times where it's just our daughter and myself when her mother is sick. I actually had cold feet per se last week when I was asked for well I was honest as best I could in telling her the feelings are there since we do tend to take our daughter out as a family unit (since niether her mum or I have any significant other) which we've been doing for two years now and I did say to her it is possible but she cant expect a miracle to happen overnight I need it to go slow for I was hurt deeply with what happened in our past and she did say she understands where I am coming from for she'd been hurting just as long as I was for allowing her mother to control her so much before. We actually still have the same amount of communication we had when we were madly in love with each other before her mother was causing grief with us there is many a time ive stopped by after work mid week to see both our daughter and her mum and have a coffee every now and then and once our daughter is soundly asleep we usually end up talking for a good two or three hours before I realise it's late and I better head home even though the spare room is offered to stay I tend to have thought until we both know whether its salvagable or not Im not wanting our girl to wake up in the morning for school with dad in the house and confusing her in case it doesnt work out.I guess it's a case of we both don't know unless we try thanks for the advice.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Hi,
Wow, you're right..days of our lives have nothing on you". The mother in law is a unique individual for the lack of better words. Its not my place to judge since I don't know her.
Not surprise the ex-husband had a stroke? I would too..I am stress just reading your story.. Feel sorry for the people that are relative to this woman because what a sad, painful, stressful way to live life. You only have one chance in life and its sad that she waste time fighting, arguing about everyhting. Its exhausting.. Here in america we call these kind of people crazy... Also, I don't understand why you think is degrading when asking help from strangers? I myself seek for advice or answer questions when I feel as I could be a little help or eye opener. Its ok to ask for advice.. Not only help you, but you can learn from it.
******
As per your ex-fiance relationship? Why not? It was a long time, at that time, she was young and she was respecting her mother. Now, you said that she stands up for herself, that means she has changed, she's a strong woman. Arguments, every couples have their disagreements, its ok. Her mother was the only problem then, now that she's out of the picture, it might work? You said you love her back in the years? 1st love? I think is worth a 2nd chance.. Why don't you take things slowly? Do family stuff together? See if the love still there?
Don't think too much or put pressure. 2nd chance w/ex? YES!
Good luck
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 No I don't think that you would be mad to believe that it can be fixed. You where both very young back then and had a lot of stuff throwing at you to deal with. You also had her mother interfering and trouble from welfare so its no surprise the both of you ended up not making it work. That is such a lot for a young person to deal with.
But you have both growing up now and are making your own choices so my best advice to you would be to both take things slowly and see how things go. Don't rush in to anything and hopefully you will both be able to come back from this. Good Luck and all the best in the future.
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