A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi!I just have a bit of a small issue. I am friends (very close friends, but I want it to be more) with a guy, we are like two peas in a pod, and it is his birthday soon. I really like him a lot, but he has a girlfriend. Would it be inappropriate to send him a birthday card, or would this be overstepping the mark?Any thoughts on this would be great. Thank you.
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male
reader, LifeSaver94  +, writes (16 December 2009):
I know it's a little late but I got bored and looked in the older post to see similar problems and the same happened to me but it's a girl I wanted to send a birthday card. But yeah I didn't at the end because I'm not thatclose of a friend yet.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. I didnt in the end. I sent him a long Birthday text message instead.
Thanks anyway
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (1 November 2009):
 I'm going to play the Devil's Advocate, and may get some flack for it, but this is my opinion:
It would be wrong of you to try to break them up while he's committed to her, but it would also be wrong of her to expect him to turn his back on your friendship. It seems to be that you all were close friends before he got into a relationship. Why shouldn't you continue to be friends? When a close friend has a birthday, of course you should acknowledge it. By virtue of him being a close friend, wouldn't you send him a card, even if you DIDN'T like him in that way?
I have a few close friends who are female, but the vast majority are guys. I remember their birthdays, and they remember mine... nothing wrong with that.
If you want a relationship, just wait and see if they break up. Don't interfere with their relationship. It sucks a lot but that's all you can do.
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A
female
reader, .d.m.95 +, writes (1 November 2009):
 I think that you should give him a card as long as the girlfriend isn't one of those crazy jealous girls. Also It's just a friendly card unless you state your love for him in it. that would most likely end bad since he has a girlfriend and all.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (31 October 2009):
 It sounds like you might have motives. Would you like another woman, who has interests in him, to send cards if he was your boyfriend. You're asking the question so you have raised a little red flag all on your own. The thing is this, par tof you is hoping you'll get some sort of rreaaction that makes you feel good. That is OK but since you want more, I think you're overstepping the mark.
Many people will say that you're just being friendly. I think there is a difference though when you're not looking for actual "frienship". If you've ever given him clues that you like him that is even a stronger reason to back off.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): Does he know you have these feelings for him? If so, what has he said about them? In regards to your question, if you're very close friends, as long as it's just a card and is not covered with hearts and messages stating your heartfelt love for him, then I think it's fine. It's just a birthday card. I would say even a short, friendly message inside would be okay. But remember, he does have a girlfriend, so be respectful of that.
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